Back from RI, where daffodils and forsythia were blooming. I brought back pansies and violas as souvenirs. funny, but the violas I got are the same as the ones that are really expensive from Burpee. Not so expensive in Wakefld, RI. I bought sunshine yellow pansies for Pat, who's been wonderful to me the past few weeks. I show up at her house in tears half the time, bawling that I'm lonely and I miss Ken.
The trip was good. Nice to be with Liza and Mark, who really liked having me there. I got to sleep on the front porch, not insulated so it was grand to keep warm with 2 dogs and an electric blanket and be almost outdoors. Library director Jenica and librarian Drew were there too, another treat. We celebrated Easter in good pagan style. Mark and I went for early morning walks with my dogs, something we started doing last summer. I ate too much and now my pants are tighter. Time to pedal harder, faster. And sit up straighter on my big purple core-strengthening ball. And walk, yes, walk.
Last night I watched Slumdog Mill$$ It was good; very clever film. I'm enjoying it more today than I did last night. I also watched episodes of HBO's In Treatment, a series about (fictional) patients in therapy. Each half hour is a session with Gabriel Byrne, the hair-dying, too-smooth skinned for his age therapist. Naturally, anyone who's been in therapy would find this entertaining. And he actually says "and how did that make you feel?" I sometimes say this to people, too. as a joke. but also because I want to know.
I came home Monday night, got to 58OHR in good time, before 5 I guess. I'd left the cat inside but she wasn't there. I searched everywhere for a body when she didn't come to my cootchie-coos. Worse than missing cat was a pump that wouldn't come up to pressure, wouldn't shut off, and wouldn't pump water when I turned it back on. And worst of all was no Ken to check in with or visit once I got unpacked. Of course I sobbed. and sobbed. Then I solved my problem: I went to Pat's. Cried to her. She didn't say "And how did that make you feel?" she said "Want some whiskey?" perfect. I stayed there a while and felt better. Got home, cat came in from OUTSIDE. How do they do that? Sort of common, people tell me, for cats to find a way out of houses when people go away. Anyway, that was good but there was still no water and no Ken.
Water problem was solved by the time I got home from work the next day--Magic Steve found a loose clamp and fixed it. I think everyone should try going without running water for a while, just to experience the joy and relief the moment you turn on your faucet and water comes out.
Now if only someone could figure out how to raise the dead. I miss Ken as much as ever. I didn't get to stop to say goodbye when I left for RI, I couldn't stop to check in when I got back. I can't tell him my daffodils are coming up and my crocuses are in bloom. I can't tell him my rain barrels are half full. Or that I've planted some flower seeds and they're germinating. or that my guppies need vasectomies. He always wanted to know what kind of trip the dogs had when we went to RI. And "How was your ma?" Yes, there's a void. I spent every evening with him for the last 3 1/2 months of his life. every evening. Dinner with Steve and Ken. So now, not only do I not get to eat Steve's cooking, or watch Jeopardy with Steve and (sometimes) Bill, or read the pet ads to Ken ("For sale: Cockatoo. Doesn't get along with people and is mean"), but I don't get to play "guess how hot it is in here" at Ken's. The record, of course, belongs to Steve, for the day he arrived and it was 102 degrees. I usually only sat through 88-90 degrees, with an occasional dip to 84 or so.
I'm lucky, though--very lucky. I live where I've always wanted to. I get to have 2 dogs. My sister and I recently discussed the possibility that an owner and a dog share similar personality traits (this, preferable to the dumb idea that they look alike--so, I look like the tubby one? do my eyelids droop? or do I look like the small one who's obsessed with Kleenex and will beg for it when I blow my nose?). Of course a dog would absorb some of the owner's karma. So I suggested that maybe I was doing all right because, although both dogs are neurotic, one is calm and mellow, the other is hyper, busy and has trouble controlling herself. I figure they balance each other out. My sister's response? "I'd better get another dog." She only has one and it's sort of a jumpy dog. Yes, I think she should get another dog, but I think everyone should give their dog a dog of its own.
The 40-volume set of Harvard classics (registered edition) awaits. after Mummy Math. And Onenhakenra (the video)(in Mohawk) by White Seed. but after that Silver Lake awaits. The juncos are back. Poplars starting to bloom. achoo.
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