I did my patriotic duty and celebrated the 4th of July by sleeping for most of the day yesterday. I had a busy weekend, saw plenty of people and sat in the sun enough hours to satisfy my ultraviolet craving. There are now 2 docks in the water at camp, courtesy of Tom and Bill, and there's a boat in the boat slip with a motor on the back, courtesy of Tom and his boat trailer. Sometimes cousins are the most wonderful people. I slept in the boat house Friday, Sat. and Sunday nights and it was very nice, but it's hard for me to be at camp still. I took a shower there and turned around to see Henry's sweet metal soap container full of Dr. Bronner's soap (it was that awful tea tree soap, jeez that stuff smells horrible). Well if that doesn't make you cry nothing will. And he's everywhere in the boat house.

Saturday was sunny and warm, nearly hot. Left the boat house in the morning for home, sat on the deck and read in the sun until afternoon, then went to camp to sit on the rock at the boat house, then sat in the sun there. The dogs have been awful, running off to the summer campers and refusing to come home. Twice they've been returned by car, twice they've been walked home. I was told that Tess ("the little one") goes right in the door of one place and runs around the living room with the boxer who's staying there. Swell. This is very embarassing. I tried to keep track of them all weekend, but only got successful at it by yesterday afternoon. Sat. was the worst, Sunday I wasn't home much. They sneak out or run off when I let them out to poop. The poops.

Sunday morning I stayed at the boat house, drinking tea in the cure chair, enjoying the lake's calm. There was a heron in the lily pads, walking it's stately walk while searching for fish. I went to Sunday dinner at Linda's camp, very festive and nice. It was a hot day. Got to camp late in the afternoon, Bill and Tom were putting in main camp's dock and had already put in the dock at the boat house. I played with Nicholas, now 2 and incredibly gregarious and cute, and Kyle (Tom and Sheila's son), 9 months old and not interested in anyone but his mother. Talked to Sheila and Connie about Henry, cried of course. I think being with family this summer will be very hard. After the docking Tom, Sheila and I went to Union Falls with their trailer to pick up the boat Sonci bought, brought it back to camp and put it in the boat slip. Very exciting: a boat at camp! Now the boat house looks like a boat house. Of course the boat leaks a bit, it wouldn't be a Rogers craft if it didn't. I went to their camp for dinner, had a nice time with them. Sat on their deck after dinner and watched impressive fireworks across the lake. Talked some more about Henry, cried some more. Realized that I have no one here who knew Henry that I can talk to. I guess we all have that situation. I told them that he really liked them, thought they were the only ones who had any fucking sense. Boy did they beam at that. Well, it was true. They said they really liked his smile, would always remember his smile. Me too.

So that brought me to yesterday, when I couldn't seem to make myself be anything but horizontal. I got up in the morning at the boat house, enjoyed it there until the wind came up, then went home. Had run out of dog food so had to get home fairly early. Jackson has decided he doesn't like sleeping in the boat house so he ran off in the night and make his way home, was asleep on the living room floor when I got home. He also made a huge hole in the porch screen in the boat house--SHIT SHIT SHIT. I told Liza, who was very understanding. I apologize to everyone else and will try to mend it this weekend. I can patch it but will first try sewing it up. He figured out that he can walk across thin air to get to the porch. He's such a jackass. That's his real name, not Jackson. I started calling him Jackass, which he responds to about as well as Jackson. Anyway, once I got home, I fell asleep.

I have firewood to stack, paperwork to do, cleaning to take care of. Laundry is about the only thing I'm capable of doing these days. I did vacuum and tidy up the living room on Saturday, not that I mean to boast or anything.

Yesterday one of my high school friends called me. She's a really nice person, we connected 2 years ago at the big reunion gathering in Door County. It was nice to hear from her. We email fairly often. She lives in Virginia. We'll all be gathering next year for another reunion, looks as if we'll be in Portsmouth, NH at a house that Harvard owns I think I mentioned this before. I'm known for repeating myself.

It's hot here, July hot for the North Country. 80's. We had rain yesterday, which I love to listen to and like because it means I don't have to water my flowers. It was strange to have camp all to myself on the 4th of July. I didn't go swimming, decided I would take a shower instead. I stared at the water (this was before the dock was in) and the rocks for a long time, mulling it all over. "I'm 51," I said, "the water's cold and there's no easy way to get in. There's warm water if I turn the hot water on, and the shower works." So I decided to be a wuss and take a shower. I can't believe I did it. It must have taken me an hour to make the decision, though, because I wanted to swim but just couldn't make myself do it. For once I let my age determine my actions. This is not a good sign, I think.