So today I called work and said I wouldn't be in. I can't focus on much of anything except for the fact that my brother has died and I miss him terribly. I miss everything about him and I miss the fact that there are no longer three children in my family. Three was always such a good number, how great it was to say "I have a sister and a brother." Now I sound selfish. It's not just for me that I miss him. I miss him because he gave so much to everyone, and was such an interesting addition to the world. Well the world lost him and so did I.

The sun is shining and there's a warm wind blowing. This means the ice will go out faster. There's a huge patch of open water at the foot of the lake, by the Beach House (why does Leroy get EVERYTHIING--even open water, first?) and the rest of the ice is very, very dark. This means it will be gone soon, soon. That will be strange, diamonds sparkling on blue water. My daffodils are doing a remarkable job of being big fat buds, looking forward to being bright yellow blossoms. Can't wait.

The dogs were so restless this morning, so eager to get up--I let them out at seven and went back to sleep for 3 hours (I didn't go to bed until 2:30). When I finally did get up the deck was strewn with dead dog bodies, here and there. How cute and peaceful they looked, sleeping in the sun. But as soon as they heard life in the house they popped right up, since they hadn't been fed yet. Now, at 1:00 they're strewn about the living room, sound asleep and peaceful since I'm at home, the door is wide open so they can be outside if they want to. All is right with the world as far as they're concerned. Sometimes I can feel that way, but then a darkneses descends over me, a physical sort of thing. Oh, Henry would not want this. And we do try to do what Henry would want, don't we.

Dinner with Ken last night was frozen fried chicken. He got that because he didn't want me to have to cook. How sweet is that! It was actually pretty tasty, and we had a nice time. I only cried a little bit. Then I retired to the living room to eat the Godiva chocolate truffles he got for Christmas, which only I am eating, apparently.

Tonight is the first meeting of my book group. I'm neither looking forward to it nor dreading it. That's pretty much the way I feel about everything. Spring, summer, leaves on trees, the arrival of the warblers. At least I made an appointment for my gyno. annual visit, which I apparently forgot to do last year. They had an opening for early May (OK, "opening" is NOT the right word to use in this case) so that made me feel good. I feel very vulnerable about my health, don't we all, these days. Today I will call to make an appointment to get new glasses. Since Tess has hidden my current prescription, I'm wearing last years. I get one free pair a year through my insurance. I also need to call to make an appointment for my mammogram (mammiogram, as they say where I work). Spring is tune-up time for my body.

Check out the camp calendar--as Jenica points out, there's a glitch in the posting from August on and John and Phyllis apparently will be living in Dockside for all eternity. After looking at the calendar and realizing that David and Penny will be at camp for a week I went into a deep funk, a really deep funk. I can't stand the thought of David Philo at my brother's memorial ANYTHING, service, commemoration, whatever. I feel like telling each member of the Rogers family what Henry really thought of them, but don't worry everyone, I won't. No, Penny and Ada, you're safe. And that reminds me that I need to call the undertaker. Time to make a list.