I'm don't think I can confess the full details of my New Year's Eve, but I do know I have to stay away from open bars at social gatherings. It was a wonderful party and I got to visit with lake people I like being with and being known by. I just hope I'm not known as The Girl Who Can Drink a Whole Bottle of Vodka.
Anyway, since I remember the whole evening I'm sure I was fine. I had a great talk with one man/couple who don't socialize that much. He's a staunch Democrat and gave $500 to Howard Dean's campaign when H. was running last time. I enjoyed visiting with him & we talked almost exclusively about the excitement of an Obama future. His wife went to Penn. to campaign--door-to-door, phone banks, stuffing envelopes. I told her how much I admired & envied her. And I really meant it, wishing I'd gone too. He also told stories of his golf cronies in Fla. (at a golf club with a membership fee of $250,000--I am always impressed by the amounts of money these people have) and how awful they are about an African American president.
Anyway, I'm totally zonked by this weather--5 days of subzero, after a nice break in RI spent with such nice people in such a nice place with sparkling blue-gray water and lobsters and good visits. I got totally depressed en route to work today. Yesterday I spent feeding a greedy wood stove, trying to get the living room at least close to 60 degrees. By midnight I succeeded, but I started at 8 a.m., when the temp was 47. I ask--is this a way to live? The plant in my bedroom froze long ago. The low temp in my house while I was away was 37 degrees. Average temps there these days are 50s where I sit to watch TV. I ask--is this a way to live? Last night in bed, almost shivering because I didn't have the heat on in the bedroom all day so by midnight it was too late to get it warm (poor kitty) I amended my firm and oft-uttered stand that the cold doesn't bother me, it's the snow I have a problem with. OK, I choose to live here and I can get through this. I'm just feeling depressed, suffering a lot, and TIRED of this. I know that the walls of my house got too cold while I was away and I just need to workworkwork hard to get them warm again. I can do this, oh yes I can. Please: none of you are to tell me that I need to live somewhere else. I like living here (or so I keep telling myself).
Last night I watched Mama Mia! on DVD. It was ok, the best part of course was the music. The worst part was watching Pierce Brosnan sing (I use the term loosely). I really don't like musicals. No, I REALLY don't like them. I like ABBA songs, though. Meryl Streep looks goofy in a musical, but at least she can sing. The scenery is pretty (especially when you're sitting in 50-degree comfort. no, wait, I promised no more of that).
Probably part of my state of mind is the sudden and critical brain bleed of one of my dear Illinois friends. One of the reunion women. The "good news" is that she squeezed someone's hand and opened her eyes briefly. I keep picturing her smiling face--she's one of the most cheerful people I've known in my life, always happy and smiling. We're all hoping for the best, but I don't think we can imagine what's really going to happen.
Another situation I'm trying to accept is, of course, Ken's continuing weakness. He's walking with a walker, is an invalid and has Steve, wonderful Steve staying with him all day. His kidneys are not functioning fully and I think he's headed for congestive heart failure. Doubtless this will drag on for too long a time. He has visits from the county nurse a couple of times a week. I stop every night after work but he sleeps a lot while I'm there and it ends up being a nice visit with Steve. Ken still says "You'd better! stop tomorrow night" so I know he enjoys having me there.
If anyone was feeling even slightly cheery and had hope for the new year, I guess I've done my part to blonk them right out of that. Sorry. But truly, don't worry, I've weathered many storms and will get through this. sniff, sniff. If I can get myself to clear a path to my kitchen this weekend I'll consider it a great victory. wish me luck. And don't forget that I have the 2 best dogs, who, along with Kuruma make up the World's Most Fabulous quadrapeds.
Oh, dear, I'm glad you had a good New Year's Eve and that you remember it. Vodka is good.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about all the illness around you. Stay well yourself, please!
winter = bad most of the time
ReplyDeletesummer = good most of the time
except that here in southern Italy it's more often too hot than too cold.
but the ice singing? has the ice sung to you yet this year? I still envy that sound, and would love to hear it.
Not enough to be cold. I was pissed this morning because the boiler/heater went out with the rain, and went and bought a space heater. That's how anti-cold I am.
I hope your house heats up soon.
This morning I misread the outdoor half of the thermometer and thought it said it was 50 outside. It was 50 inside, of course... but I had a moment of sleepy glee. Which passed rapidly.
ReplyDeleteDrew demanded that I make the snow go away earlier this week. I offered him a nice dinner instead, because, well, what can you do?
I'm so sorry about Ken. The inevitability doesn't make it any easier.
Love you.