So I spent half an hour writing something and it wouldn't post. How many times should I mess with this thing? Here's what it said:
I had a productive morning. Worked on ILL requests, which used to make me feel good, matching requests with books, getting people what they want. Today I found it tedious and I didn't really care if I found anything or not. It passed the time.
Yesterday I called in sick, had a hard pain in the pit of my stomach. Because it was the 5th, a month after Henry died? I doubt it. I had to go to Burlington for my annual pap/physical. The polyp on my cervix is still there, still probably not cancer. I am now a normal post-menopausal woman. For the first time in my life I am gynecologically normal. I don't know how this feels. I am to take 1500 mg of calcium, 300 mg more than I already do, and more vitamin E than I do. I am having a bone density test done and will call to schedule a mammogram. My NP there thinks I should really, really have a cardio-vascular workup done.
The ferry rides were uneventful but the chocolates enjoyed them very much. Tess has learned quickly about drive-up windows and dog biscuits. They got treats on BOTH sides of the lake.
I stopped at Gardeners' Supply to get something for Liza for mothers day. All I could find was deer repellent, but I found things for myself (new mud gloves, diaschia seeds, b.t. rings to put in my rain barrels to kill mosquito larvae). I usually get seeds for Henry there, and this year he asked specifically for par-cel. This made me very sad when I got there.
I had lunch with my friend Barb today. She has been my mainstay for 15 years. We talked about funerals, death, dead bodies, final arrangements--Dr. Ruben would be so pleased! I need to talk more but I just don't feel like it. Tonight I will call Kristen to wish her a good trip and just to TALK.
Last night dinner with Ken wasn't very cheery. My fault, I wasn't terribly sociable. I got special steak and some potato salad, which he really liked, but I wasn't in a very good mood. He tried to cheer me up but he's not very good at it, mostly he just gets depressed too.
The moon the other night was this huge deep golden ball hanging on the horizon. Henry would have been pleased to see it. We know he would have.
I looked at 16 pages of shoes, 99 pairs to a page at zappos.com this morning and picked out the perfect pair on page 7. I'll order them tomorrow when my paycheck is deposited. They're $70 shoes on sale for $28, FREE SHIPPING. You can't pass up free shipping. Tess has started chewing shoes. I cannot allow this to continue. I forgive the 2 diamond earrings she made disappear but shoes...this cannot be forgiven.
I can't focus on anything. I like to fall asleep on the couch in front of the tv but I really like going to bed in my bedroom, in my bed with my dogs. I feel cheated if I stumble into bed at 2 and will only get to be in bed for 4 hours.
The sun is shining. My daffodils are truly spectacular this year and sometimes I can actually enjoy them.