So which Madonna song am I? Well, I didn't think I would be ANY one of them, I challenged Quizilla to come up with one, and surprize, surprize they didn't do too badly. None of the questions had a thing to do with me.

I rushed in to work this morning, convinced I had a 7:30 meeting. No, dear, that's TOMORROW morning, when you were planning to have your blood tested. jerk. Now you'll have to get to Pbg at 7 to do that, to make sure you get to the meeting on time. Now THERE's a real challenge. Leave home by 6:15. as if.

When I got home last night, after having a really nice day there was a huge puddle of pee at the end of the hallway, and pee on the rug in the bathroom. Are those 2 dogs having a contest? Do they pee in tandem? Does one remind the other that they CAN pee in the house? I can't stand this. There were also little teeny turds scattered around the living room rug, blending in perfectly with the navy background. I spread newspaper the whole length of the hallway, hoping to deter Jackson because I thought what he liked was peeing on the floor. No, he just likes peeing in the house. I think I'll call the vet, but first I'm taking away their water during the day. Let them die of dehydration.

I had a good day yesterday. Long drive through the woods and lakes to training. Training all day (only dozed in the afternoon). I like the guy who did the afternoon training, have been to several of his sessions over the past 10 or so years. The morning trainer treated us like 3 year olds, unaware that we've all been doing interlibrary loan for 15-20 years ourselves. Then I stopped to see Jenica and Miles (and Jack). That was great. Miles is the cutest kittie in the world. He's is absolutely beautiful, with an hourglass figure in white on his belly and the whitest, most petite feet possible and the most beautiful black eyeglasses. He's really lovely and has a great disposition. I kissed his belly and he let me, a true sign of wonderfulness.

When I got home my sciatica was killing me so I treated it by moving and stacking 8 wheelbarrow loads of firewood. If I actually did this every day I would get it all done in a reasonable period of time. I don't think I'll have time tonight: I have to go to the store to get the special hot dogs for Ken's dinner, then I have to go to Ken's for dinner tonight. I'll try to move 4 loads, though. The pile in the shed is growing. I love to see that, I stand with my hands on my hips and nod approvingly.

I had the best talk with Kristen last night, we reconnected after a long time. We've both just been busy settling into Life After. She sounds good (yes, Kristen, you do) and in fine form. Amazing to buy a house at 29 and arrange a life for 4 people so well. We had a great time quoting each other's counseling sessions to each other. That's one of the best-ever things about being in therapy, sharing the gems with someone you're close to who's going through it at the same time. You both benefit tremendously.

I also talked to Liza, which was a less satisfactory conversation, but I was pleased that she called me, in need of distraction and company. Mark had gone to bed (it was about 7:15) and she wanted to hear someone else's voice. We didn't have much of a conversation but I made her laugh. I think I can always do that, and that's something I can give her.

The moon was full and bright when I left this morning, very pretty with all the autumn colors. We had strong winds at home yesterday, I could tell by all the leaves on the ground. This always happens: we get the colors on the trees looking really great, then a big wind comes along and knocks them all off. I saw 2 flocks of geese yesterday, one when I was stacking wood, in a pretty shaky but definite V. I love that sound, a gentle honking when they tell you that it's really time to think about the next season.

You are HOLIDAY.... You are spontaneous and
fun-loving, with a sense of adventure and need
for attention. You're kind of childish, and
just want someone to play with. You do things
that make you happy and you won't betray the
things you like just because some people think
they are tacky!

What Madonna Song are You?
brought to you by

Carriage bolt: that's what I needed for my wheelbarrow! I love Lowes. Standing in front of this wall of bolts and screws, all sizes was like being a dog standing in front of a wall of milk bones. I loved it. I found what I was looking for, bought two, matched wing nuts to the size I needed, paid 26 cents for each bolt. I bought a new watering can for my house plants (thank you Tess) after crawling on my belly to reach the only one small enough to suit me among the hysterical-looking sea of outdoor watering cans on the bottom shelf. I bought a spray bottle to use with my huge philodendron that has scale so I can now spray the organic insecticide I bought weeks ago on it. I bought paint so I can paint the door from the bathroom to the studio an "accent" color. yeah me. I love Lowes. All for $20 and so much more fun than the grocery store.

Then I came home and fixed the 'barrow, which was not easy but I figured it out, and stacked wood. I'm shooting for 8 wheelbarrow loads at a time. That's about as many as I can stand to do at once. Tonight it was 70 degrees, really too hot by my standards to stack wood (I actually broke a sweat, which is just NOT something I do). So now I have the first rank started, and for me getting started is absolutely the hardest part. I love checking out my firewood as I load it in the wheelbarrow--what kind of wood each piece is. Some cherry this time, which is very pretty but which some people don't like to burn. I like burning it. Some beech, again, some people don't like burning it but I do. Lots of maple, which is good. Size of the pieces is good, lots of mid-size pieces with some big pieces too. If only it were July, then I'd feel better, but this will dry some, maybe enough.

So now I'm watching CSI, my nightly fix. No one peed or pooped or threw up while I was at work so the house was in pretty good shape when I got home. They've all been outside for 3 hours, having a great time. Now they're quiet, in for the night and resting. I don't know what they were doing outside but at one point Tess and Chances told me that something big, scary and threatening was there and I should be really, really afraid. For a long time they barked and barked.

So I don't have to leave for Canton until 8 tomorrow, another bonus. Training is from 10-4 but it can't possibly last that long. It's the new ILL program, but there's just no way they can spend that many hours explaining it. Should be a pretty ride. I'd stop to see Jenica but I need to get there and get home (have all that wood to stack).

Got my DVDs in the mail today. Love Actually and In America. Hugh Grant just because he's cute and In America because it's supposed to be very good. I've wanted to see Garden State for a long time but I don't imagine it'll make it to Pbg. so I'll have to wait until it makes it to DVD. It's had lots of attention and good reviews. You lucky Midwesterners!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Another priceless sunny day with fantastic color coming along. Still not peak but working toward that. I had to drive to Akwesasne, the Indian reservation, which is on the St. Lawrence, to do a "quick version" of the 3 hour workshop I've been doing on collection development. I forgot to buy gas this morning and was driving there with another librarian, oblivious to the yellow light on the instrument panel until we got to Fort Covington ("The Fort"). God what a fool. Anyway, I got gas, squeezed 440 miles out of the tank of gas, which means I must have really had NO gas left in the tank, it was a nerve-wracking few miles after I discovered I had no gas before we found a gas station in the middle of nowhere. So I get to the reservation only to discover that they called me after I left to tell me not to bother coming, there wasn't enough of an audience for me to do the presentation. So I wasted pretty much my whole day: 1 1/2 hours up there to speak to an audience of 2. Then I had to stay for lunch (potluck: last night I made apple brownies. This morning while I was brushing my teeth Tess took them off the counter and ate them all. I bought a $10 chocolate torte at the best bakery in town). Then I had to stay for their discussion of fundraising. Then I had to drive home with the director, but fortunately another director I like very much rode with us. I took the scenic route home, over the mountain (and through the woods) and it was very pretty. Went through Lyon Mountain, where we used to go with my grandfather when we were kids, looking for slag from the iron mine there. And now it's pretty much time for me to go home. I had to cancel my chiropractor's appointment this morning and my sciatica is killing me. Have to drive to Canton tomorrow for all-day training. Oh boy! Sitting in a hard chair all day after driving for 1 1/2 hours! Yahoo!

So I had an ok weekend, not terribly productive but I did get my rug cleaned. I bought the neatest little rug shampooer. You have to get on the floor to use it, it's only for small jobs but is very useful for someone whose dogs pee on the rug. I cleaned my living room rug, which has never been cleaned. Man oh man was it filthy. Then I cleaned the two bathroom rugs that Chances peed on. Now they don't smell like pee anymore, nor does my living room. It smells like clean rug. I'm happy but it took forever and was tiring. Not something I'll do often, but I imagine I'll do lots of spot-cleaning, thank you Chances. What's up with these dogs? They seem to have stopped throwing up but now Jackson pees and poops on the floor every night. It's not as if he can't hold it, he holds it all day from 7-5. Last night I let him out at midnight, and when I got up at 6, there it all was, in the same spot. I fantasized about having him put to sleep, telling the vet he can't control his bowels anymore. How nice it would be to have just the brown girls. I'll call the vets for advice, see what they say. I can't live with this, that's for sure.

Yesterday I went to camp. The far shore is really pretty but not yet peak. Unusual for the last weekend in September. Plenty of reds but still plenty of green as well. It was sunny and warm. I wanted to borrow camp's wheelbarrow because mine is missing a bolt--but camp's has a flat tire. This sucks. I was all set to stack firewood yesterday, but with no wheelbarrow I can't move the wood from site A to the wood shed. That was that. In the afternoon two people brought my dogs back from the bog. The guy brought out his cell phone and said he wanted to call the number on their tags but he couldn't get any cell service. Give me a break. They said, very dramatically that the dogs followed them ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP. Big whoop. I didn't have the heart to tell them that it was probably the third time that day they'd done that. Anyway they were nice people who were concerned about having the dogs get home ok.

I've been thinking about Henry a lot. Yesterday I walked on the path he made to the crest of my hill, which has the view of Whiteface he knew I should have. The view is getting overgrown now, but the path is still there. I walked past the brush pile he made for me to burn and felt so sad. He had great plans for my land and my house. This morning I cried most of the way to work. I miss him very, very much. I called Liza when I got to work and had a nice talk with her. She seems as if she's trying hard to not be so depressed (JoAnne threatened her with antidepressants and that did it--shape up, Liza, or else! so now she's trying to feel better. who knows). I'm going there in a couple of weeks, which will be nice for all of us.

And now I have to stop at Loews to try to find a bolt that will fit my wheelbarrow so I can start moving my firewood. This is getting to be way too much for me to think about but I have to get it done. Maybe I'll have to buy a new wheelbarrow. It's a real pain in the neck transporting it home, I have to have it bungeed, sticking out of the trunk. But I do the things I have to do.

NOW WHY WOULD?
Now why would a sales rep "drop by" at 2:45 on a Friday afternoon, "just to introduce" himself? I spoke to him with my arms full of the books I was using to fill requests, not letting him beyond the vestibule, not quite tapping my toes, but being (I thought) visibly eager to get back to my tasks. This is just not the way to endear yourself to me. Make a call BEFORE you stop by and I'll let you know when it's convenient for me to interrupt myself to speak to you. Plus he had no idea how we function here, thought we did all the purchasing and processing for our 35 member libraries, and we had a subscription to Grolier Online. NOT. Give me a break. He kept trying to correct me when I said none of the above were true. "Why would they say that?" he asked 3 times. Go fuck yourself, I said not outloud.

What a gorgeous fall day it is, though. Huge flock of turkeys ambling across the road on my way to work this morning. You have to laugh when you get that close to them. They don't call 'em turkeys for nothing. They really are something to see. Mondo ugly from the neck up, and not the sharpest knives in the drawer, but clever in their own way. The colors of the trees are really getting pretty. Lots of rusts and reds coming along.

I can't figure out what's going on with the dogs. No puke yesterday but Chances loves to pee in the same spot on the rug and really stink up the house. I don't know if it's a psychological thing or if there's really something wrong with her. Anyway, Tess didn't puke yesterday during the day so I thought we were all set, but she woke me during the night with 2 huge piles on the floor. Swell. I think they ate massive quantities of rotten apples in the woods this week. I followed them last night and they went right down to the apple trees, shuffling along the forest floor in the sweetest (most puke-worthy) way. I didn't let them eat much, so I thought they'd be ok. Let's see what greets me tonight. I have to look for an inexpensive rug cleaning machine at Walmart on my way home tonight. And buy Chances a new collar, since Tess woke me this morning to the sound of >crunch, crunch, crunch< as she chewed the plastic parts the nice purple collar C. has had for 2 years. Somehow she tore if off and started chewing it. She loves to chew that webbing stuff. This dog has cost a small fortune in stuff she's chewed up. Oh, but she's so cute and I love her so much.

I listened to Sgt. Pepper on the way to work this morning. I didn't realize that it had been exactly 6 months since Henry began to die, but I got very emotional hearing the music. I remember when the album first came out, how much he loved it and how much he wanted Molly and me to love it too. He sat me down in his room at Winthrop Lane and had me listen to it from start to finish. I have to admit I wasn't as enamored as he was (but then I wasn't doing the same drugs he was at that point) but boy I sure came to love that album. What a masterpiece. Each song is just so perfect. I love "indicate precisely what you mean to say" as a phrase. And Rita, and Lucy, and Billy Shears. But it made me sad before it made me happy. I miss my brother, have been thinking of him all week, more than usual. Of course I think of him every day, but this week I just start crying. This is ok, I can stop more easily now. Anyway, I've always heard that John and Paul wanted to make an album that was at least as good as Brian Wilson's "Pet Sounds," and that's what inspired them to do Sgt. Pepper. I always wondered about that, because who knew that Brian Wilson was a musical genius? But now I listen to the harmonies in the Beach Boys' songs and realize how beautiful and complex they are. But I always have to laugh because my favorite, my all-time favorite was Dennis, the drummer, who turned out to be a raging alcoholic who destroyed his life and ultimately drowned in an alcoholic haze. Soon Brian will be releasing "Smile," the unfinished album, which will hopefully be the masterpiece everyone has been expecting it to be for decades.

So what's up for this weekend? Not much. Stack firewood, for sure. Yeah, she always says that. No, really, this time I really mean it. I have to, it's nearly October and I have this huge pile of wood to get drying. I was thinking I should mow at least part of my lawn--not to get it mowed, but to use up the gas in the mower before I store it for winter. Not supposed to store them with gas in them. Every fall I dump out the gas & make a mess. Other than that, nothing going on. Feeling pretty laid back, is that good? Wrote my articles for the shoreowners' newsletter, after putting that off for 6 weeks. Nothing very inspiring or creative. Meant to write something fascinating about Daddy longlegses, but never got around to doing the research so that will have to wait. They're all over the place these days, fall must be their busy time. Someone told me their venom is deadly, which I've heard before, but they never bite so they're harmless. Whatever that means.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning
So we prevailed at my hearing yesterday, but that was just a battle, and the end result is that she dug in her heels more deeply and is now incredibly angered and ready to draw blood. The hearing officer ruled that they had not followed proper procedures (quelle surprise) so her written reprimand must be destroyed. They had claimed that our grievance had no merit because we had taken to long to pay the filing fee. That got show down by the hearing officer because there's no time limit in our contract for filing the fee. I could hear the system's attorney shouting at the end when the two attorneys were meeting with the hearing officer for the final decision to be made. So here's how it went: I went in to the room with the hearing officer, my attorney, my union rep, the director and the system's attorney. Emy (sys. attorney) presented joint documentation, which consisted of memos and letters. accepted by all. Discussion of events and memos. Emy tries to make the case about whether or not I accepted the written reprimand when it was presented to me. Director is sworn in (refuses to raise her right hand on religious grounds--she's a Quaker). Is asked questions about the meeting at which she presented me with the written reprimand. Since I know she can't remember details, I can tell she makes up certain salient points, stumbles over others. Says I didn't sign off on the memo. The memo says that if I don't sign it, disciplinary charges will be taken. "Were these charges taken?" no. My union rep is sworn in, as he was also present at the meeting, and heard me say that I refused to sign or accept the reprimand. At this point Emy enters into evidence the notes (anecdotal) taken by director at the meeting. In capital letters are written "DENIAL" about my reaction. Ken (union rep) says that every time I try to speak I'm interrupted by Mary, who says, "of course you'd deny it, that's what I'd expect you to do." I remember all this painfully well. Does Ken remember my saying that I refuse to accept the reprimand? Yes, he clearly does. I don't get to testify. RATS! We leave for lunch while the hearing officer makes his decision. We return, wait for half an hour, during which time the tranquilizer's soporific effect takes hold and I begin to doze. Finally attorneys are called in and decision is announced to them (I hear yelling). We're called outside, told the results and I'm asked if I want to proceed with a hearing on the reprimand at this point. This would mean that all witnesses would be called and all accusations would be addressed--my trying to subvert the process, calling someone a cripple, my interfering with Julie's doing her job, etc. I decide to end the day, don't want to deal with the ramblings of a lunatic at this point, knowing that she will rewrite the charges in a (seemingly) more coherent form. Maybe this is wise, maybe not, but it will give us a chance to prepare a stronger case against the cripple comment, which is not what my attorney has been focusing on thus far. We need one witness he has not lined up for the day. Besides, I'm TIRED OF THIS. So that's it for the day. Wasted 5 hours and a lot of the library's and union's money. And that was only round 1.

When we get back to the library the director finds me delivering an audio book to another member of the staff and tells me it's time for us all to be doing work in our own departments now. OK, I say. I walk by another person's cubicle: she tells me the workshop we were to do in Malone is cancelled. The director hovers, listening in on the conversation. I go to the bathroom. Julie is in there. The director follows me there. Is this woman rowing with two oars? I pee and flush, Julie and I say "See you tomorrow." That seemed safe enough.

So I go to the chiropractor, who wants to talk about all sorts of things, but ends up giving me very explicit instructions on how to move firewood. This is good. He also works on my pressure points for spleen, intestine and liver. This is to help my sacro-iliac so my legs won't ache all the time when I sit down. And today I feel better driving in to work and sitting at my desk.

Then I finally get home to discover that dog A has peed on the floor and rug, while dog B has puked in her cage. We're having a rash of puking and peeing in the house this week. I don't know what's going on. Chances and Tess are puking every day but are fine otherwise. No loss of appetite (just the reverse--of COURSE they're hungry, their stomachs are empty!). I have no idea what the pee is about or who's doing it. All I know is that it's no fun to walk in the door and start cleaning up puke and pee before you get to relax and eat your dinner. Just before I went to bed I let them all out to pee (and puke, if they had to, since Chances had spent one night puking on the floor 4 times) and only Chances returned. FINE! I shut the door, turned out the lights and went to bed. Chances worries about Tess if she doesn't come home, but I was so tired and drained that I slept soundly all night. No one was at the door this morning, though, causing mild concerned. I called Jackson & Tess, and 2 minutes later Tess came bounding up the stairs and into the house, very happy to see me and relate her adventures. Jackson ambled in a little later. This is not a good way to monitor what they eat or how firm their poop is, but I'm just not up to controlling them these days. I can barely keep track of myself. Let's see what greets me when I get home.

Today I'm cataloging videos of classic films (done) and will now write some articles for our newsletter. One will be about the nice workshop I went to on redesigning library space. That will be ok to do. Another will be a potpourri of interesting websites and the third will be excellent election-related websites. you go girl.

Tomorrow I have to do a repeat of the workshop on collection development for member libraries. I think we have an audience of 4, but not 4 who are motivated or stimulating, if I'm correct in guessing who the 4 are. But I'll do my best. yuck it up.

It continues to be autumn here. I bought 2 sweaters from Lands End overstocks yesterday. cotton. And two long sleeved tops at Penneys last night while I was waiting for my apointment at the chiropr.'s. I need some more pants, and that will be my winter/fall wardrobe for the year.

So that's the news. Sick dogs, wiped out me, work, firewood.

The lost weekend
I left my house this morning, surveying my living room and said, "This is not the way a house should look after a weekend." It should have looked clean, straightened up and much more organized. What did I do all weekend? Well, yesterday I took a wonderful, 2 hour nap. That's what a glass of bourbon and a glass of wine at 1:00 with Sunday dinner will do for you. We had dinner at Fred's camp, which is a beautiful place, and he had a wonderful fire in the fireplace. It was great and we all relaxed, enjoyed each other's company and the day. Then I went home and crashed. Tess ripped apart my $8 Target purse, frustrated because I had zipped it shut. She tore a hole in the bottom and emptied the contents. One tranquilizer was missing from the pill bottle (but she apparently did NOT eat it, judging by her behavior in the evening) and the car was locked (after she played with the remote door locker, oh these modern inventions I'm just an old-fashioned girl), but at least this time she didn't chew up my credit cards--or maybe that was NOT a blessing. Chances puked all night, sitting humbly in the corner after each episode. I watched the Emmys last night--sometimes I really enjoy the total waste of time that awards shows are. I brought in all my house plants because we had frost warnings. No frost, but now I have plants on every surface in my living room. I cut back the Swedish (jah) ivy to nubbins and am rooting a new potful (as if I needed another plant) in anticipation of the death of my huge (9' long) asparagus fern that hangs from the second floor. I think it's getting to be too old and will die soon. I worried that Tess' heart was beating too fast and she was going to die during the night, then discovered that that is the normal rate for a dog's heart to beat when I FINALLY found Chances' heartbeat under the layers of fat and ribs. See, I found a chewed up and empty pill bottle with the label destroyed on the l. room floor after my nap and I didn't know what she had eaten, or if she had eaten an Atavan, or what she had done while I was asleep. With this dog you just never know. Her heart was just beating so quickly I was sure no heart could make it through the night. But lo and behold that's the normal rate. Go figure.

But I had an ok weekend. Not productive, fairly sociable. I went to a great workshop on Friday, done by an architect who works with libraries (why didn't we have one of those when we did our building renovation?) on redesigning your library. He was great and my time was well spent. Friday night my cousin Tom stopped by and we visited for a few hours. I had my wood delivered and Tom and the driver picked the best spot for it to be dumped (don't you just love it when two men get together). The driver turned out to be my plowman so I had a chance to butter him up a whole lot. He works for the town in the winter. Tom and I talked about Henry and both cried, that felt sort of good.

Saturday I packed up my garbage and went to camp to clean out the refrigerators. Tom, Bill and their brother-in-law Jim were there, just finishing up the dock removal. Boat house out and stored in the slip (see, Jenica--that was a good idea, wasn't it!). We stood in the sun in the driveway, traditional shit-shooting spot and visited for 45 minutes or so. They are very nice people. Then I went to the dump. My friend Lin came over, picked up the book our group is reading this month, we visited a bit. She invited me for dinner at their camp, Tom & Bill invited me for dinner at their camp. In the end I stayed home, just didn't feel like going anywhere. Good idea, bad idea, I just stayed home. Watched Matchstick Men. Nicholas Cage is such a good actor. Good movie.

And now it's Monday, zeroing in on the end of September. Have already had big discussion about who should be deleting records from the data base, how we should handle "unowned" records in the data base, what to do about renegade and unpleasant staff member at library next door. But all was good in discussion, no one got upset and I soothed everyone and lulled them by saying no decisions would be made until I have all the information about how and how much work is currently being done. blah blah blah.

Tomorrow is the hearing for my grievance against the director. My friend Julie has been subpoened to testify on my behalf. That was a big surprise to the director. Julie was referred to in the written reprimand that is the center of the whole grievance. The director accused me of phoning and conversing with Julie to the point of interfering with her ability to get her work done, and in an attempt to subvert the assessment process. Lies, all lies! Anyway, Julie and I never talk on the phone and both know the whole thing is laughable. Whether she'll have to testify is not known but my lawyer wants her there on my behalf. Am I nervous about the hearing? You bet, but not just yet. Tomorrow I'll be hysterical. Today I'm just getting my work done.

The sun is shining and it's a beautiful autumn day. It was very cold this morning, but the leaves are turning and it's one of the prettiest times of year at my house. I have a huge pile of firewood to stack. woo-hoo. I didn't touch a stick of it Saturday or yesterday, oh the shame of it. I did get to talk to my sister, though, which was a nice treat.

The perfect shoe
The search never ends, but if I ever found the perfect shoe, then I'd have to stop buying shoes, and that would be tragic. As it is now, I bought 2 new pairs of shoes (I hear the collective groan) on sale from Lands End overstocks, both to replace shoes chewed by the Perfect Tess. Both are improvements over their predecessors. I have also ordered a new winter boot, on sale from Sierra Trading Post, religious tho they are, they have good stock. This is a lower boot than I'll need in the heart of winter, but it will be nice for a break. I also ordered flannel-lined jeans, which Ken swears I'll really, really like. He wears his for weeks on end (yuck). This money is from my accident settlement and I can't spend any more of it because the last of it has to go for firewood and lumber. And no, I don't need any of these items, I just wanted them. Footwear, I always want footwear. Yes, I can stare down at my sea of shoes and still feel that I don't have the right shoe to wear. With my jeans. And the shoes came in the Perfect Box. Since I'm a box hoarder, this really pleased me, but I won't take the box home, I'm forcing myself to leave it here at work. I have no more room at home for empty boxes.

Difficult work situation going on. Clerk #1 wanted two of her job duties reassigned to Clerk #2. No particular reason, she just felt it would be appropriate if these jobs were no longer done by her--they are not appropriate to her title, are beneath her, etc. Clerk #2 does not have time to take on extra duties. Clerk #1 has been here for 20 years, feels she should (for that reason) get what she asks for. I refused her request yesterday when the three of us sat down to discuss this. When I asked if we all agreed that the three of us are equally overburdened in our jobs Clerk #1 said no, she didn't agree, she felt she had more work than the other 2 of us. This is patently untrue and really fries me. She has more flexibility and really, less work, than the other clerk and I do. She also said that we NEVER offer to help her. Again, so not true. At the end of the day she came to me and said she felt I had not treated her with respect, that she had been here for 20 years, Clerk #2 only here for 1.5 years got whatever she asked for (she didn't ask for anything, I reminded her), and that now she guessed her work would just back up (ON PURPOSE?? I asked, incredulous--"Oh no," she replied innocently). Since she's not getting any additional work there's really no rationale for that. This is a woman who is really angry because, though she's only turning 50 in November, she feels she needs to retire as soon as possible. I agree with her feelings more and more every day. She'll have enough years in with the retirement system so that, if the state offers and early retirement incentive one of these years, she'll be able to take it and run. She's just pissed because they didn't do it this year. Tough shit. I was eligible for early retirement about 3 years ago but couldn't afford to do it. Probably wouldn't have anyway--what would I have done?

So now I'm dealing with the wrath of a bitter employee (aren't we all). But the sun is shining and it's autumn. You might call it Indian summer, but Ken would correct you. Indian summer, according to him, only comes after the first frost. We haven't had that yet, in fact we haven't even come close. Only 36, I think. There's a really nice article in this month's Adirondack Life magazine, written by Bill Hord's son-in-law (who's studying creative writing), about the relationship between Bill and Ken. It's very touching and captures their relationship very nicely. Ken's pleased with it.

And I'm driving a Magnesium, 2004 Honda Civic. It's very nice. Clean, smells good, drives like a dream, nice tight transmission. I like it a lot and am very happy with it. Have had plenty of compliments on the color, was feeling very special because surely it must be relatively uncommon, since it took so long to get one, when suddenly, there at the stop sign this morning was...a Magnesium Honda Civic. Can you believe it? I couldn't. Get that car off the road!

Spent yesterday cataloging theses and dissertations on the Mohawks and their various cultural situations, gambling arrangments, educational stuff, etc. for the library that's on the reservation. That was dry enough. This morning I weeded our Sidney Sheldon collection. That was boring enough. I had to shelve books in order to clear a book truck to use for weeding. That's work that a page should be doing, not a Librarian III like me. That was the point that Clerk #1 kept making--she's doing the work of a Clerk and a Page, not just work of a Principal Clerk. woo-hoo. It'll be a cold day in hell before she ever shelves another book to help with the backlog, that's for sure. I can see that. I told her we'll never fill the vacant position in our dept. so we'll all have to do the work of the non-existent page and clerk, like shelving, etc. That did NOT appease her. Well, I said, you like your free health insurance, and your benefits and your job, don't you? That's what has to happen in order for us to keep those things. There's just not enough money right now. Sour, sour face.

The dogs seem relatively peaceful these days. It's really nice at night so I leave the door open and the come and go at will. Tess and Chances run out, disappear for half an hour or so, then come running in, breathless. so cute. Then back out to repeat the whole exercise. I think they're eating apples at the foot of the driveway. Part of my new eating pattern involves eating cooked apples in the evening for my snack. What the hell--we have tons of orchards here with some of the best apples ever, I might as well eat them, huh. The Macouns are in season, and I love them. They're great for applesauce. I may sleep in the boat house tonight, if I can get my shit together enough to get down there. How complicated is it, really? Grab a few things, get in the car and GO.

What the dogs at Adirondack Pet Lodge are saying this afternoon:
"This is ok, we can walk around together in the room and wag our tails."
"I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE AND I'M GOING TO BARK AND HOWL THE ENTIRE TIME. Watch me throw my head back and reallly wail! If I make enough noise they'll let me out."
"I shouldn't have to wear a collar so maybe I can scratch it off with my foot if I just try and try and try with my hind leg."
"zzzzzzzzz"
"Not only am I a pretty yellow Lab, but I'm well behaved too."

What my dogs would say:
"A terrible mistake has been made. We should not be here."

Refusal to accept
In spite of the fact that it's cold (40) in the morning, I refuse to wear a jacket. I have a favorite spring/fall jacket, though now tattered at the cuffs, that I can wear to the car, from the car to the building, it won't hurt me to put it on. But that would mean...you guessed it...summer's over. Well, hell, the trees are turning red and orange, that means summer's over. It's done. I went berrying last night and all the blackberries are gone. Af first I was pissed at myself because I let the campers beat me to the spots I always go to, the spots that I didn't think others knew about. Then I got back to my house and discovered that all my berries had been "picked" too. I guess the birds were my competition, plus the deer and the squirrels. Can't complain, now, can I. I have to get out there sooner. I knew the berries were ripe two weeks ago, I just thought I had more time. whine whine. There were plenty of berries, too, I can tell by the empty stems. I have enough for nearly one pie, if I can find more of some kind of berry to fill in with. Sometimes I'm amazed by myself. I'd blame it on laziness but this fall I don't really think that's what it was. Anyway, I had a really good time last night, berrying with the dogs. I love doing that. The sun was golden and low in the sky, the dogs would have been whistling if they knew how, they were practically skipping. They picked along with me but weren't happy with the yield. It was a beautiful evening and I had a really nice, peaceful wonderful time.

Today, wonder of wonders, my car is being delivered. I spoke to the "money man" to go over the final figures this morning because the figures didn't look right when they delivered the wrong car before. The figures are right, the color is reputed to be right (the salesman has left me at least 3 messages describing the car, "Magnesium, 5-speed, LX"). And, since I've had to wait 3 weeks and have driven 3 different cars in the interim, I'm actually looking forward to having this car delivered. See? Good things DO come to those who wait. I just want to have my own car. I want to move into my own house on my own Hakapalita tires. I've done pretty well in keeping the Accord clean and like to think I can make the same effort with my own new car. So this is it, the end of this saga. Let's hope, anyway.

Long, long meeting this morning with other professionals and director. I finally started to doze a bit, squirming in my seat. blah blah blah. I could focus on our planning to plan for the future for only so long, but when they got to planning to plan for the next 2 years my eyes really did glaze over. I got up to go to pee, came back refreshed and said "So then, where were we?" in an honest effort to wrap things up. I think 2 hours is just too long for 4 people to meet.

Yesterday I did a workshop on collection development. For some reason I was in rare form and put on a great stand-up routine, which was fortunate because the director was in the audience. Unfortunate, thought, because these are regional workshops which are to be repeated twice more and I've set the bar pretty high. There are 2 of us doing this, with a bit added on at the end by the director (her part is really dry, confusing and dull). I was really funny yesterday, which is a shame because I can't stand to repeat the same jokes a second and third time, but I know the director will expect me to get lots of laughs next week at the other 2 sessions. I had a good audience, people who interacted and were receptive to what we were discussing. Let's see how it goes next week. The director couldn't stop talking about how well it went and how great a presentation it was. Yeah, well, make 'em laugh is what I always say. Being bipolar has its perks when it comes to performing. That's why Robin Williams is such a genius.

So today I'm faced with a desk that's absolutely covered with paperwork. There is no naked space at all and I can't stand the thought of exposing any. I'll catalog I guess, and weed--my 2 staples of activity when I can't stand to be any more creative than that.

Had a good weekend. Jenica came Friday night, it was great to see her and be together. We watched the CSI marathon (that's Crime Scene Investigation, a tv show about forensics, all fiction, takes place in Las Vegas). One right after another. It was fun, hypnotic. Saturday we had a dock day. Started out a bit cold but ended up really hot. We had lunch on the dock (turkey, not cucumber sandwiches) and I swam twice. That brings my seasonal total to 4. Not bad for me. The water was 67 degrees, which is pretty cold, really. The brown girls lazed along with us and Tess swam and swam. A good day. We went out for dinner to a really nift restaurant with an unbelievable menu. Lots and lots of choices. We went with Linda and Erdvilas (who was only mildly annoying) and Bill and had a good time, ate lots of good food. Sunday morning we watched MTV for a while, sitting in the sun in the living room enjoying it a lot. She left, I went to Sunday dinner with Bill, L & E and Ken. That was nice--it was sunny and warm. Such a nice, golden sun we have now. We stayed at Linda's for a long, long time, then I came home and slept for a long, long time. What else could I do? It was their last day, they're safely tucked in in Ann Arbor now, to return in a few weeks for Columbus Day.

I'm feeling better, not so gloomy. Do I care more about things? I'm not sure, but I seem to be happier. I still miss my brother, and I'm still sad that he died. I cry, but not as much. I dreamed about our old house at Green Street last night, that I had to move back there--but that's just because I was reading my old journal from when we were moving from there to my house to Jenica the other night and we were laughing at the absurdity of it all. I also dreamed about Jamie, who in my dream was complaining about something petty, so I said to him, "At least you're still alive, and at least you didn't have someone you really love die. You always complain about the stupidest things, but you're still alive." That felt really good in my dream. A dream of wish-fulfillment. I keep dreaming about cars that are going out of control, the brakes don't work. My classic anxiety dream, but in these dreams I get the cars to stop just before I hit something. So there I am, teetering on the edge of loss of control in my life. I guess that's ok, at least I'm not rolling off a cliff.

Back to the chiropractor tonight, that will feel good. Then to Walmart to pick up pictures from the RI trip. Another nice thing. Then I get to watch two episodes of CSI tonight. My new version of Law & Order. I such a sucker for tv, huh.

Perhaps a better world is drawing near
To quote Jackson Browne, singer of the most depressing lyrics any of us have ever sung. But today I feel better. Maybe extend-release Wellbutrin is the way to go after all, raising the dose and changing the way you take it. yahoo. (don't we like the way ya-hoo has become yahoo, now that we all are so familiar with webspeak?) Anyway, today, in spite of the continuous rain, I feel better. I had to ride to work with Erdvilas, dropping him off at the place where they are fixing Linda's car (god help them, he wanted to witness the operation). He ranted and groaned ALL THE WAY in. I grasped the steering wheel harder and harder so that by time I got to Plattsburgh my knuckles were white. god, man, give it a break. We all hate Bush but some of us learn to control it. Anyway, I like the solitude of my ride to work and do not want to carpool. good to know, check.

Had a very pleasant time last night with a different group of people. Started off with Linda and Erdvilas (ok, not different people) who needed a ride home from Pbg. They gave me a quick drink while L and I sat in front of the fire, which was really nice, soothing and peaceful. I could do that for a long time. Then I rushed to feed the dogs and get to dinner reasonably (as opposed to fashionably) late. Had a nice time, good visit with people. They reported that the night before, they let their 12 year old black lab out in the evening and when she came back in she was really bouncy and energetic, wagging her tail. Ran into the living room, jumped on top of their company, licked and licked him, most unlike her (her name of course is Molly--as all black Labs are named). She was panting, seemed thirsty, so Emily called her into the brightly lit kitchen for a drink of water, where she turned out not to be black, or old, but chocolate and young and Tess. Turns out Tess has wanted to see the inside of that camp all summer long and leapt at the chance to get inside, I guess. Anyway, Molly wouldn't come inside until Tess went outside and Tess wouldn't go outside until Molly came inside so poor Emily, who knew Tess was mine, had to convince my dog to GO HOME.

And when I got home I found two very fat, very uncomfortable dogs loose in the living room. Tess was safely locked in her cage but Jackson and Chances had eaten at least 15 pounds of dog food (and this is not the cheap stuff, either). They were so fat they were grunting and groaning. Chances lay at my feet and whined, something she never does. I contemplated making her throw up, but it was raining and I didn't feel like going on vomit patrol in the dark so I let her suffer. This morning they were still very very fat. Jackson looks like a Sudanese refugee, he's so long and lanky but then there's this huge swollen belly. Tess had milk bones for breakfast, like eating circus peanuts to a human. I gave C & J each 3 small milk bones as a token gesture. If I had no dogs, what would I do for entertainment? Television is one dimensional and is based on other peoples' lives.

Tonight, wonder of wonders, I will dine alone at home. I can't wait. If I had a fireplace it would be nice but I'll cuddle up on my couch and watch mindless Law and Order reruns (although they're now showing CSI reruns at 7 & 8--oh goody!). And, for the Italians, the new series starring Joey Trebiani starts tonight. Got a terrible review in the Washington Post online but I'll give it a shot.

So Frances is now raining down on us. Tomorrow we're supposed to see some sun in the afternoon, and Saturday is supposed to be a nice September day. The trees are turning quickly. colors, that is. I think we'll have good color this year, lots of rain. I need to get out into the bushes and do lots of blackberry picking. The people last night said they had picked everything already but I wonder if they know my spots. I'll be disappointed if they do. They leave on Saturday and there will be more to the crop, but they've picked enough for 2 pies already.

Tomorrow and Saturday nights will be spent with Linda and Erdvilas, they leave on Monday. Jenica may come--hurray! Haven't seen her in a while, and we had such a great fall last year. I love September here, it's truly a wonderful time. I have to call the wood lady tonight to see when she can deliver another 4 cords for my Wood Olympics. I'll need to alert Martha so she can come be my judge.

So I'm killing a few minutes before quittin' time, watching the dogs at http://adirondackpetlodge.com, and the dog in, I think, the Gore Mtn. suite first stands facing one way, showing only its butt to the camera. Then it walks all the way across the room to the other side, standing just so that you can only see its butt. Then it walks back again to the original side, standing just so that you can only see its butt. Does it do this all day? I move on to the next suite, where there's a Rottweiler or something, standing under the camera the same way in reverse: so that you can only see the FRONT part of it's body, not its butt. But it's playing statue and does not walk across the room in reverse, which would complete the entertainment portion of my day. I'm easily entertained.

But the candy corn has to be the kind that has brown on the bottom, not yellow.

After reading Jenica's blog I rethought my plans for blog entry. I was thinking of revealing my darkness, the thoughts of my psychiatrist this morning, our plans for my immediate future. But now I'll keep that to myself--I can solve my problems, I have his help and support, and it's a project that he and I are working on together. I said I don't really care about anything anymore. There was only a brief while that I cared that I survived my accident, the rest of the time it didn't really matter to me. He said that one of my reasons for living had died, one of the sources of great joy in my life was gone. That's certainly true. Other people have spouses, children, etc., which give them reasons to keep on going. I have a sibling I adore, a mother I'm devoted to, nieces and a nephew I love dearly, sister and brother in law I treasure, and lots and lots of dedicated friends. But I have no one to devote my life to, no one to throw myself in front of a truck for. Henry wasn't that person for me (thank goodness, I hear you all saying), but he was an integral part of the conglomerate that makes up my reason for living. So now I'm on the plateau of blandness that is my life for now. I don't care about much. Sure, I love autumn, the leaves are turning and the trees are starting to be very pretty. I'm trying to see the beauty. I had a lovely time sitting on the dock with my dogs, laughing at the chair and its contents slowly sinking into the water. I can laugh at things, but my humor isn't what it used to be. Dr. Rubin says this is probably temporary. WELL LET'S HOPE SO--I used to be a very funny person! I'd hate to not be her again. I miss me.

So in spite of my weak attempt NOT to repeat Jenica's blog, there I went, being dark. Oops. Well, I spent an hour probing my psyche, what do you expect? It was interesting to hear my psychiatrist describe what I'm usually like, though, I loved that. He said there is usually a spark in me, an ability to find humor in all situations and to laugh, but that is missing right now. We're teetering on the brink of a major depression, but we have ways to avoid it, not to worry. So I went to the drug store to get my thyroid medicine and my cholesterol medicine, and there was candy corn. My version of Jenica's circus peanuts, it turns out. I bought a bag of candy corn, a can of mixed nuts (thank you Molly) and a can of Starbucks' double shot espresso. And back to work I went, to work at breakneck speed doing the work of all 3 people in my department, since one clerk is on vacation and the other is out today because her aunt died. Zippity do did I ever unpack and check in those 12 boxes of books.

And the car saga continues. For those of you who missed it, the dealer did indeed deliver my new car on Friday, as promised, but it was not the color I ordered. Whether this was intentional, or an accident (as claimed), we'll never know. I looked at the car for 2 hours (after sending the drivers back to NH, too late to take the car with them), trying to decided if I could stand the baby-shit brown interior. The exterior was a champagne color, really quite nice, that I would have liked ultimately, but I could NOT stand the interior. So I called the dealer and said I didn't want the car. They offered me $200 to keep it. TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. Fie! I said. Not enough to make me keep that car. So I left it at a friend's house in Plattsburgh and they picked it up on Saturday. They are looking for the right color (Magnesium--a dark metallic gray, with gray interior, which does NOT show every single paw print) and are delivering a loaner car to me today. The drivers left NH at 8:15 this morning, it's now nearly 1 and they have not covered the 150 miles to get here yet. Give me a break. I have no idea what they'll "lend" me but I have to turn in the Prius today. Oops, wait, they just got here, with a 2004 Accord LX, navy blue. Wow, they must really feel bad. I called the head sales guy up yesterday and yelled at him because no one called me from Friday to Tuesday to tell me what was going on. So this is their way of soothing me. Expensive cars always make people feel better, apparently. This one costs $20,000. Big whoop.

Tonight I'm having dinner out for the 3rd night in a row, the 6th time in 8 days. I love all these people, and each night is a treat, visiting with them (not to mention the food), but I do need to get on with my life. Tonight is people renting the camp below my house, she's a little older than I am and he's quite a bit older. Ken will be there, Bill will, and another friend whose husband died this winter. I haven't seen her if a few weeks so that will be nice. Last night I ate with the cousins. Cousin John, after who knows how many glasses of vodka, while we were watching the news on the hostage-killing in Russia said (oh-so-wisely) "Saddam used to do that all the time when he was in power." To which his son said, "He didn't just go into schools and kill people." I kept my mouth shut, but it seemed there was a glimmer of hope that maybe son Johnny is not a staunch Bush supporter after all. Or maybe I'm dreaming. But I mean really: how do you get from Checynian terrorists to Saddam Hussein? And how did John get to be on a first-name basis with him, anyway? What's up with that? So then we watched Jeopardy, always fun to do with your relatives, and cruised on into Last Comic Standing, during which I went home. They're nice people, aside from John's insistence on making grandiose asshole statements about what should be done with camp. And dinner was very good.

And now I must dive into the world of collection development, since I'm doing a workshop on Monday for our member library directors and staff on adult collection development. No, that's not developing adults, it's developing adult collections in small public libraries with no real book budgets. And I have to explain to them why you DON'T keep every single book and video that someone hands you as a donation. They won't like that concept at all. Someone else is doing the part on development and maintenance of juvenile collections. I only have to kill an hour, then we'll do a joint portion. I've done this so many times in the last 20 years I just have to pull my thoughts together, make up some acronyms they can remember, and off I go. But the director decided she wants to get involved in it (WHAT?) so I have to at least have some notes and something to hand out, and an outline by tomorrow, when she wants to meet with us. Rats.

So when I did spell check of this, it wanted to correct "Jenica's" to "geniuses." That seems appropriate, don't you think?

It's a charmed life, and I can't complain. I'm back at work, not minding particularly (although it's time for me to start cataloging, and we all know that will lead to moans and groans, both from my body and my mind). I had a nice weekend, 3 days off to separate myself from Plattsburgh and reality. Friday night I had a late dinner with a favorite cousin, one who has been so nice to me over the past 9 years (NINE years!) since my ex-husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Bill, the cousin, has been a wonderful friend, source of support, lots of fun, and is really a nice, nice person. And when my brother died he was crushed, because he really admired my brother and it's been really hard for him to accept this loss but he's been so nice to me about it all. Anyway, Bill has a great, new wife and the cutest, happiest 2-year-old son in the family. So I had dinner with them at their camp and we had a nice visit. I got home sober and early, a nice change for me. I spent the night in the boat house, woke up to a disappointing morning but spent a long time lying in bed staring at the lake and the mountains anyway. Finally had to succumb to my full bladder and face the cousins in camp (in the kitchen: this will give you a clue as to who exactly was in camp). Saturday was supposed to be sunny and warm but was cloudy and cold instead, so I rebelled by staying in my living room and watching TV and doing nothing. I watched Richard Gere and Julia Roberts (Runaway Bride). Ken stopped by and agreed that it was a lousy day. Saturday night I went to Linda's for what was touted as a gourmet dinner. I had 4 invitations for dinner that night but had committed to Linda's, and was looking forward to this one too. We had 4 courses, with at least one bottle of wine for each course. There were 5 of us and I swear we drank at least 7 bottles of wine. It was fun to be with these people--they were friends of Linda's whom she had traveled in Europe with , renting villas in Tuscany one year and Provence another. They are great, lovely, funny, sweet and great company. They all really like each other and are very witty so I really enjoyed myself (not REALLY in the alcoholic sense, though I thoroughly enjoyed the wine). Dinner was also very, very good. Erdvilas was not so good. He does not like it when someone else gets attention, especially Linda's attention.

Sunday was sunny, though hazy, and I got up early enough to clean the living room and clear off the dinner table (miracle of miracles). Bill was gone for the weekend so I cooked Sunday dinner for Ken. I was all set to cook him massive quantities of shrimp, which were frozen and defrosting on the top of the stove while I took my shower. When I came down to check on their progress the bag was missing...gone and empty on the floor. Yes, my sweet Jackson, you are nothing if not resourceful. He ate at least a pound of shrimp, shells and all, and when I screamed "SHIT SHIT SHIT" at him he merely hung his head, put his ears back and wagged the tip of his tail. You can't really be angry at a 12 year old piece of shit dog you adopted, now can you? Anyway, luckily I had swordfish I'd inherited from the rich campers who wanted their freezer cleaned out by Ken, so I defrosted that and cooked it for him. He was happy enough. We had a nice, if subdued meal, which we ate in record time since we both, apparently, wanted to be doing other things. He was gone by 1:15, leaving me with plenty of time to head to camp to sit on the dock.

Just as I arrived at camp, so did a boatful of cousins and their kids. Bill and his wife Connie, their son Nicholas, plus Bill's sister's 3 kids all arrived to swim on our side of the lake. Just after that Bill's parents, brother (whom I haven't seen this year and like very much), sister and her husband all arrived. OK, too many people, but they're nice people. The other people left that morning. Johnny and Anne, brother and sister, set up folding chairs on the dock and looked just like their grandparents, sitting there surveying the world. Pretty funny. I had enough dock time with my dogs, then took a long nap in the boat house. Lucky girl, aren't I?

That night I went to Hot Dog Man for ice cream with Fred--the last night of the season, it closed the next day.

Yesterday was sunny and hot--YESYESYES. I got up early, sat on my deck and read for a while. The brown girls disappeared for three long hours, climbing the bluffs goodness knows how many times with goodness knows how many people. Lin came and we walked down to camp for a minute to retrieve her stuff from our book group gathering. She left and I went to the bog to get my dogs ("Do you own them?" people always ask me this, presumably because the dogs are not particularly happy to see me when I call them over to me. Yes, I do. "They're really nice dogs." Yes, they're very sociable.). So I took the brown girls to camp and we sat on the dock in the sun for a couple of hours. It was nice but a bit windy--rats! I missed the glassy morning, waiting for the dogs to return. I went for a swim, yes a swim. As I was standing in the water, the exhausted Tess (she and Chances were totally wiped out, leading me to believe they went to the top of the bluffs at least twice) crawled under my lounge chair, then stood up, knocking the chair and it's contents--my book, glasses, towel, shirt, soda, etc.--into the water. I watched the chair float while the book and everything else sort of sank. HONESTLY! THESE DOGS! Fortunately it was my book, not the library's, and only the edges got wet. It was The amazing adventures of Kavalier and Clay, which I'd just started reading again, having finished The mysteries of Pittsburgh that morning. I liked Pittsburgh very much. Anyway, again, I can't complain about my dogs, I encourage them to be goofy and idiosyncratic. She likes to lie under furniture and I don't keep her from doing it--it's just a strange thing to do on the dock, and really, she should know that you can't stand up under a chair.

Last night I went to dinner with Bill at some campers'--they're from California, small town in the Bay Area. Didn't know there were small towns in the Bay Area. Anyway, he's a children's author, she's a children's therapist. They're really nice and interesting and we had a very nice evening. I don't know them terribly well so it was fun to be with new people. Expanding the social circle. They met at camp as children, have been married a long time. Her brother owns the camp, it's just down the hill from my house. I've spent time with him before but have only dined with her one other time. Jackson adores them, visits their camp when he can. They think he should be their camp dog when they're in camp. I agree, offered to have him stay there any time. Let him eat THEIR shrimp.

And that brings me to the present. Got to work at 7:30, called my mother and had a nice talk with her. She wants to go to bed for 2 months and do nothing. It's hard to have nothing happen to you in the fall, after being a teacher for so many years. That plus having your wonderful son die is enough to send you to bed for a long time. I do feel lucky to have a job in the first place, but I also feel lucky because it gives my life focus and structure, helps me know what to expect from the day. That's very useful in the grieving process, I've found.

Later this week we're supposed to have Hurricane Frances visit us. Maybe 2" of rain. The reason we had such a wet and lousy (weather-wise) summer was that the jet stream got stalled, I heard this morning. They have to blame it on something. Tonight I'm having dinner with the cousins across the lake. What can I blame that on? Good manners, thank you mother.

It was 36 this morning--guess autumn is here at last. Very pretty morning but man is that cold. Jackson has taken off the last two mornings and will spend today again wandering the neighborhood. The weather is beautiful, sunny and clear, so who can blame him. He doesn't seem to get into much trouble.

My new car is supposed to be coming tomorrow. They'll deliver it to work. It's all pretty complicated, and yet simple. I'll sign all the paperwork when they deliver it, the salesman is setting up all the insurance stuff today, I think. I'll give them a check for the down payment,using the money I'll be getting from the insurance company (which I haven't received yet) and they'll hold the check until I tell them it's ok to cash it. Games, games games. I'm looking forward to having the whole thing settled. I enjoy driving the Toyota, but it does cost $2.50 a day, and I do need to get on with things. I want my own car.

Dinner last night with the Holts and some friends of theirs plus Ken. Friends of Annie's from medical school and their 2 kids. Their 15-year old daughter was hysterically funny, an anarchist who loves to argue about morality and the immorality of government, the uselessness of everything. She wants to live in a society that's based on morals--you know, like an Islamic nation. I tried, stupidly, to convince her that it would be hell for her as a woman, but she's 15 and reminded me of me at that age. The 2 kids go to a Friends school so have a unique outlook and education. She wanted to know what I like to read--she reads early Greeks, Spanish poetry in Spanish, plays, pretty much nothing published since around 1800. Needless to say we didn't have much literary discussion. Oh yeah, she has read Jorge Luis Borges. my god. The son sat next to Rush and looked at him the way Jackson looks at me when I eat food, just short of drooling. The kid adores Rush and hung on his every word. It was cute but even Rush got tired of it. "Rush, what do you think of.... Rush, what about.... Rush, do you know about..." All night long. Anyway we did have a nice evening. They're getting ready to start work on their garage, which is phase one of the building of their year-round house there.

I met with my union lawyer yesterday morning. This is action on my grievance against my director. My hearing is the 21st, so it's finally coming to pass. The lawyer is really good, I was impressed. He asked questions, got background, listened to my version of what happened, and really seemed to understand me. Told me what to mention, how to enhance my story, what we would be trying to do, and what might happen as a result of the arbitrator's decision. Basically we can't lose--she wrote a letter of reprimand without due process. Only an arbitrator has the authority to approve that. The arbitrator will either tell her she has to start all over again, or, maybe after determining that the letter she's written has no merit, turn the hearing into a hearing on the case itself. There won't be any disciplinary action as a result, just a letter in my file at worst, and the letter she has now has stuff in it that she has no proof of, just wandering accusations. He's going to subpoena Julie because there's one paragraph where she accuses me of trying to undermine the assessment process we were working on at the time by talking to Julie a lot and calling her on the phone. Julie will deny this, since it's not true. The letter is just a rambling bunch of crud.

Got a phone message last night from "Kathy." Want to join us for dinner? Took me a while to figure out it was Kathy Perry and that they are in camp. So much for my plans for having a quiet weekend in camp by myself. Surprise! Friday night I'm having dinner across the lake with Bill and Connie. Saturday I guess I'm going to the Holt's. Linda wants me to have dinner with her one night while her friends the gourmet cooks are there this weekend. eat eat eat. Not a way to lose weight.

Now on to catalog books for Willsboro. We were supposed to do a workshop of collection development on Tuesday but no one signed up to come so it's been postponed . YES! This means I might be able to go back to the chiropractor after all. I'm trying to go every week. I have muscle spasms that he's working on, plus other stuff. It's coming along. I also have to do a big adult book order today and tomorrow. Haven't been keeping up on that, am sort of out of the loop on what's hot these days. Get with it, lady!

You have a Lost Soul. No one is really sure what
that can always mean, because it can be defined
in many ways. As Legend goes, lost souls were
the spirits of passed away people who are
neither in heaven nor hell. They walk the
earth, brooding mysteriously, always appearing
when you expect it least. So hence, if you have
a Lost Soul, then you are probably very
insecure and shy. Stuck in your own little box,
you watch the world fly by as a loner. You dont
know your place. You seemingly dont have a
place in society or an interest. You are a very
capricious person, and are confused and
frustrated about where you belong. You crave
for the sense and feeling of home-but have not
obtained it yet.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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