Monday, January 05, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
Not close to being ready for the future
Anyway, since I remember the whole evening I'm sure I was fine. I had a great talk with one man/couple who don't socialize that much. He's a staunch Democrat and gave $500 to Howard Dean's campaign when H. was running last time. I enjoyed visiting with him & we talked almost exclusively about the excitement of an Obama future. His wife went to Penn. to campaign--door-to-door, phone banks, stuffing envelopes. I told her how much I admired & envied her. And I really meant it, wishing I'd gone too. He also told stories of his golf cronies in Fla. (at a golf club with a membership fee of $250,000--I am always impressed by the amounts of money these people have) and how awful they are about an African American president.
Anyway, I'm totally zonked by this weather--5 days of subzero, after a nice break in RI spent with such nice people in such a nice place with sparkling blue-gray water and lobsters and good visits. I got totally depressed en route to work today. Yesterday I spent feeding a greedy wood stove, trying to get the living room at least close to 60 degrees. By midnight I succeeded, but I started at 8 a.m., when the temp was 47. I ask--is this a way to live? The plant in my bedroom froze long ago. The low temp in my house while I was away was 37 degrees. Average temps there these days are 50s where I sit to watch TV. I ask--is this a way to live? Last night in bed, almost shivering because I didn't have the heat on in the bedroom all day so by midnight it was too late to get it warm (poor kitty) I amended my firm and oft-uttered stand that the cold doesn't bother me, it's the snow I have a problem with. OK, I choose to live here and I can get through this. I'm just feeling depressed, suffering a lot, and TIRED of this. I know that the walls of my house got too cold while I was away and I just need to workworkwork hard to get them warm again. I can do this, oh yes I can. Please: none of you are to tell me that I need to live somewhere else. I like living here (or so I keep telling myself).
Last night I watched Mama Mia! on DVD. It was ok, the best part of course was the music. The worst part was watching Pierce Brosnan sing (I use the term loosely). I really don't like musicals. No, I REALLY don't like them. I like ABBA songs, though. Meryl Streep looks goofy in a musical, but at least she can sing. The scenery is pretty (especially when you're sitting in 50-degree comfort. no, wait, I promised no more of that).
Probably part of my state of mind is the sudden and critical brain bleed of one of my dear Illinois friends. One of the reunion women. The "good news" is that she squeezed someone's hand and opened her eyes briefly. I keep picturing her smiling face--she's one of the most cheerful people I've known in my life, always happy and smiling. We're all hoping for the best, but I don't think we can imagine what's really going to happen.
Another situation I'm trying to accept is, of course, Ken's continuing weakness. He's walking with a walker, is an invalid and has Steve, wonderful Steve staying with him all day. His kidneys are not functioning fully and I think he's headed for congestive heart failure. Doubtless this will drag on for too long a time. He has visits from the county nurse a couple of times a week. I stop every night after work but he sleeps a lot while I'm there and it ends up being a nice visit with Steve. Ken still says "You'd better! stop tomorrow night" so I know he enjoys having me there.
If anyone was feeling even slightly cheery and had hope for the new year, I guess I've done my part to blonk them right out of that. Sorry. But truly, don't worry, I've weathered many storms and will get through this. sniff, sniff. If I can get myself to clear a path to my kitchen this weekend I'll consider it a great victory. wish me luck. And don't forget that I have the 2 best dogs, who, along with Kuruma make up the World's Most Fabulous quadrapeds.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
let me tell you
CHARGE!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
December 2008
I’m afraid time is at a premium this year, so I’m turning to mass production. There’s nothing startling to report, but life is good.
Winter was what one would expect in the North Country. The highlight/lowlight of January was a 3-day power outage--long enough to fill my cellar with 3 feet of water. My non-submersible water pump survived submersion, as did the sump pump. Birds at the feeders included ever-present chickadees, downy and hairy woodpeckers, pine siskins, a few redpolls, screaming blue jays, evening grosbeaks (though not in numbers I used to have) and, as a treat, pine grosbeaks. There was enough snow to make me kneel to stick my head down into the garbage can where I store birdseed, to fill the scoop. That’s my measure of “yes, we had plenty of snow.”
An appealing 15” beagle named Uno
won Best in Show at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, vindicating rabbit hunters everywhere and making me smile.
Silver Lake’s ice was 18” thick in February.
March was especially unkind, -26 at one point. I earned bragging rights that month: I got my car stuck in snow perpendicularly across my driveway. The sides of the driveway were concrete-hard plowed banks 3’ high, and I managed to have both front and back bumpers jammed against them. I was forced to do what I truly hate: ask for help. My friends the Brousseau brothers picked up my Civic, turning it so it no longer looked like a cruel joke. I live in a place where friends never hesitate to answer a call for help.
An Easter trip to my mother’s in Rhode Island
provided me with the thrill of walking on bare ground as well as a visit with my niece Jenica and her husband Drew. I brought home a big fat goldfish, the bully of the RI fish community. He’s now the sole inhabitant of the tank on my desk at work—we look to each other for inspiration from time to time.
The ice went out of the lake on April 23rd-- about average. Life proceeded apace, with black flies and hummingbirds arriving at the same time in early May. The lake community kept close track of a young loon as it spent the summer swimming between its parents, learning how to be a loon. Because the female adult was banded, we learned that she is 6 years old and came from a neighboring lake. We had two pairs of very vocal adult loons on the lake this year.
I revisited my Midwestern roots in July, spending time in rural Wisconsin with friends from elementary/junior/senior high school. There were 18 of us staying together. A ride on the Duck in the Dells,
a guided nature walk (plenty of sand hill cranes) and being introduced live on NPR’s Whad’ya Know? while being Betsy Rogers again.
My sister took her annual summer trip from Italy and we spent two weeks with my mother in Rhode Island: great beach days
, perfect ocean, early morning dog walks, and delicious seafood. We learned more than enough about jellyfish—at one point the Atlantic was filled with millions (yes, millions) of tiny jellyfish, the size of a contact lens. As Jenica said, it was like swimming in a sea of ice cubes: in the water they’re hard. Washed up on the beach, exposed to air, they turn gooey and disgusting. Really—REALLY not a pleasant nautical experience.
The cat
demonstrated her hunting prowess throughout the summer. No ordinary cat, she slaughtered a dozen pygmy shrews and two kangaroo mice. The dogs, also special, roused a resting skunk under the house. The smell wafted into the living room, but only altered their fine perfume for a few days. Vinegar is vaguely effective as an odor eater.
I’m happy, healthy and truly enjoy where I live. I’m still pleased to be a librarian. I’ve got 10 cords of wood stacked and ready, new snow tires, down jacket, new boots, birdfeeders hung and full, driveway plowed—I’m ready for whatever winter brings. First, though, I’m off to Rhode Island for a chance to walk on bare ground at Christmas.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
1. Spend an hour each day without saying anything except in answer to direct questions, in the midst of the usual group, without creating the impression that you’re sulking or ill. Be as ordinary as possible. But do not volunteer remarks or try to draw out information.
2. Think for 30 minutes a day about one subject exclusively. Start with five minutes.
3. Write a letter without using the words I, me, mine, my.
4. Talk for 15 minutes a day without using I, me, my, mine.
5. Write a letter in a “successful” or placid tone. No misstatements, no lying. Look for aspects or activities that can be honestly reported that way.
6. Pause on the threshold of any crowded room and size it up.
7. Keep a new acquaintance talking about himself or herself without allowing him to become conscious of it. Turn back any courteous reciprocal questions in a way that your auditor doesn’t feel rebuffed.
8. Talk exclusively about yourself and your interests without complaining, boasting, or boring your companions.
9. Cut “I mean” or “As a matter of fact” or any other verbal mannerism out of your conversation.
10. Plan two hours of a day and stick to the plan.
11. Set yourself twelve tasks at random: e.g., go twenty miles from home using ordinary conveyance; go 12 hours without food; go eat a meal in the unlikelist place you can find; say nothing all day except in answer to questions; stay up all night and work.
12. From time to time, give yourself a day when you answer “yes” to any reasonable request.
From: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gretchen-rubin/12-surprising-and-product_b_147769.html
She says to go to http://www.scribd.com/doc/4710154/Dorothea-Brande-Wake-Up-and-Live for more information, and there I found the whole book Wake Up and Live online.
From an article in today's Washington Post, reporting on an investigation by the Congressional committee's into Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac mortgage practices--
Lawmakers investigating what led to the collapse of Fannie and Freddie accused the richly-compensated executives of greed, recklessness and helping to cause the financial crisis.
The committee released e-mails, memos, presentations and other documents showing that top executives at Fannie and Freddie were warned years ago that moving into new, risky areas of the mortgage market posed significant dangers to the companies and borrowers.
“These documents make clear that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac knew what they were doing," Waxman said. "Their own risk managers raised warning after warning about the dangers of investing heavily in the subprime and alternative mortgage markets."
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Hello, Dorothy?
I haven't been around much for the last while. Ken has been gravely ill, a slow heart rate which lead to oxygen deprivation, coupled with dehydration and being poisoned by blood thinners. He's been in the hospital for 2 weeks and is now a greatly improved patient. Is walking with a walker (which sounds not great but trust me, is incredibly good), is eating (again, more exciting than can be believed--half a bowl of oatmeal and 1/2 cup of ice cream, 2 bottles of Ensure a day for 3 weeks before hospitalization), and now is cross because he can't go home until tomorrow. He agreed to having a pacemaker put in, at the insistence of his sons, so now his heart rate is up from 50 to 70 and he's much improved.
I've been working extra hours every day so I can spend 1 1/2 hours with him at lunch time and I go there every night after work at 5 and stay until nearly 8. Sometimes Bill and I overlap, sometimes not. Sometimes I put Ken to bed, sometimes Bill does. on it goes. When he goes home he'll have a relative (Stevie, who's an angel, and the neighborhood contractor) stay with him all morning. I'll stop by every evening on my way home to get him something to eat. Maybe a Medicare nurse can spend time with him. He's agreed to MedicAlert (milestone!) and I'll sleep with my phone by the bed (yes, Ken, yes, I reassure him constantly). He worries about being alone at night but I showed him that he can get out of bed on his own and can get to the bathroom (this is a huge concern for the elderly--just you wait, everyone, we'll be there soon enough).
So we have winter, we have work, we have Christmas, we have a house that's been trashed, we have well-behaved and loving dogs and a needy cat who got shut in the bedroom yesterday but still wanted to spend the evening in there. We have good wood to burn but couldn't get the house warmer than 54 last night. What's up with that? Got home too late, finally just went to bed. It's warmer today and I'll get home earlier, no grocery shopping tonight.
I hope this doesn't sound whiny, I'm not suffering. It's true, I'm tired of room 432 and Mr. Brooks, the deaf roommate who watched Spanish TV until his daughter said "They're speaking Spanish!" and changed the channel. He's leaving today and hardly ever had any company so Bill & I chatted with him & I tucked him in once in a while. He & Ken "raced" each other to the bathroom (think 2 old men with bare butts and walkers) and spent inordinate amounts of time in there.
I think this may be easier than doing it for my mother will be--I have a lot of patience with Ken, and he and I have many, many long-standing jokes we share. At any rate, it's certainly good practice.
So I guess I have enough time to write this. I have nothing else to report. I spent most of last weekend at the hospital. But I promise myself that this weekend belongs to ME. A visit or 2 with Ken, but at least he'll be in Hawkeye instead of 30 miles away.
visitors
Monday, December 01, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving
fore 'n aft
tgiving 08 045
zzzzz
Monday, November 24, 2008
Whiteface on 112408
It was 4 degrees yesterday morning at my house. Truly, there's plenty of time for that sort of thing. Is it necessary to have that in November? There are those here who say "Well, after all--it's late November." Then there are those of my ilk, who say "What the hell, it's only November!"
Friday, November 14, 2008
oct weekend 029
This was the other side of the lake in October. Oct. was a good month, lots of people still around. Linda left after Columbus Day. I miss her but we've both adjusted to our lives. I'm muddling along, trying to figure out the best way to lose weight. so far not good. There was a mean, trick mirror in the hotel I just stayed in, that made me look very very fat--like, repulsively fat. So now I'm shamed into action. No more big bowls of granola, pretending it's good for me.
That's about the only thing that's going wrong these days. I guess.
oct weekend 032
This looks like an animal's pretty hide, I think. Still attached to the animal, of course.
Everyone in the neighborhood was disgusted with one of the renters because he shot a small (think barely bigger than a cub) bear and hung it from his porch roof. Yes, you do hang your kill here, but he kept his up for a long time so everyone could get a good look. I don't understand why people hunt bears here, but it happens. One day when I drove by he was skinning it. YUCKA PUCKA. Now everyone thinks he's a quadruple triple multiple jerk










































