Morpheus

OK, everyone, don't follow me, just acknowledge my plan.

And now it's late in the day and I'm hysterical because I called my doctor, finally, mustering up my emotional courage, to tell him that my brother died of heart problems. I thought he'd just want to have a quiet conversation with me, discussing what we might want to consider doing or thinking about next. But NOOOOOO, he wants to see me right away, tomorrow morning at 9:15. This scares the shit out of me and upsets me because I don't really want to talk to him about how my brother just died, that still makes me very sad so of course I'll cry. And I still feel as if I'm crying wolf when I talk about heart disease because I think I sound like a neurotic fool whining about yet another perceived problem. But seriuosly, I'm afraid of what's going on inside of my body. Every time I have a strange twinge above my waist I'm sure it's a clot or some sort of plug in one of my veins or arteries. So this is a good thing, to see the doctor. At least he'll reassure me, if he doesn't think I should be hysterical. And now I sit, legally tranquilized, waiting for the end of the day so I can go home to mess with my dogs and my plants, haul out my mower just in case I decide to try to get it started (although that would require gasolline). Ken told me his secret to getting them started: pour gasoline directly on the spark plug if it doesn't start after severl primings and pulls. OK, sure, first you have to unscrew the spark plug and we all know that can't be simple for me to do. Anyway, I'll try not to think of the inadequacies of my circulatory system tonight. I just remember when I was in first grade and they decided there was something terribly wrong with my heart and did a battery of tests and Liza was really, really worried, which she never was about her children. Turned out all tlhey could figure was a heart murmer. Then Henry and Molly developed them too, later on.

And the junky fiction I've been discarding this afternoon is beyond belief. The Mutiny on the Bounty series, plus everything else Nordoff ever wrote. And moving right along to Andre Norton. At least I finally finished the M's--that was a milestone (yes, that's right, M is for Milestone). And tomorrow is Friday. I have a project to work on, which is a good thing, and it's something I can stand to do (coming up with a PLAN, yes a PLAN for member libraries to follow in the process of automating). Then I have to set up an agenda for next week's automated ILL meeting. And on Tuesday I'm off to Albany for the hearing about whether we negotiated in bad faith (if you type that really fast it comes out bath) when we refused to negoitate about whether we should go for 2 weeks without pay this year because management screwed it all up and didn't plan for a 27-pay-period year. Oh swell, a face-off with CEF's attorney. Not alone, though--our union rep, union attorney and 3 of us are going. It's in Albany so will take the entire day, from 7:00 to at least 4 I suppose.

Just let me get to the weekend, the blessed weekend.