Yes, I'm better today. A miserable ride home yesterday, but cleansing, I guess. There are some things making me sad besides the absence of Ken, but I miss him and when I think of him I cry. I know I'll get through this, but realizing that I do this alone (but then we're all alone, aren't we) is both empowering and daunting. I'm up to it, don't worry. Anyway, when I got home I finally perked up enough to wash the HUGE piled high sink full of dishes before going to the lake. The dogs like it there. It was windy enough so the black flies, in evidence at home, weren't there. The lake was quiet, only a looning loon making noise. I got cheerful and tried to read but the breeze kept blowing out the candles. I always go to sleep early there, very therapeutic.
Monday we're putting Ken in the ground. We have to wait until the ground thaws here, and Bill was able to convince the priest to put if off a bit. I'm taking the day off and expect to shed lots of tears. It's supposed to be 60 and sunny, which should be a little cheery. Maybe it won't be as bad as I fear, and I'll have the afternoon to do whatever I want. I'm sure I'll have recovered by then.
Today I'm ready to face the world. I was supposed to go to E'town to weed the oversized non-fiction but I called in short-handed in the department (one person isn't here) because I just didn't feel like going. BAD LIBRARIAN. I rescheduled, leaving a message on the machine. let's see if she listens to her messages. Instead I'll do some peaceful cataloging. I have to catalog a ton of complicated RLStevenson stuff but at least I'll be sitting at my desk instead of crawling around on the floor with my sinus headache. I'm going to get my shy and fearful goldfish (Flip) a companion, hoping that will help him relax. Misery loves company, eh Flip? He hides behind a picture nearly all day and hasn't figured out that food falls on top of the water. Easily intimidated. Not my kind of pet. yes, I miss Leroy. he was my pal--we understood each other for sure.
What's up this weekend? I posted a computer desk on Freecycle and got an answer from someone who turned out to be the daughter of the man who worked for my grandfather. She wants it for her grandchildren. She and I talk to each other every few years. We had a nice conversation last night, arranging for her to pick the desk up Sat. morning. Her life hasn't turned out very well lately--terribly bad back problems, several surgeries. A daughter addicted to painkillers who keeps having surgeries that require follow up treatment with painkillers every time she gets straight. I remember how much Eugene (Rikki's father) adored his granddaughter and know he'd be so troubled by her life now. He died shortly after my grandfather did--he was totally devoted to my grandfather. Much the way Steve was to Ken, but for decades instead of months. Anyway, I've know Rikki for a long, long time. Funny how these things work out.
Other things--maybe garden work, but if the black flies are out that will be a challenge. Soon I'll have to mow my lawn. Rush & Annie will be here so there will be an evening with them. Sunday my book group meets. I have Rachel Getting Married to watch. I have The Beet Queen to read. I have lots of gardening to do. I have morning glory seeds to plant. indoors. laundry. So there's enough to keep me distracted and happy. Or cheerful. Interacting with other people. I'll just warn R & A that I cry a lot. But I always laugh a lot with them. We have really nice visits.
It would be good to walk the dogs in the bog. bog dogs. Again, depends on black flies. bf's.
On to The Spiderwick Chronicles Goblins attack, then Troll Trouble.
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