WHERE I AM
On my way to the doctor's office I started thinking about where I have ended up in life. Living where I always wanted to. Doing something that I believe in, that I believe basically makes the world a better place, that helps people. Doing something that I enjoy doing that is (almost) always interesting. With people that I can stand, though there is only one person I really consider to be my friend (and she is one of my best friends, someone who agrees with me totally politically, who shares my sense of humor, who had her baby delivered deliberately on my birthday so that he would be 50 years younger than I am, changing his delivery date specifically for that reason). I have great freedom in my work, I get to work on what I want to most of the time. I have tons of time off every year. I have some great, great friends in my life and a really neat social circle, albeit mostly seasonal.

So: when I was in my 20's did I ever think that this is where I would be when I was in my 50's? No, I didn't think about where I would be when I was 50 very much at all. When I was 30 my friend Mary Frances and I used to say that we really enjoyed living alone, being single and having the lives that we had, but would that be enough for us when we were 50? Now I can answer that yes, it's enough. I have what I want. I own my home (I just read that the average cost of a home in America is $176,000 and Americans spend half of their income on housing). I have as many dogs as I want (more than, really). Is this the course I thought my life would take? Honestly? No. But I got to find out what it felt like to be married, and parts of that I enjoyed. I get to be alone a lot, and that is what I really like about my life. I can be with people when and if I want to. I have my friend Ken in my life and he is a great friend and a good person. I'm happy to spend time with him.

So I mentioned this to my surgeon. His reply: "You did all right." See? He's a funny man.