Well, it's been -18 and -16 yesterday and today. I slept on the couch last night ("slept" is a generous term--the dogs hated it and wouldn't be still). There's a problem with my hot water--ice blocking the pipe somewhere but I don't know where to begin looking for it. I still have cold water, which seems like a luxury. But boy is it COLD water! I'll shower at a friend's house tonight after work, then maybe use the Holts' facilities if this goes on. Why don't I call someone for help? Because I don't like to ask for help, even if I'm paying for it. This doesn't make sense, but it's how I've always been.
This morning, when the living room temp was 49 and I was listening for the gushing of burst pipes (which, thankfully, never came) I thought..."Why do I live this way?" I often feel I don't deserve to own a house because I'm so bad at basic maintenance. If I lived my life in a different way I'd have good insulation and a new wood stove. This wood stove is more than 30 years old. It's a good one and I like it, but my chimney man says it's inefficient and should be replaced. Well, I guess my philosophy has always been "If it's not doing any damage, don't bother with it." Not a good life philosophy, but it's what I do. I'm feeling discouraged (oh, can you tell?) and unhappy about myself and my dealing with tough situations. I can function, but at my age shouldn't I be doing more than just functioning? I was out & about in the yard this morning, getting wood and chasing the dogs. I can stand the cold (in fact, I've always said I prefer cold to snow--maybe I'm changing my mind about that--let's wait until we have another foot or two of snow) and don't feel particularly proud of my ability to be out in it. But I just wonder how I let things get this bad. The insulation under the house is falling down. I can't afford to hire someone--or even buy the insulation and do it myself--to put in new insulation. This comes up every winter, then spring & summer come along and I forget about the urgency of the situation. I'm a procrastinator. I may apply for a special energy loan thing (I got information from Ex-husband) but hate to take on any more debt. And of course there's the embarrassment factor of having someone come to my house to do an energy audit. Well, get over that, girlie.
Other than the cold, life is fine. Lunch with Barb today, which will be nice. I finally finished the presents for her daughter's children and even managed to wrap them this morning so I can give them to her today. That feels like a big accomplishment.
The dogs don't seem to mind the sub-zero weather much. They've taken themselves for long walks the last 2 mornings, waiting until I'm ready to leave for work before disappearing. Honestly!
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