My mind is too delicate an instrument for me to play. The chimney cleaner was supposed to come at 9. It was 46 in my living room because I couldn't let the fire burn all night or have a fire this morning because he was coming. So I took a shower, cleaned for company coming to dinner tonight (they invited themselves, I certainly don't want people coming to my house tonight) and waited and waited and waited and got hysterical. It was -18 last night, -20 the night before. Finally I called his service, got a real person who told me he did indeed have me scheduled for 9:00 this morning, relieving some of my stress. She didn't know where he was or why he hadn't come but would try to get in touch with him. He called, barely in range, to say that he'd been there at 9 but my driveway isn't plowed and he didn't think he could drive his van in it, and he didn't know if it was my camp or what so he left. I intoned, whimpered, came close to crying, said he could have at least walked to the house to tell me he was there and was leaving so I wouldn't have waited and worried and wondered. Told him my Chevy shitbox rental makes it up the driveway and that he had told me before that he could get his van up my driveway when we talked about it originally. Made him feel bad enough that he said he'd come back today (after I told him the temperature in my living room) and would do the job even if he had to carry his stuff up the hill. So he's doing it while I'm at work. He kept saying he'd build me a fire but I kept saying that wasn't necessary--geez, I don't want the guy to feel THAT badly! I just feel apart, though, when he didn't come, then when he was going to come--I can't handle this stuff, it's all too much for me.

I cleaned out the freezer, which doesn't work, and took a look at the refrigerator's contents--it sort of works. It's full and will have to be addressed soon but I didn't have the fortitude or enough garbage bags to deal with it today. I have to buy a new refrigerator when I get back from RI--another arrangement that must be made with a delivery van that may or may not make it up my driveway. More conversations with people about how complicated it is to get to my house. Not to mention the $600 it will cost. But at least they'll take the old one away.

So by now I'm hysterical and have to go to work. But at work is a message telling me that my car is ready to be picked up (hooray!) and all I have to do is pay the $250 deductible. Oops, I forgot about that part. shit, that was my travel money for RI. Well, unfortunately I'll put it on my newly-freed credit card. So now I've made arrangements to pay for the rental car at 2:30 and have them take me to the repair shop, which is about 5 miles away. So I can manage some things fairly easelessly. Goodbye shitbox. I bent the key last night when I opened the trunk--it was frozen shut and I forced it a bit.

It was -15 when I got to Ken's at 7 last night to delivery his birdseed. He was beside himself with worry about me, had been expecting me much earlier. Well, I had many errands to run. So I had a quick drink, steeled myself for a cold house and frenetic dogs, and went home. The house never really got warm, only up to 57 in the living room. This sucks. I finally turned the heat way up in the bedroom, turned the bed on and shut the door. It was very cozy by morning but nowhere else in the house was and I had to get up. No pipes froze, nor did the pump. This is a good thing but will cost a fortune in electricity.

My union rep brought me an article about a bipolar woman who was fired because she had outbursts with fellow employees and "difficult work relationships." She sued, saying the company violated the Americans with Disabilities Act, and won. Reason: her inability to get along with co-workers qualifies for ADA protection. So it's a fine line. You want to be given the benefit of your disability, but then you want to be treated like everyone else--only you can't be, because you're different and not so capable of acting like everyone else. sucks, don't it? You have to impose the same standards of behavior on all employees, which in CEF's case doesn't happen.

So now I'm killing some time until I drop off the rental car and will add holdings for Ticonderoga. It's pretty slow here, not many people around and little activity coming from member libraries. If the sun would shine, that would be nice. It was 2 degrees when I left home, but at least those degrees were on the right side of zero.

-20 when I left the house this morning. That's cold enough, but it's supposed to be even colder tonight. I have an appointment to have my chimney cleaned tomorrow morning, which I desperately need to have done. I hope the guy doesn't cancel--I had to cancel once, to meet with the library's attorney.

Luckily the rental car started. Guess Chevys are as good as Hondas that way. Let's see how it does when it's colder. I called the Auto Barn this morning and they gave me the best present ever: my car is basically finished, just needs an alignment (which I asked for, since she smacked me in the front), which will be done either this afternoon or tomorrow morning. Either way, the car will be ready for me tomorrow afternoon. I cannot believe my good luck. Something is finally happening the way I want it to! I was all set to upgrade the rental to a more bearable car for my RI trip but no, I won't have to. Hooray for me! Now I just have to manage my time and tasks to get ready to go.

Schedule goes like this: just realized I didn't get a gift for co-worker who always (for the past 20 years) makes me a present. Must dash out in zero degree weather at lunch time to get something appropriate for her. Wonder if she minds that I get her an ornament every single year because I can't think of anything else to get her. Last year she gave me a patriotic wooden Santa holding a banner that said "Let Freedom Ring." And she's known me for 20 years.
Negotiating session tonight from 3-5. May/may not have time to mail presents to aunt & uncle & cousins. Had to re-wrap 2 shirts because dogs unwrapped them entirely while I was out yesterday. I mean, really: came home to find 2 flannel shirts sitting on the living room floor, surrounded by scraps of wrapping paper. How childish can my dogs be? I suspect Chances Are because she really likes to unwrap presents. I left the present my staff gave me on the table and the corners were nibbled on while I was in the shower. Tess, on the other hand, took the bottle of rum off the table and out of it's decorative cloth sac while I was in the shower. She did not open the bottle, merely examined it and found it to be unacceptable for her consumption.

So tonight I have to go shopping after the negotiating session. Groceries, wine, Christmas presents, dog food and birdseed. Drop off 50 lbs. of birdseed at Ken's. Have a good stiff drink while I'm there. Visit with friend from Baltimore who's staying with him for a few days (making him even more nervous--his son & family are visiting after Christmas and he's hysterical about having his house be clean and in order for them).

I told Ken I couldn't have dinner with him Weds. because I was going to RI, so we'd do it Tuesday. He said "For a change, let's have it at your house, so I can get out of the house." Swell, said I, I'll have to clear all the wrapping stuff off my dinner table and tidy up the living room. Now it turns out that Ann, Woman from Balto, and Bill will be coming as well. So I REALLY have to tidy up. And where will I put my wrapping stuff, since I'll have to wrap presents right after they leave, so I can take all stuff wrapped to RI,as we are having Christmas with Kristen, Jenica, the girls as soon as I get there? Well, truly, if these are my worst problems I have it pretty easy. It's all a question of logistics. And I do like to have my house in order when I go away, it's so much nicer to come home to that way. But having 3 people for dinner the night before I go away for a week in the winter is not my idea of fun. I could use the evening to finish my Christmas shopping and get organized.

And in between there's work. My clerk is in the throes of the breakup (maybe) of her marriage. Her husband has decided he doesn't lover her anymore (he thinks) and he doesn't want to be married (probably). Only over the weekend he decided that yes, he has some problems and could probably use professional help to deal with them. So now she feels just the slightest glimmer of hope. He sounds exactly the way Jamie did and I can't tell if it's helpful to her to keep saying that every time she quotes her husband and the quotes could be coming from Jamie just as easily. Honestly, it's eerie. They bought a huge camper last year--she thought they were in agreement about it but now he says he didn't want it, really. That's exactly what happened with Jamie about buying the Honda. He said that was what finally convinced him to leave: he felt he was forced into buying the car when he really didn't want to. I knew he was shallow, but really--ending a marriage over a car? Anyway, these people have a 5 year old son so their situation is a lot more complicated, and her husband is more of a jerk (if that's possible) than Jamie.

This morning Jackson decided he'd poop in the house while I was at work rather than go out in the cold to do it on the ground, thank you very much. No, I said, you can do it the same way the other 2 do. At least I didn't have to worry about letting all 3 out at once, there was no way they'd run off together in this weather. The girls sit down, putting their tender paws in the air proclaiming that the ground is too cold for their pawpads to touch. Tess will stand on 3 feet, shaking her 4th one the way a cat does when it gets its foot wet. Sorry, can't help you, you're too heavy to carry. Meanwhile, I got my hands wet carrying snow-covered firewood, and when I touched the metal door handle my hand started to stick to it. Well, I'm not THAT stupid, I let go before my skin could really stick to it. I'm stoopid enough not to wear gloves or mittens, not stoopid enough to get my hand stuck to my doorknob. It takes 30 minutes to get frostbite, although Ken says you'd be dead by then if you didn't have warm clothes on.

The lake froze over last week but we don't know how thick the ice is. Not very, is our guess. We got 3" of powdery snow yesterday afternoon. When it's this cold the snow is incredibly fluffy. The temperature dropped 30 degrees between noon and 6 p.m. My refrigerator is nearly completely broken. The top part of the freezer doesn't freeze, so I put the contents of the top shelf in a cooler on the deck. Guess I don't really need to worry about stuff staying frozen. I needed ice for tonight so I just filled an ice tray and put it outside. Didn't take long, did it, to get ice. Nice, clear cubes.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

http://www.quizdiva.net/bt/linguistic.jpg">>You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Warmed up a bit today, from the -2 of yesterday. It's winter, though, no denying it. Lots of snow at my house but I've made my tracks up the driveway so the car can get to the house. I had to cancel my chimney cleaning yesterday morning so I could meet with the library's attorney to discuss settling my disciplinary case. I rescheduled the cleaning for next Tuesday instead. The meeting went well. The attorney, who is ordinarily a royal bitch, was very compassionate and we talked about my bipolarism. She said I needed to document it in the workplace so that when I was treated differently I could claim that perhaps I was being discriminated against. Said she used to work with a mental health facility prior to her present life. I'll talk to my psychiatrist about it, since naturally it makes me feel more vulnerable having it on record here, yet it also makes me feel protected for just the reason she said. Anyway, their offer is a good one: a written reprimand, to say anything I want it to say, basically, which will be in my folder for a year. If I "behave" for a year, it will be removed from my folder and destroyed. If I don't "behave" it will stay in my folder and I will have waived my right to grieve it. So if I have the letter say that I told someone they weren't a cripple, and I misbehave according to their standards, then I have a written reprimand in my file that says that and how stupid does that look? Anyway, I think she believed me when I told her that I have disabilities so I am very careful what I say to people about being disabled and did not call anyone a cripple. It was an emotional meeting for me and I told her that I needed to be treated the same way others are treated and I don't believe that is the case.

So that was Weds. morning. Monday and Tuesday were spent with people from the Unified Court System, some from New York City and others from the County Courts here, doing training of our member libraries and me on how to provide legal referral. The training was excellent but it was exhausting and time consuming. We've been picked for a pilot project (because of my friendship with someone whose connected to the Court System, who runs the Rural Legal Resource Center) and it's really a big deal. They were all very intense about it and our librarians were really excited so it went really well. The people from NYC were totally intense about being here, so far from civilization.

We've had three negotiating sessions so far, working on our contract. They seem to go pretty well until the end, then our rep and the library's attorney get into it at then end and the rest of us sit there and squirm. We had 11 proposals, they had 26 (no surprise). They want to take away some things, we want to add. It'll be a pretty long process. The night of our first session, a week ago, I left the session at about 5 and was driving through the intersection near the library on a green light and was hit by a woman who ran her red light. This was nasty and really made me angry--my new car, big damage to the front end and hurt my hand as well. I drove the car for a day then on Friday took it in for an estimate and they told me it wasn't drivable. Now I'm driving a tiny Chevy Cavalier that totally sucks. They don't know how long it will take to fix my car, Honda front ends are hard to get here it turns out. I'm going to RI on the 22nd and it seems doubtful that it will be fixed by then. Rats.

I had an ok weekend among all of this. Saturday was relaxing enough. I did some work around the house and worked on Christmas projects. Liked that. Sunday I went to Sunday dinner, where Bill was in need of quiet comfort because one of his freshman hung himself in his dorm room Thursday night so he'd spent all day Friday with the kid's parents. Of course no one had a clue why the kid did it. Anyway we had a nice time together. Then I went to Martha's open house, which turned out to be a really nice thing. Book group people hanging out, too much food but lots of nice conversation and an actual social gathering. And my birthday. Nice long talk with Liza and Molly.

And that's my life in a nutshell. I'm ok, feeling hassled but keeping my head above water. The checks from my closing came in so that means my mortgage is paid off and I paid off 5 credit cards. Now I only owe about $2400 to anyone beyond the $50,000 I owe on my house and I don't have to make a mortgage payment until February. Lots of breathing room. Feels nice to relax a bit about money. I can actually live within my means.

Dogs are fine. I thought that, with all the snow we have they would stop roaming (and they did, for a few days) but at 11 the other night I got a call from the people they like to visit a mile away, on the hardtop. They had let Chances inside so I had to drive there to pick her up. No sign of Tess or Jackson, but no bodies in the road either. I drove down the road looking for them and when I was driving home, ahead of me were the Spooners in their truck with Tess running behind them. That was how they decided to take her home. She loves to chase cars, which I really, really hate, but they thought it was a funny way to get her home. I called her, she came to me, I thanked them very much for taking such good care of my dogs (I lied--good care would have been to put her INSIDE the truck to drive her home). Jackson came home half an hour later. So no more letting all three out at once, no matter how cold it is outside. It is really nice of them to call me when they have them, and they do care about whether my dogs get hit by a car.

So now I'm preparing for Christmas, more or less. Can't say I'm overwhelmed by the spirit but I'm getting into it a little bit. We had our staff party and our union party here. Staff party was ok, we all cooked something and we did Secret Santa presents, which I hated. Union party was better, we went to a restaurant. No more parties for me. Moving on to the next thing, getting the right number and kind of presents.

I suppose I'm not insulted that I have no imagination. When we were kids and our father wanted us to paint with oils a whole lot I had great trouble coming up with something to paint. No imagination. When we would drive around the Illinois countryside Sunday afternoons with my mother and our drawing pads I could find things to draw, there were landscapes all around me. Mostly it was silos and farmhouses, though.

I'm stumbling about these days, fussing through the charges brought against me. Have met with my union rep, who says we wouldn't meet with them on the 15th, as they have demanded. "Why would we? It's not part of the grievance process and there's nothing they'd say. They'd just get you riled up." So that's a relief and also means I can keep my 9:00 appointment to have my chimney cleaned. Naturally I keep thinking about the things the director and her attorney are saying I thought and did, wondering if there's a kernel of truth to any of it--yes, I did speak loudly, and maybe I did say fuck, but she called someone fuckface repeatedly, and called me "fucking brilliant" at one point, so apparently some people get to say it and some people don't. Most of the things she's saying make me incompetent and bad are things that other people do or did at the same time I did, which I guess is my only defense: that others do the same thing and don't get punished. I hate it all.

But I had my closing and the mortgage is now in my name. The debt is mine, all mine. Only a 15 year note, not intimidating. Funding doesn't come through until tomorrow, apparently, but my first mortgage payment isn't due until February. If that can really be true. That's what it said on the paper I signed. That means I have several hundred dollars coming with nothing to commit it to. And Christmas is coming. This is a first for me. I can't believe my good fortune. And I don't believe my good fortune so I'm not spending much.

It was zero the other night, cold enough to be called winter. And there's plenty of snow at my house. I finally put my lawn mower in the shed, it's winter home at the bottom of my hill. Pushing a lawn mower through 4" of snow is really, really the pits. It just doesn't go. Note to self: don't let that happen again. Put it away BEFORE it snows. I bought a bottle of $20 champagne for Sunday dinner to celebrate my closing. That was fun.

Ken had been having trouble with his foot, it was swollen, painful and worrisome. He collected pieces of advice, I offered to take him to the emergency room, contemplated that this could be the beginning of the end, a circulatory problem, etc. He soaked it in epsom salts, finally took off his socks to show his nephew how much more swollen the right foot was than the left foot. Nephew number two looked inside his boot and discovered that there was a fork in it, unbeknownst to Ken. Guess that explains the discomfort, huh. Ken of course blamed my dogs, saying the carried a fork from the floor by the sink, where we must have dropped it, over to his boot and dropped it in there. Fat chance, say I, but who's going to argue with him. Now all he says is "But you know you can't listen to a man who walks around with a fork in his boot." I'm just relieved that there's nothing wrong with him.

Tonight is book group. Jacob have I loved is the book. A young adult book about a twin sister who always resented what her sister the singing star got. Can't say I can relate to that, fortunately. My sister DID get the pretty pink curtains in her room on Rome Avenue, but her rat chewed them and then they weren't quite as pretty. Besides, I never liked pink. I hated my room, though, but someone has to have the icky room, and when we moved to the next house I got a nice room.

Yucky weather, just as it should be in December. Can't complain. Saw Dr. Rubin today. He's worried about me because I'm being treated so poorly at work. Thinks I should consult with a lawyer and investigate charges of hostile work environment. I looked into this before but the laws are pretty specific about how badly you have to be treated. He says this situation is doing real damage to me. swell. I'm gaining weight, this much I know. I just read results of a study that says if you get 6 or fewer hours of sleep at night you're more likely to be obese. And there I am, getting 4-5 hrs. a night. hmmm.

You are a spelunker. You are
practical, but seek adventure and have a desire
to see things first. You do tend to lack
imagination, though.

What Seeker of the Unknown Are You?
brought to you by

THE LETTER arrived by courier last night as I was getting in my car. Handed to me personally from the library's lawyer's office. It contains many pages of charges against me, mostly that I spoke in a loud voice (well, yes I do, I suffer from a hearing loss and tinnitus) and a number of other "charges" that would make you laugh if you didn't know they were levied against me. They're asking to suspend me for 5 days without pay. My first thought was that it would be lovely to not go to work for 5 days, especially now when I have meetings and will be on the road for the next 2 weeks and have trainers coming from NYC to do a workshop for me. Kick me out now, PLEASE! I'll go visit my mother for another while and we'll have a good time. I'll have the money because my closing is tonight so it's not a financial hardship. But of course I have to look it over more closely and decide whether I want to grieve it or not. Some things are better just to give up on and surrender to the goons. But this one, well it's just full of so many things that have been exaggerated and made into lies. All that happens is it goes into my file. Or I fight it and it costs the library money and grief and maybe some of the charges are dismissed. Haven't spoken to my rep yet, he's not been available today. Will see him on Monday.

And it's cold today, and snowy. We spent the day --all day, doing our planning process, the assessment portion of it. Kevin, Julie's husband was our facilitator and he's a master. Knows a million methods for doing this sort of thing but in the end he had us draw fish on the wall. The head was our issue, and the bones were elements and ways of dealing with the issues. Not as grand a method perhaps as it might have been earlier in the day. I put big lips on my fish. Everyone else followed his example and had a big square head for theirs. Honestly.

So now I go home, shopping en route, and have my closing (if FedEx has delivered the papers as they're supposed to). Can't wait can't wait. The bright spot (and it's a big one) in my life.
I need to see if the ground is frozen because I still have bulbs to plant (oops). I may try to move the bed upstairs to the floor by the window, setting up my winter sleeping quarters. This would be a lot of work in terms of getting everything away from Tess, but it might be worth it. I'll buy bird seed on the way home (when I buy Chances' new collar--to replace the one Tess just chewed) and start feeding the birds. Late this year.

I have to meet with the director and my union rep to go over the charges, and the day she's picked for that is the exact day and time I've scheduled to have my chimney cleaned RATS RATS RATS. Well I can work around these things. The stove seems to be working ok and gets plenty hot right now. The creosote crinkles a bit, not good, it's burning, but I doubt it will burn all the way up the chimney.

Supposed to warm a bit this weekend. It looks a lot like December right now, some snow on the ground.

Some good, some bad is what's going on with me. The good parts are these: so far, no letter from the director re: the "incident" of '03. Would she have given it to me by now, more than a week after the board meeting? Perhaps, but we have to remember that she's only been at work a couple of those days. I speculate, however, that she had the letter written long before the board met and was just waiting for them to give her their blessings. I'm hoping for the best. Sign that I'm in the clear: she called my colleague and friend Julie into her office the other day with a list of things to discuss. They were all criticisms of ways Julie had behaved and ways she had (or had not) done her job. This is the behavior we see when M is not allowed to take measures against one or the other of us. So for me this is a good sign. We congratulated me and I consoled Julie. Other good part: I have the closing on my refinance scheduled for Friday night at 6:00 at my house. This is a truly bizarre time and place, but since they have no office and have to send someone here from 3 hours away, this is what's up. They wanted to do it at 5 but I'd like to go grocery shopping after work and have a little breathing room so I asked for 6. I can't believe this is happening, but so far it looks real.
Bad things: my stovepipe is malfunctioning. I figured it was the elbow outside clogged with creosote (after spending a horrible night in a smoke-filled house with no fire) so last night I took it apart and discovered that it was, in fact, the outside elbow filled with creosote flakes (big ones) that had fallen down the 25' of chimney. I shoveled it out (shop vac not working right, either) and lit a fire. It smoked a bit but finally caught a good flame and then functioned admirably. The whole thing makes me nervous but the house doesn't get warmer than 65 without a fire in the stove. I called two chimney cleaners, neither was home. Left a message but had to go to a meeting last night. One had left a return message, one had not. Adk Chimney people, who left the message, said they'd call me today. So far not. I want to get it cleaned as soon as possible but scheduling will be a problem unless they'll do it on the weekend. I'm booked here at work, between meetings and road trips, pretty much through next week. I've never cleaned the outside stovepipe, sort of thought I didn't have to because it's triple-walled and smooth and I thought you didn't have to. WRONG was I. At least now I'll be able to pay for it.

Other bad: snow. Some this morning, making the roads awful all the way to work. They didn't plow or sand at all. Other drivers thought this was catastrophic and drove 25 mph. That was overeacting, the roads sure weren't that bad. It rained all day here in Platts., let's hope the same was true at home (but often it snows there while raining here--yikes).

So no bad is very bad, but the good is really pretty good. I tidied my desk today, in prep for the tour we'll be having on Monday as part of showing off community resources. It may not look good to other people, but the piles are much smaller (three garbage cans worth) and their tidy piles now. I found some good stuff, but mostly found lots of stuff that was old and worthless. Lots of professional journals I never read that are now too old to be relevant. Computers in Libraries from 2003.

And tonight I cook for Ken. He has asked that I only bring one dog, rather than the 2 brown girls I've been bringing. "Would you do a favor for me? Would you?" Won't tell me why until I get there. I dread whatever it is he's going to show/tell me. I just hope Tess didn't chew something precious of his. Usually it's the wastebasket in the upstairs bathroom and I can clean up the mess before he finds it. Guess not this time. So Chances will go because he likes her the best. Poor Tess will spend the evening in the cage, after being there all day. But what can I do. Last night she was in her cage from 6:15 to 9:15 while I was at the library in the Forks at a meeting. If she didn't chew seat belts she could come along!

You Are a Life Blogger!

http://www.quizdiva.net/bt/life-blogger.jpg">%20/>Your%20blog%20is%20the%20story%20of%20your%20life%20-%20a%20living%20diary.If%20it%20happens,%20you%20blog%20it.%20And%20make%20it%20as%20entertaining%20as%20possible.

Plenty of time has gone by. I cooked my Sunday dinner and the food was delicious. I made my salmon with tarragon and it was really good. I made wonderful hollandaise for my broccoli. We ate on the Rockwell Kent plates and everyone loved it. Ken thought I was generous to let him use such a valuable plate. I got up early and Ken came to install the deck railing. I was actually helpful and hammered part of the railing. I was pleased with my hammering and hit the nail every time. yeah me. The railing actually doesn't look horrible, though it doesn't match the rest at all and looks pretty stupid. But it's there and the appraiser came, took a picture and left.

I went to work Monday and Tuesday, cataloged like a fool. The board met Monday night, had a marathon session. They went into executive session with the attorney to discuss "personnel matters," which means they decided whether or not to pursue disciplinary action against me for the alleged "incident" of October, 2003. I don't know what they decided but so far I haven't received a memo from the director, which is what form the discipline would first take, presumably. Perhaps not, though--I really have no way of knowing and just wait for the shoe to drop. Not a pleasant sensation but there's nothing else I can do. I can hope that the board realizes how queer it would be to pursue something that happened a year ago, that wasn't much of anything, a comment that I supposedly made, which I deny having made anyway, which would cost the library a few thousand dollars in legal fees because I would grieve any action they took. But I'm still uneasy and must wait for time to pass. They have 18 months from 10/03 to do anything. Of course, if they discipline me I'll also demand that they request another staff member who admitted calling members of my department fat and lazy. What a pleasant thing the whole mess is.

So that made Monday night nasty, and Tuesday morning I was nervous but the director left at 11 with no memo appearing in my mailbox. Now it's Monday and still nothing but that doesn't mean a thing.

I left for Rhode Island on Wednesday morning, dropping Jackson off in Plattsburgh first. Had to take him to the huge commercial kennel because I called too late and my vet was full. I don't really feel sorry about it, I have little compassion for this poor old dog--I just feel that he's lucky he gets to live with me. It's been very pleasant to be without him all these days. I pick him up tonight after my chiropractor's appointment, paying $90 for the pleasure of being without him. The trip to RI was fine, no traffic and no real rain. It went quickly because I took a bunch of CD's to listen to. My hairdresser taught me an exercise to do for my sciatica and I can do it in the car, though it's dangerous while driving, but it helps so much I do it anyway from time to time. Oh yeah, I got a perm on Tuesday night, out of sheer desperation. It looks ok, it's just a body perm, not a lot of curls, just height. So now I'm 5'4". My hair is too short to do much with and still doesn't look great but it looks better. I'll grow it a little longer and it might look better with this perm. I don't know what to do with it, it's so limp it just hangs.

Thanksgiving was fine. We had a nice time but it was a bit tense with Mark's sister, her husband and 2 sons. Mark, Liza and I had fun preparing for it. Mark made a huge and beautiful centerpiece, 2-tiered with real fruit (grapes dripping). He of course set the table. He and I went in search of whipping cream, lima beans and more squash--went to 4 stores in opposite ends of the area with no luck, came back with a bag of ice. Anyway Marilyn is having marital problems and problems "finding herself" right now so it was sort of strange but we had a good time anyway. The food was delicious and there was plenty of it. Marilyn and Don brought 5 pies. I ate so much I felt ill. After they left we collapsed. That night we watched Bend it Like Beckham and picked at the turkey a little bit.

Friday we made our traditional pilgrimage to The Christmas Tree Shop, have our usual fun wheeling a cart through the entire store, aisle by aisle, commenting on everything we saw and buying Christmas presents. I got things for the people who work for me plus a few other things. I was searching for the perfect wine glasses to give to Bill for our Sunday dinner table. Since that store is 40 minutes north of Liza's it's pretty much an all-afternoon affair and that's all we did (Mark worked in the morning). We watched Arrested Development that night, but they both went to bed early and I stayed up late, knitting at watching episode after episode.

Saturday, after a lot of discussion about where we should shop we decided to shop in Wickford, the little seaside town I used to live in, where Mark's shop is now located. It has small shops, where everything is expensive but fun to look at. We had a great time and it was easier on Liza than Friday's expedition because the stores weren't loud and full of people and we went outdoors a lot so she got fresh air. We went to a few antique shops and I found the perfect goblets for Bill. Expensive and no one else liked them but I'm happy with them. First I bought 5 small glasses that went with some plates but Mark really wanted them so when I found the goblets in another store we were really pleased that I could sell him the original glasses. Successful trip. There's one store Liza and I always go to that has tons and tons of small stuff packed into it and we had a great time there. Mark looked at charms to give to his niece and I remembered how important my charm bracelet was to me when I was a kid. He finally decided to get her a horse because she's taking riding lessons right now. Each of my charms had special meaning from a special trip or occasion.

After shopping we tried a new fish market for lobster, one that's right in Wickford. The guy working there was wearing a sweatshirt that said "Champlin's Wickford" so maybe they're owned by the same people we go to in Galilee, I don't know. Anyway we had good lobster for dinner that night. Liza went to bed but Mark and I stayed up and drank a lot. A whole lot. He had to go to work at 10, though, so then we drank a lot of coffee. After he left I did the dishes and Liza got up to notice that we drank nearly the whole bottle of Limoncello ("You drank all THAT?"). oops. Anyway we had a good time. Yesterday I slept late, since I didn't get to sleep until 2 and wanted to get enough sleep so I wouldn't be sleepy on my drive home. We did our usual read-the-Sunday-paper routine together before I left. I left around 1 and had a fine trip home. Rained most of the way on the Mass Pike but the traffic wasn't as bad as it could have been. Moderate but not fierce. Got home at 7, making good time even though I didn't race.

The house was 47 when I got home and my wood stove is misbehaving terribly, smoking up a storm when I open the door. This may mean the stovepipe needs cleaning, I don't know what to think. I can't get it cleaned until I have my closing or get paid, whichever comes first. I get paid on Friday, at least. I don't know what's going on but maybe I shouldn't use it until I have it looked at. I finally got the house up to 63 by turning on the heat in the library, kitchen, bedroom and living room. Now THAT won't cost too much. Tess was very excited to be home and raced around for a long time before settling on my shoulder on the couch, under the down cover Jenica gave me last year. Like a parrot.

And now I've cataloged old crappy videos for Schroon Lake and will move on to gift books that are mediocre children's books and shouldn't be in their library. They're really proud that their interlibrary loan volume is so high but the reality is that it means they don't have the books their patrons want to read so they have to borrow everything from other libraries.

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New mortgage is what they tell me I've got. There's only one snag, and it's one I should have thought of. The appraiser won't sign off on the appraisal until I have a railing on the last section of the front deck. I thought of that before he came, but then I forgot about it. If a deck is a certain height you're required to have a railing on it. Jamie had a fit when he found this out but I don't object to rules the way he does. Anyway, when Ralph kindly finished the deck that Jamie never did, we ran out of railing and there's one 12-foot length that lacks a railing. Tonight I'll ask Ken if I can borrow some boards to erect a temporary railing, just long enough for the appraiser to come and take a picture. After that I can take the railing down. The mortgage company called this morning and said once the appraiser has returned and finalized things we can schedule the closing--if he comes back next week we can close the following week. That would be a huge relief. I said I'd get the railing up this weekend. I hate imposing on Ken like this, but I'm desperate at this point and I don't think he'll mind helping me out this way. The appraisal came in at $99,000. Slightly less than I'd anticipated but I'll take it. Maybe the overall condition of the house had something to do with it. It's still good when you consider that I'll have $50,000 equity in the house with the new mortgage. I don't really consider that in the greater scheme of things: it's like money you can't touch, since you don't want to borrow that much. You'd just have that huge payment hanging over your head and you'd never be able to retire then. If you sold your house to get the money then you wouldn't have your house anymore, so what good does it really do you to have that equity? An investment, which is good for when I'm old and feeble-minded, and need the money I guess, but I always hope to be able to leave the house for anyone who might want it some day in the distant future (if it's still standing). Oh houses houses houses.

And my refrigerator made the most awful grinding noise the other night. It's been sweating up a storm for the past 3 months so I suspected it wasn't long for this world, but I'm hoping it can last until my closing at least. I have a few hundred dollars in the bank and can afford to pay cash for a new one as long as I don't need money for anything other than a car payment and insurance right now. They cost a fortune--$600-700. So far it's just humming along, but with my luck it'll die while I'm in RI next week and I'll return to a huge mess of mold on Sunday. yuck. Maybe things will run in my favor and I can wait until I get back. If I get one here at Lowe's they'll not only deliver it but they'll take away the old one--YES! I'll need $100 for boarding Jackson over Thanksgiving. god it costs a lot of money just to live these days, doesn't it.

Still warm and wonderful here. I went for a nice walk last night. It was really warm and dark, just barely spritzing mist. The dogs love it, Chances and Tess just tear around like fools. Jackson trots along next to me, huffing and puffing, but he seems to enjoy the walking. Tonight I have to go shopping, then should stop at Ken's for a quick visit and to ask about the railing, then I have to go to Malone to see Barb's artwork. That'll kill the night.

I spent the morning cataloging the last of Ticonderoga's backlog. Now I can move on to weeding for the last hour of the day. I'm well into the T's now, moving right along. Progress, how sweet.

You are 53% Sagittarius

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/astrologyquizzes.html">How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Even keel is how I am. I went to Elizabethtown, ate birthday cake on Monday. Went back there yesterday, did data base training. Today I get to stay in the library and meet with the board's Executive Committee to ask their consideration of the staff's recommendations for system goals for '05. I'm spokesperson for the Steering Committee of the assessment process. Am ending my involvement on that committee in December, will be happy to be relieved of that. Being union president is enough. Re-election is next year, unopposed of course: no one wants the job. We start negotiations now on our new contract, which expires 12/31.

Weather continues to be good. 40's and feeling really balmy. It was such a nice night last night, still and warm. I almost went for a walk but it was dark when I got home and I was tired. Had to be at work by 7:30 for early meeting, plus day of training was just tiring, plus had to stay late. So there, all my rationalizations. Tonight I cook for Ken. Leftover pork chops and mac/cheese from Sunday dinner. Plus I bought a shrimp cocktail ring that was on sale at Sam's Club--his favorite thing. Last night I sewed buttons on his favorite ragged lined flannel shirt. People who visited over the weekend said they thought he was in better shape than they'd seen him in a long time. Go figure. I can't tell, I see him all the time and he seems fine to me 95% of the time. He's had a more profound influence on much of my behavior than just about any other person in my life. He's instilled in me a great ethic about taking care of what you have--your tools, your wood pile, your home. Finishing a task you start, doing it to the best of your ability, not procrastinating (I'm better at this, at least now I feel guilty when I do it--his voice is always in my head). My parents instilled in me a work ethic about my job--when you walk in the door at your job you start to work and you continue to work the whole time you're there, that's what you're paid to do (except, of course, when you're blogging), and you do the best work you can and you try to find something about it that you enjoy doing. But in your personal life there are certain responsibilities you have as well, to your equipment and your belongings and your behavior. Ken is a wonderful mentor, a great example of the kind of person we should all be. I'm lucky to be able to spend so much time with him, and that he enjoys my company so much that he includes me in his "inner circle" and respects me. I like this connection a lot.

So that's what's up with me. Tomorrow I do more data base training in Chateaugay. Where's that? up north, in the middle of nowhere. Farm community. Friday I get to be back at my desk, catching up on cataloging and weeding. Friday night I'm going to Malone to a gallery opening where my friend Barb Neel, a summer person (the judge's wife) has a pastel being shown. She and Steve are driving up from Boston and Bill is going over, so I'll show the flag too. It's about 45 minutes from my house but I know she'll really like it if I'm there. Sunday I'm cooking dinner at my house. I've decided it's tidy enough to entertain Bill and Fred in. I'm cooking salmon, at Bill's request. They like this recipe I use, where I cook it in a clay cooker (my Schlemmertopf--Elsa has one and I was taken by it and requested it for Christmas a few years ago. Liza got me one and Henry, Mark, Liza, Jenica and I had fun with it that year). At least I don't have to agonize over what to make!

Upward and onward--

Busy weekend is what I had.
Company Friday night. The Holts (Rush and Annie) came Friday night. I stopped at Ken's for a visit and a drink, and to drop off a quart of SoCo, something he asked me to get in Plattsburgh, where it's cheaper. Holts arrived at 9:30 and stayed at my house for the night, as they have no power in their camp right now due to construction project. They got up early (6:30) Sat. morning, I slept until 8. It was 5 degrees during the night but my house is warm. Rush went down to build a fire and get their camp warm so they could spend the day there and set up for the weekend. I had planned to spend the day cleaning my house in prep. for the real estate appraiser's visit on Monday morning. Got distracted, got very sad. Talked to Liza, had a nice visit with her but we talked about Christmas and I just have a very difficult time thinking about Christmas. Henry really liked Christmas, it was pure joy for him to give people presents. He loved shopping by himself in RI, exploring, then returning to his favorite stores each year. We had such nice Christmas mornings together, so peaceful and loving. He was so playful and great to be with. I just will miss that a lot this year. I already see things that I would like to get for him this year, which is what I did when Spaulding died too. But you have to keep on doing the things that you do, don't you. Anyway, I spent the afternoon crying and feeling very, very sad. Not productive but cathartic. Saturday night the Holts and I went out to dinner and had a really nice time. They are very comforting and supportive and are good friends. We talked about my going to Washington for Rush's swearing in ceremony on Jan. 4th and having Annie and me spend a few days there seeing the sights. That would be really nice but I'll just be getting back from RI and I don't know about taking more time off, leaving my house, etc. We'll see.

Sunday I slept really late, not having slept well during the night. Still have sleep issues. Sunday dinner was a lot of fun, two of my favorite campers were there. They always come for a weekend in November for what they call Extreme Work Weekend. They don't get that much work done but they have a lot of fun together. They're very boyish and cute. One of them, Duncan, is everyone's favorite. He's handsome, charming and every woman adores him. We all feel his wife is not nearly worthy of him, of course. He lives in Minn. So anyway I got to be with Duncan and Dave, which was fun. They make me laugh. After dinner I went to show Rush and Annie my friends the Guckers' house, because the Holts are starting to design their house here and are looking at different elements. I knew they'd be interested in the Guckers', since it's really a beautiful house that they designed themselves and has lots of interesting elements. It was great to see Peter and Robin, we used to spend so much time together. Their kids are now 9 and 12 so it was fun to see them too. They're building a cabin right on the water and it's beautiful, simple but really nice. Peter and Robin seem really happy, which is nice--there were some times when they were not happy together so I like it that they've worked things out. Rush & Annie really liked their house and it was nice of P & R to show it off. It was a beautiful day, warm and sunny.

I went home and watched Mean Girls, a funny movie I'd wanted to see because it was written by a Saturday Night Live woman. It's a teen flick but was good. I'm watching lots of DVD's because I joined the Blockbuster DVD club so I get them in the mail. It's like Netflix. I'm not sure why I did it but it seems to be working out. We'll see how long I do this for. All those channels on tv didn't seem to be enough, I guess. All the HBO shows are on hiatus and there are too many reality shows on the networks.

This morning I had the real estate appraiser come at 7:00. The dogs were obnoxious but he was fine because he has 2 bull mastiffs (yuck) and a pug. He could almost control my dogs. He only took 15 minutes, measured the house with a laser thing, then walked through all the rooms. I sat in the living room and left him alone. He asked a couple of questions then left. I have no idea what he thought. The house was tidy but messy, the usual clutter. Vacuumed, dusted, surfaces cleaned but stuff all over the place. Books on the stairs, basket making stuff all over. Made me think I really need to live my life differently. But then I've had that thought many times before. Now that he's come and gone I can move my bed onto to the floor upstairs. First I have to Tess-proof the hallway. That's no small task.

And now I'm at work. Today I have to go to Elizabethtown with the director to a 50th birthday party for the system. Someone else was supposed to go with us but she's sick so it'll be just the two of us. ick. This afternoon I have an appointment with the chiropractor. My sciatica has been bothering me a lot even though I'm walking often. Too much sitting. Tomorrow I do round two of data base searching training. My training on Friday didn't work out very well because the part of the data base I wanted to use wasn't accessible. The attendees were good, though, and I made do with what was accessible. Hopefully tomorrow's session will be better. There are more people signed up. It's in E'town, so back I'll go.

Supposed to be 50 today. Good day to do work at home. While I was away from home yesterday someone moved a load of wood into my wood shed and cleaned up the piles outside. I think it was Rush because we had talked about my need to do that, but I'm not sure it was him. I have good friends. He must have done it while I was at Sunday dinner. I can't call him to thank him because their phone isn't working. I'll have to wait until they get back to NJ to thank him. I'll send an email in the meantime.

It snowed last night (but not for the first time this year). Actually there was snow on the ground when I got home, so I could walk the dogs without a flashlight, down the road. They love the after-work walks, even Jackson runs a bit. Tess just runs and romps and adores the whole thing, and Chances loves to be the lead pony and run way ahead. This time I went down to the lake at the Gray's camp and along the lake shore to the Holt's, then up to check on progress at the excavation site (none). Tess found it all very exciting and dove right into the water. Then she rolled and rolled, which she doesn't really know how to do, she just sort of flops like a fish back & forth from one side to the other. Flat little thing that she is--you need to be really round like Chances to do it effectively.

It was cold in the house and I had trouble getting it warm, finally turned on the heat to get it up to 64. That sucks. It was 16 outside when I got up but the house was fairly warm. The sun was supposed to shine today, I thought, which would warm the house, but I don't think it's come out. I finally got a good fire going, something that was the problem last night. We had great northern lights late Sunday night, early Mon. morning, which I missed. They were predicted for last night but when I looked for them there was nothing but blackness with twinkling stars. The ground is covered with snow and it was snowing hard when I left but I don't think we're really supposed to get anything that amounts to much. I love coming home to a snow-covered road with NO TRACKS on it, so I know that no one else is around but me. Except that a car came by while I was walking. It was Debbie, as in Dennis & Debbie. Dennis stays in the Silver Lake Camp boat house until he can't stand it anymore or the road become impassable, whichever comes first. He's not there every night. He works for the caretaker there. He's ok. I think it must be pretty cold there, right on the water, damp and windy. I like living where I live, but I have no horizon to watch northern lights on.

The appraiser left a message on my voice mail at home yesterday. YIKES! I'm not ready for that. He wants to come tomorrow, but I have to be in Canton to plan the future of our regional network. Or at least their next year. I called & left a message asking if he could come Thursday afternoon, since I have Thurs. off and could clean in the morning. Friday I have to do a workshop (database training--AGAIN) in Chazy so that day is out. Then, my god the week is over already.

I bought the dogs each a new Nylabone (hard plastic, bone-shaped, the only thing I let them chew on in earnest because it doesn't disintegrate so they won't choke on it or have it puncture their intestines). They were all thrilled but Tess insists on having 2 at all times. One to chew on and one to look at while she chews. Jackson was puzzled by them, apparently he never had a Nylabone in his 12 years. Chances likes them ok. The other day Tess walked around and around the living room with Little Hedgehog perfectly wedged in her mouth so that he squeaked in perfect rhythm with each step. And she loved it, she just paraded back & forth about 4 times the length of the living room. If she knew how to hum she would have been humming. She has a pink bear that rattles and she loves the sound of the rattle as well, but squeaking Hedgehog is a true favorite. It requires a certain skill to get him to squeak, teeth must be placed just so. I can't get him to squeak with my hands because I don't know the secret spots (and I refuse to use my teeth).

And that gives you some idea of the entertainment level at my house. I returned The O.C. to Blockbuster.com and am waiting for Jersey Girl (short wait) and Arrested Development and something else I forget what's in my queue. I did NOT order The Passion, thank you Mel. He's clearly gone round the bend. I saw Tom Hanks on Letterman last night and he is clearly one of the funniest, most clever and likeable people in the public eye.

Colder tonight, down to 10 I bet at my house. Bundle up. Lucky thing I've got that dog under my covers, huh.

My weekends seem to have settled into nominally productive phenomena lately. I don't think this is really good but seem to be unable to do much about it. On Saturday I had agreed to go to Quebec with Bill and 20 other people to a government-subsidized farm where you get served a multi-course meal over the span of 4 hours. In between courses you wander around the farm and look a the animals. I was to meet them all at 10:15 in Plattsburgh in front of the old Ames. I was there ok, but didn't find them. I waited half an hour, then went Christmas shopping, ran errands, and returned at 11:15 in case I got the time wrong. Was proud that I had left home early enough to get to the dump en route to town. Went to Lowe's to get dirt for my window boxes, got more bulbs on sale as well as yet another amaryllis for myself for $6. Anyway, got home to a voice mail message from Bill saying we were all set to meet at 10:15 in front of the old Ames. So I spent the day doing a little bit of cleaning but mostly watching DVD's of "The O.C." a new (last year) tv series about rich people in California from the perspective of attractive high school students. Pretty people. I left a message on Bill's voice mail telling him I'd been there but didn't find them. When he got home at 7 he told me they'd been OUTSIDE and I was INSIDE. Well, I looked outside and didn't see them. Anyway, I was just as happy not to go because I have to do something about my house before the appraiser comes to appraise its value.

So that was Saturday. The temperature was 50 and it was a nice day but I didn't spend much time outside. It was just nice to have my house warm with minimal effort at the wood stove.

Yesterday I slept late, owing to the fact that I didn't get to bed until early in the morning. A bad pattern all too well established. We had delicious steaks for Sunday dinner, along with Ken's favorite, frozen French fries. It was a nice meal. Bill had brought me the dinner from Quebec that I missed: all the courses--2 appetizers (one was a salmon mousse in a delicious creme sauce), pheasant with 3 vegetables and mashed potatoes, and a delicious plate of fruit with sauce and whipped creme. Oh yes, creme of spinach soup with a special pastry cookie that went on top. All of the food was produced on the farm. I had the meal for dinner, heated up in the microwave. Yes, I have a microwave. Traded it for a wood stove last year. Anyway, after dinner I came home and actually was productive. Went to the boat house and brought in the porch furniture, stuffed bedding into plastic tubs. Cannot find lids to tubs so there it all sits, stuffed but exposed. Brought home a dishpan of dirty dishes that must be washed and returned. Will take those back, along with a hammer to take down the peace flag and the boat house will be closed for the season.

After that I planted bulbs in the window boxes I've hung under my living room windows. This is my grand experiment for the year. Planted crocuses, miniature daffodils and small irises. Can't wait to see how they do. If they bloom it will be really neat. If they don't I can use the boxes for annuals next year. Must still plant the bulbs I bought. Bill suggested, which reminded me that it was my original plan, that I plant them at the entrance to my driveway. Should have done it yesterday, but my positive energy only spreads so far. So then I watched the last disc of The O.C., then Groundhog Day for the 3rd or 4th time, then fell asleep. Got to bed at a decent hour, so I woke early enough this morning to get my fire started and get to work early. Sticking to my plan of being not only on time but early. yeah me.

And for some reason everyone is very cheerful today. People had good weekends--trips to Buffalo, South Carolina, a baby shower, all something interesting to report. Maybe the fact that we have Thursday off for Vets' Day is perking us all up. It's only supposed to be in the 30's today, not much warmer tomorrow but 50 on Weds. We did get snow on Friday. About 2-3" at home, none anywhere else except of course Placid and Saranac Lake. It had melted by Saturday afternoon. Friday night I stopped at Ken's for a drink and nice visit, had to slog through a snow drift about 5" deep. Just a taste of what's to come. I'm having a problem getting a handle on the fact that I will have snow to deal with in the near future. By January I'll be able to handle it I'm sure. Sometimes we go without much snow for the month of December. But then--other times, NOT. No way to know.

20 Questions to a Better Personality
Wackiness: 62/100
Rationality: 58/100
Constructiveness: 46/100
Leadership: 44/100

You are a WRDF--Wacky Rational Destructive Follower. This makes you a Hacker.Your thirst for knowledge can be damaging to your possessions--you like to take things apart, even if you then forget to put them back together. You demand respect and, no matter how much you are respected, seldom feel it is adequate. You are tenacious, and will stick to a task long after weaker minds have given it up. Socially, you are awkward, and get into arguments and make people uncomfortable. One recommends counting to ten, holding back comments unless warranted, and listening more than speaking. Still, your no-holds-barred approach to socialization can be strangely endearing, as long as you are funny and self-deprecating.You feel misunderstood, and you probably are.

Of the 51805 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 2.7 % are this type.

Well this sounds a bit harsh, doesn't it? I know I often feel misunderstood, but I'd rather have it be that I only FEEL that way, not that I actually AM that way. And socially awkward, well that doesn't make one feel great, now does it. But at my age I think I've accepted the way I am. I often feel socially awkward but accept it as the way I am and have always turned to comedy as a way to deal with most situations (that aren't tragic, that is).
So there I am. Thank you, Amy.

From Maureen Dowd in today's New York Times--

The president got re-elected by dividing the country along fault lines of fear, intolerance, ignorance and religious rule. He doesn't want to heal rifts; he wants to bring any riffraff who disagree to heel.
W. ran a jihad in America so he can fight one in Iraq - drawing a devoted flock of evangelicals, or "values voters," as they call themselves, to the polls by opposing abortion, suffocating stem cell research and supporting a constitutional amendment against gay marriage.
Mr. Bush, whose administration drummed up fake evidence to trick us into war with Iraq, sticking our troops in an immoral position with no exit strategy, won on "moral issues."
The president says he's "humbled" and wants to reach out to the whole country. What humbug. The Bushes are always gracious until they don't get their way. If W. didn't reach out after the last election, which he barely grabbed, why would he reach out now that he has what Dick Cheney calls a "broad, nationwide victory"?
While Mr. Bush was making his little speech about reaching out, Republicans said they had "the green light" to pursue their conservative agenda, like drilling in Alaska's wilderness and rewriting the tax code.
"He'll be a lot more aggressive in Iraq now," one Bush insider predicts. "He'll raze Falluja if he has to. He feels that the election results endorsed his version of the war." Never mind that the more insurgents American troops kill, the more they create.

This is really scary and just awful. I remember when my mother said that, if George Wallace was elected president she would move to another country. Well, I feel like moving to another country, but I don't want to abandon my country, I like my country and I like where I live. I just feel betrayed by the people who live in my country. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM? And I'm fearful--what is going to happen to us? We are being lead by a madman and a fool. Dowd calls Cheney "Vice."

As if I weren't feeling lousy enough this morning, I had to read her op-ed piece. I thought about my brother on the way in. I re-created the time we spent together when his first marriage ended. He drove to Connecticut to spend time with me. I was in college and we drove to see my grandfather in a nursing home. He hated living there and was so bored that he hallucinated, but he would share his hallucinations with you and was always half in and half out ("See all those those school children lined up? They all have their lunchboxes. What are they doing with lunch? It's only 10:30."). After the visit in Glens Falls we drove to Hanover to see our cousin Kox (Cam's mother). We had called to say we were coming but would get there late at night. It snowed driving over there, the kind of snow that's really distracting when you're driving, flakes that drive right into the headlights. We listened to Elton John over and over, the whole trip. Tiny Dancer. He talked about the trip out from Illinois and the hitchhikers he picked up. When we got to Hanover Kox's house was totally dark and everyone was in bed. We joked about how much the guest room was like a motel, but what a nice motel it was. In the morning Cam said she hadn't told anyone we were coming so they wondered what the Coors beer was doing on the counter (you couldn't get Coors in the East then). Turns out she had "forgotten" we were coming in the few hours after we called her. Even then she was drinking an incredible amount. Anyway we had a nice visit with all of them and eventually headed back to Bridgeport. It was trips like that with Henry that I like to remember. He had that orange Peugeot station wagon that I thought was the coolest car (so did he). We had a great time on that trip.

So now it's the 4th of November and I was 3 minutes late to work this morning. I was early 3 times and have already broken my vow to myself to be on time. Well 3 minutes is better than I've been. I couldn't get out of bed, I knew I would feel sad on the way to work, and I was right. I cried a lot (good for you, cleans your eyes, that's what my father would say when he made me cry). But now I'm ready to face the day and catalog, damn it, catalog. I've moved on to Willsboro's new stuff. Books on CD, used videos they bought from a video store and odd books. Oh my aching back. I also have to analyze circulation of our periodicals on the bookmobile to see which ones we should renew. This is a project I made up for myself so I don't have to catalog all day. I can also week. I'm in the St's now, moving right along. The S's have the oldest, least-circulated, filthiest and most-falling-apart books in our collection. I sneeze and wheeze when I handle them, but I'm moving toward the end of the alphabet and that's a good thing.

Heavy, heavy frost this morning. Very pretty. We had a bit of snow on the ground yesterday but we never really got our October snow. There was snow on Whiteface in Oct. but it never hit us. Not a problem.

I'm working on refinancing my mortgage. Have applied with 3 different mortgage companies. This is the big thing in America--you don't work with banks anymore, you work with mort. companies, and you start the process online. It's great, they call you and go over the stuff, then they do the credit check, then they call you back and talk to you. You have an appraiser come then you have a closing. No meeting with an uptight banker who disapproves of you and makes you feel inadequate. So far I have one offer that isn't a good interest rate but will save me $300 a month on a 15-year mortgage. I wanted a 10-year mort. but don't know if I can swing that and pay off my credit cards. I fear the appraisal because the house is unconventional and I hate the feeling of being judged. I have to believe it will be ok--the house must be worth a certain amount in order for this all to work out, but since I'm only financing $48,000 or so it should turn out ok. I'm hoping the house is worth $100,000--that's what the bank conjectured when I talked to them about it. $80,000 would be ok. Right now I only owe $36,000 and the original mort. was $58,000 in '92. Presumably it's appreciated in value--then it was appraised at $80k. Liza's house is appraised at $400,000, which she finds very comforting. I just love tossing these figures around. Anyway, I'm due to hear from mortgager #2 today and have #3 in the wings. Closing costs for #2 are $3000, very unreasonable. #1 only charges $1200.

And the dogs are fine. It's really a drag letting them out one at a time and waiting until they return (now TESS. now JACKSON. now CHANCES) and I have to let Tess out first so she doesn't eat everyone else's poop. She's really funny if she goes out after the others, nose to the ground running along as she follows their trail until she finds the spot where they finally pooped. She looks like a cartoon character.

We're all very silent at work, as if in mourning. We can't believe it. When I left yesterday I was hopeful, really hopeful, but then I'm an eternal optimist when it comes right down to it. I was so nervous watching the returns last night. I finally went to bed at 1, very discouraged and sad. Pleased that Kerry took Wisconsin, pleased that he took as much as he did, but really upset at the big swatch of red that covered so much of the country. How angry and ugly it looked. I cooked meatloaf and mashed potatoes for Ken and Bill and we watched early returns in silence. I guess we knew from the start it would be hard to pull it off. My enthusiasm waned with each passing moment. At least Rush won, but he'll have a hard fight and an unpleasant term in Congress. I don't envy the Democrats in Congress right now. This country is in for four very unpleasant, contentious and miserable years.

Strangely silent on blogspot today.

I VOTED on the way to work this morning. We had nothing interesting to vote for (as the volunteer working the polling place said "No amendments for us" wink, wink--that means, nothing on gay marriages for New Yorkers), just 6 people to elect or vote out of office. I did my best. I never vote before work, always after, but I was way early this morning. There were 2 other voters there but they wanted me to go ahead of them. I was number 14, and this was at 7:00. GREAT NEWS! Of course, New York is a Kerry state so it doesn't matter so much. The race I'm really interested in is our local Assemblyman, who is a pompous ass and has been in office for 18 years. He's a good friend of Jim and Keela's and I think he's become really complacent and a career politician and is not as effective a leader as he should be. I'm not sure his Democratic opponent stands a chance but it will be interesting if all the money the Party has thrown at the campaign has had any effect.

Walked the dogs after I got home last night, in pitch blackness. I have this cool flashlight that throws light at least 30 yards (I typed "years" first, then changed it to yards--wouldn't it be cool to have a light that would shine 30 years into the past or future?), so it was a really cool walk. Walked AWAY from the hardtop, to the end of my road. The dogs loved it. Chances only ran into me once, but that was at a full-tilt boogie. She does really well in the dark if there is no light, hence no shadows to confuse her.

Chiropractic visit went well. I had muscle spasms in the middle of my back for a change. This job is just awful for my neck, shoulders and back--now that we're concentrating on conversion of our libraries, all I do is sit and type in data all day. Yesterday I did some weeding, which does involve moving around, as well as sitting in a different chair with a computer at a different level. Good to change position. This month I'll be traveling more so that will be good for my body.

Up early this morning, beat the alarm. My commitment to myself is to be at work early now, after being late nearly every day in October. It's really hard for me to get out of bed when it's dark. Today I woke before the dogs. Tess was snoring under the covers at my feet, Chances soundly sleeping on the pillow next to my head. As soon as I stir they wake up, but it took Tess longer because I didn't move my feet and she can't see what's going on on top of the covers. What a strange dog she is. What 50-lb dog likes sleeping under the covers? It'll only get worse as it gets colder.

Jackson took off last night, but at least he only took his own life in his hands. I let him them all out one at a time to make their potties. The girls each came right back but he disappeared. This is dangerous during deer season, although I don't know if there are jackers in my neighborhood anymore now that people are more aware that I'm living there. He was gone for an hour. Depending on his pace, this could mean anything about his destination. I pondered the possibilities when he didn't return. Yes, it would be a shame if he were hit by a car. If he were injured it would REALLY be a shame because it would be expensive. If he were killed instantly I would have to dispose of an 80-lb body but he would have died a happy boy.

On to my task at hand: cataloging, more cataloging.

The lost weekend
It was a beautiful weekend, warm with the golden glow of the tamaracks, but I didn't take advantage of it at all. I talked to my mother Saturday afternoon and said that I'd done nothing, really, all day, and felt like doing nothing for the rest of the day. She diagnosed me as being depressed, said she'd felt the same way all week. I guess she was right, because after I talked to her I did NOT go to the dump as I'd planned, instead I lay down on the couch and went to sleep (sound, sound sleep) for 2 hours. When I woke the dump was closed so I had no choice. She was sad because she spent the week cleaning out the storage space under the eaves upstairs, throwing out things of my father's (psychology texts and books about Richard Nixon), sorting through things from her children's' youth (papers we created as children) and discovering the dresses she and her daughters wore to my brother's first wedding ("If you want to know where they are, when I die, there in a box under the eaves. They're very funny-looking"). I thought she had a more valid (is there a more valid?) reason for sadness than I did. Anyway, Saturday was a beautiful day but I stayed indoors and did nothing but clean my living room rug. That was a wasted effort because as I napped the dogs trashed it all over again.

The dogs. What to do about them. Friday night at 9:30, after they'd been outside for 2 hours, I got a call from a house a mile away and on the other side of the hardtop saying they'd just let the chocolate Labs in so they wouldn't be hit by a car. The old yellow dog was no longer there. I knew that, he'd come home an hour before. I drove right over there, after identifying where they were ("We're in the double-wide on the Union Falls road half a mile from Ken Laundry's house." Are you Spooner's? "Yes." I'll be right there). They all came out onto their tiny porch when I drove up. "The other one (Chances) will be out in a minute. She's having a bite to eat." Yesterday, just before I was leaving for Sunday dinner I got a call from the people who live just across the hardtop, next to my mailbox. "Elizabeth, do you have THREE dogs?" yes. "They're here, digging in our flower beds. They didn't come here all last year, but they've been here 5 or 6 times so far this year. Now they're in our pond!" I'll be right there. I'm really, really sorry.

So now I have to be really vigilant and let them out one at a time EVERY time I let them out. The thing is that I walked them for an hour yesterday morning before letting them one last time before going to Ken's at noon. Nothing works, they just think I'm boring and they miss the summer people. I walked into the bog yesterday to take their Christmas pictures with the backdrop of the glow of the tamaracks. It's beautiful but they wouldn't pose for me at all. Now I know why, they were plotting their next escape. Ken got really angry when I told him (why did I tell him? Probably to reinforce my own scolding). "They're you're dogs and you've got to watch them. They're going to get hit by a car and it'll either cost a lot of money or they'll be dead." well, he's right. I shudder to think of it. Do I have to have bad things happen before I believe that they really will happen?

Yesterday after dinner I watched In America, a DVD I bought. I thought it was a nice film about a family that goes on holiday in America. Wrong. An Irish family comes to America after their son dies. Two sisters and the parents trying to come to terms with the death of the boy. Well man I didn't need to see that. It's excellent, though, and I enjoyed it, right up to the end when they all finally make peace with Frankie's death. Then I watched some Kate Hudson flick on HBO. This gives you some idea of what sort of shape I was really in. At least I'm knitting now while I watch, doing something vaguely productive.

I've been walking the dogs nearly every day, and do enjoy that. The girls are so funny to watch. The pair of horses I always wanted, in a match race. They come galloping toward me, then gallop away from me, Tess grabbing at Chances' collar. They love the action. Jackson keeps up and seems to enjoy being part of the group. I walk down to the Holt's construction site to check on the progress. The first day I was there the guy with the backhoe was there with Leisa. He was a friend of Jamie's and did the work on our house, dug our well and did our driveway. He remembered me and it was really nice to see him. We talked, joked the way we always did. I haven't seen him in 10 years so that was really nice. I never know what these people think of me, what they've heard about the circumstances of the separation, but I think most of them know that he just walked out. Actually, I'm sure that Kent heard that because he's good friends with Eddie, who's a good friend of mine and did the work on our boat house 2 years ago so we re-connected then and I told him the whole story then. There, the circle is complete. Anyway, I liked seeing Kent and he liked it that I remembered that his wife's name is Patty and we had a good visit. And now there's a huge road going down to the Holt's, with a beautiful new culvert, and the foundation is dug. Big excitement in the neighborhood.

And it's election time. After my chiropractor's appointment tonight I buy the makings for meatloaf so that tomorrow night I can cook dinner for Bill and Ken. This is what we do on Election Night. Bill likes to vote in Black Brook, where he owns property, so he drives out after work, then goes to Ken's, where I cook dinner. We've done this before and we all enjoy the opportunity for a weeknight dinner together. It'll be a nice change. My book group was postponed from Thursday to Tuesday but I can't go because of these plans. I haven't finished the book anyway. I'm stuck about half way through and am taking a break. I hope to finish it, it really is good but it's like quicksand or deep mud, plodding along through it.

Work is pretty quiet. We had a big meeting Friday afternoon. Setting System goals. I would have thought the director would lead the meeting but she didn't. No one would take charge, so I did. I hate that, that's how I get the reputation for being bossy, but I hate a meeting where nothing happens and everyone sits around staring at the floor. We got the work done, got some good goals set. Now all we need to do is get the board to approve them.

Lots of cataloging to do this week. I'm working on Schroon Lake's audiobooks but should probably switch to working on the online library's stuff, since it's been a month since I've done any of their things. We just had two more libraries sign automation contracts (Lake Placid and Peru) so that's two more collections to convert. LP is converted, they did their own several years ago and have been conscientious about keeping up with it. Peru, on the other hand, will require some work. At least I weeded that collection last year so it's in pretty good shape, and it's a relatively small collection. This month the automation consultant and I are to travel to all the libraries who have signed contracts and set up conversion plans with them, then strategies for going online. Can I stand to spend that much time with her? Guess I'll have to. She's ok, just thinks in an entirely different way. Sometimes I feel as if she and the director just like to suck the thoughts, imagination and ability out of my skull and use it to their advantage. They usually take credit for my work, but I don't really care--what I do makes the work of my department simpler and facilitates its getting done.

While waiting in the psychiatrist's office I took a test in Time magazine about how spiritual I am and it turns out that I'm empirical and not into self-transcending. big whoop. I don't get so involved in doing things that I lose track of time. I don't give of myself completely to improve the world. I don't believe in miracles (well, not really). Boy do I sound like a cold, hard person. But I do love spring flowers and get lost in their beauty. It didn't ask me about the persona of animals and whether I believe they have as much of a "soul" as humans do. But since I don't really believe humans have a soul (as defined by most people) I guess that would be irrelevant. I just believe that animals exist as completely as humans do, that their lives have as much meaning as human lives do. Then why do I eat meat? Well, because I get hungry, I like the taste of some of it and it's a simple way to get protein. I don't know why Americans are so barbaric in the way their treat livestock, why they believe it's ok to treat animals so inhumanely (I like the application of the word inhumane to animals, it only emphasizes how little value we place on the life of anything that's not a member of the human race).

But I love my dogs. They are great in the morning, when the alarm goes off. They have their drowsy period, it doesn't last as long as mine does--which is a good thing on work days. This morning Chances was lying next to me, totally parallel, sound asleep. She never does that. Once they both started to stir they did their usual, which invoves nudging me a lot in the face with snotty wet noses. Tess has her vantage point, Chances has hers. They're both so excited and eager to be rewarded, having them in the morning is just so gratifying.

So today my goal is to actually write the documents I've been assigned to work on. Procedures for automating a library. How to determine what percentage of your collection is in the data base. What steps to take to barcode your collection. How to convert your holdings to machine readable format. I'd much rather continue with my clerical tasks, they're way more fun, but that's not really what I'm paid to do. Besides, I'll get caught one of these days, when the director asks me for the documents. There is some accountability in my job. Not much, but some.

The best autumn ever
The weather this fall has been phenomenal. We just had another banner weekend, temps in the 50s and nice autumn sunshine. Granted, the sun is low in the sky and shadows are long, but the air has such a unique quality to it that you can't help appreciating the change of seasons. It's more like November than October, the leaves are nearly all gone. Only the aspens--the poplars and quaking aspens, big-toothed aspens, of which we have a few, still have leaves. They make a gentle rustling sound in the wind, very nice to hear. I love November, when the woods become silent once again. It's interesting to me that the poplars and aspens are the first to get their leaves and the last to let go of them. What a tenacious tree, yet thought of as trash, having no value for furniture or firewood, just used for pulp in this area. In our family we have a romantic thing about the rustling of poplar leaves, both the visual and audio effect of them. They're beautiful against a deep blue sky.

So I had a good weekend, was outdoors-productive to the point of reading outside yesterday afternoon until I finally said "I don't have to be outside anymore, I've done enough of that to feel satiated!" I cleared furniture off my deck and stored it for the winter, removed my screen door, put up window boxes I'm going to plant spring bulbs in (I bought those great bulbs in RI, now I just have to buy the dirt), moved stuff out of the plow's way, inspected the area in general, and sat in the sun and read that damned book I'm valiantly plugging along with. We're up to 1399 now in Greenland and almost to chapter 3, "Love." Chapter 2 was "The devil," and has been very bleak, lots of death by starvation, vomiting, some murder, young girls too ugly to find husbands, starving livestock, depleting numbers of seals, etc. Let's hope love heals all. I'll never finish it by Thursday night's discussion but I'll work on it.

Had dinner with Lin Saturday night at my new favorite restaurant. Ralph is off hunting and fishing so we were free to stay as long as we wanted. We had a really nice time, had fun talking about the book and about life in general. Food was good, mood was good. She's working hard but has a new job that is less physical, about which she has mixed feelings. Me, I'm too old to have a physical job, wouldn't know how to deal with it.

Last night I watched Jon Stewart on 60 Minutes. I never watch that show anymore but wanted to see my boy Jon. He didn't disappoint me, was definite in his assertion that his is NOT a real news show, it's fake news and shame on the media for taking him seriously. No, they're not really broadcasting from Baghdad. Steve Croft did a pretty good job interviewing him, tried to laugh when appropriate but didn't really get the humor. Today's Washington Post online had a good article about Jon. My but he's getting a lot of attention since he trashed Crossfire last week. What a cutie.

Saturday night I was half watching SNL and there was pathetic Ashlee Simpson, lip-synching her music. When her second song came on they put on the wrong music and started to play the song she'd done earlier. She's such an unprofessional twerp she walked off the stage and later blamed her band, claiming they started to play the wrong song. In fact, they played the right song, it was the dub of her voice that was wrong. I was thinking about her this morning (gives you some idea of what my morning drive to work is like) and realized what a huge difference among performers there is. Others, more professional, who take their craft seriously would never have walked off the stage on national television. But of course, they would have been live--wouldn't they? Maybe I'm not realistic. Anyway, Jenica and I watched an MTV or VH1 something on her and she's a twit of course.

I started closing up the boat house yesterday afternoon. Phase one. Empty the refrigerator (just in time--Jim and Jamie shut the power off on Friday, naturally without checking the contents of our fridge), strip the bed, start organizing the stuff that will get mushed into the bins. Will it all fit? It seems as if there's more than there was last year. Only one way to find out if it fits, and I'll try to do that this weekend. I just didn't have the motivation to do it yesterday, even though it was warm. I guess I'm too used to closing camp when it's cold and miserable and I have to wear a down vest. Can't do it when it's sunny and pleasant. The dogs had their swim and I glanced at the 12 dark yellow trees among the purple of the naked ones on the far shore. Very satisfying for all. My there was a lot of foodstuff there--I sampled the Hawaiian Punch juices left by the O'Neill-Rogers people. Boy are they awful. I can see why kids love them. I now have 4 kinds of beer and a year's supply. Will bring the rest of the liquor home the next time, save it for next year. Can make no promises about how much will be left. I do like Kaluha in my coffee, but then I don't drink coffee at home. Like to sip tequila but don't much drink alone.

I like Jenica's comments about walking across the library while unbuttoning her pants. I just did the same thing here at work. I always start unzipping as I approach the bathroom, and always leave the stall door open, can't stand the tiny space created by a closed door. We have a small staff and it's usually ok, but I have to hustle to slam it shut when I hear someone come into the bathroom. I always leave the door open at home and am amused by friends who live alone and do the same when they visit me. Force of habit. Of course, there are friends who don't shut the door tightly and have the dogs bash the door open to see what's going on and say hello, as they always do when I'm sitting on the toilet. It seems to be their favorite time to attempt communication with me. As near as I get to eye level, which is all fine until Tess wants to jump onto my lap. No, no, no. They love to do that "go round and round and round" thing against my shins.

Got to talk to Molly on Saturday, that was a treat. She always calls me before I call her. I'm poor at gauging the time difference. I can remember when talking to her on the phone was traumatic, the sound quality was poor and it was just a reminder that she was far, far away and unavailable. Now I see her regularly and the phone calls sound local and we're easy and relaxed with each other, familiar with each other's lives and routines. I can picture her home and city, the view from her windows, the weather in the summer, the sky, the sulfur smell that's sometimes there, her patios (including the one where the laundry hangs, which gives me the willies to stand on).

Not much going on this week, just a few things. Appointment with psychiatrist tomorrow. I'll be sad, will be glad I went. Thursday is the book group, looking forward to that, will be glad I have that. Will have a hard time deciding on our next book, especially after this one! We have a union breakfast on Thursday to hear what the members want us to ask for at the bargaining table this year. We're ready to start negotiations, contract expires in Dec. blech.

What a beautiful day. 50 and sunny and the air is pure autumn. So much autumn, full of rotting and molding leaves that I had a raging asthma attack, but I can still appreciate the beauty. I got to sleep late, until 8 this morning because I had to stay home for the familly trust conference call at 9. I awoke to the smell of dog poop. Chances is having some sort of intestinal problem (again) and has been pooping in the house for the past few days. Man oh man does it smell foul. This is a small bedroom we're talking about, folks. Of course, when she poops in the hallway during the day it stinks up the whole living room too. Oh well, I cleaned it up and sprayed it with my current favorite, OdoBan, opened the window wide and voila! good as new. Had the conference call, during which we forced ourselves to talk for 20 minutes even though we had little to say. Then the dogs ran away. I called and called after a while. Jackson returned but the brown girls were gone. Finally a man knocked on my door to tell me that he was with a group of schoolchildren from Plattsburgh (he's the bus driver) and my dogs had gone in the bog with them. Swell. I was due to leave for work soon but felt obligated to make an effort to get them. They weren't due out until 11:30, I was due at work at noon. I ended up walking all the way to the top of the bluffs (hence the asthma), where I found the group of kids, maybe 2nd graders, all very excited and very cute, just finishing up lunch and posing for pictures, and my dogs mingling happily with them. The teachers explained that the dogs may have had a snack or two and had loved being part of the group. I gasped that yes, I'm sure they did, they love climbing the bluffs with people and they especially love children. Tess came right to me but Chances hid and had to be dragged over to me. pig. Anyway, I made it down the path and home and got to work 45 minutes late. I'd say the walk was pretty but I didn't really enjoy it--it was faster and farther than I wanted to go and I couldn't breathe very well and I was aggravated by the dogs. But it's a beautiful day and the woods are still very pretty. That's a long walk, though, nearly 3 miles I think. I prefer the bog part of it, just a mile.

My week has been quiet. Working away on data entry and weeding. I've rounded the corner on the final row in the stacks, still in the S's but making progress. I finished the batch of 400 or so of the free CD's we decided to make records for. That turned out not to be so hard after all, just time consuming. Such an interesting batch of stuff! We didn't do records for all 3,000, just the ones we sent to our automated libraries. Now I'm back to working on Schroon Lake's collection (you know, doing the work a clerk should be doing, but not complaining about it). I find it pretty relaxing but hard on my back.

Went to the chiropractor and had him snap my neck. I know, crack, not snap. He's working on my sciatica, but there's only so much that can be done. My trip to RI wasn't as bad for it as I expected it to be but I sat on my jacket as a pillow to tilt my pelvis a bit and that seemed to help. I had some muscle spasms in my shoulders which he worked on. I asked him if acupuncture can help tinnitus and he said it might, depending on the cause. Then he got all excited about my hearing and tested it with some hearing forks. Says I have some hearing loss through the air but my hearing through the vibrations in the bones is ok. That's what I would expect with my tinnitus. So I should go to an audiologist. I'm sour on them because the one I used to go out with in RI was such a jerk--but that was 20 years ago and I should move on, huh. As I said to the chirop., I'd just like to hear what silence sounds like.

I got my house so hot one night with the stove fired up that I had to open the door and cool it off. It was Weds. and I was headed to Ken's so I knew it would cool off some by the time I got home but it was pretty funny. Turns out it had been a sunny day and I had left the fire going when I went to work, so the combined effect must have been a strain on the poor dogs. Ken is fine. We had a nice evening together. Ham steaks and macaroni and cheese, plus green beans. He proudly bought Oreos because he's decided those are my favorite cookies. I suppose they are, but I really like good homemade chocolate chip cookies, and oatmeal raisin cookies are good too.

I've been feeling pretty good this week. Liza and I had some good Henry time over the weekend. Talked about him, thought about him. He's everywhere in that house for me, as he is for her, and we talked about that. We cried but we also laughed, as we always do, and she talked about her feelings more than she sometimes does. I liked that. We talked about how much we love each other, just so that we would both know. We talked about whether she should sell her house and buy something near me but I said I thought she should stay there for as long as she can--it's her home, it's where she likes to be, Mark lives there and she'd have to live alone if she lived near me (but where it's warmer). We talked about her sister's situation--Alzheimers and moving to a retirement community but incapable of getting rid of anything that she's collected over the past 40 years. We laughed about being in that situation ourselves. I think we both felt better at the end of the weekend, and we're looking forward to Thanksgiving, when we'll have a little more time together.

And now I have to get to work, if only for a few hours. This weekend is supposed to be really nice, 50's and sunny. I hope to get some winter prep. work done. Remove the screen door, finish stacking firewood (I only have about 4 wheelbarrow loads left to do, then I'd like to move some of last year's wood into the shed), put the mower away, put the furniture under the deck, here's the big one: close the boat house. yuck. big job. I can't do camp by myself so Jim and Keela will have to do that one. Sat. night Lin and I are going out to dinner, which I'm looking forward to. We'll go to Rustique, my new favorite restaurant. I won't feel obligated to take any long walks, I just did that.

"Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results. "

This comes from http://www.tickle.com, where you can get your free IQ test. Let's just say that my IQ isn't what it used to be and that I never believed algebra would help me in my adult life, but now I see that it would help me score higher on internet IQ tests if I'd ever learned it in junior high school. But they put me in that teach-yourself program and I was incapable of learning it on my own so there you go.

I went to RI for the weekend. We had a good time, really enjoyed being together, Mark, Liza and I. Liza told me all about the Rankins--I mean all about the Rankins. They're impossible, and having an impossible time packing up the things from their home of 40 years. Like, they're refusing to deal with it in a rational way. I had to talk to both of them on the phone on Sunday, which is a strain on me because they're not kind to my mother so naturally I don't care much for them. It's hard for me to feel sorry for them for many reasons, but mostly I'm protective of my mother. Anyway, we did other things that were fun, and we spent a lot of time sitting in the living room having nice visits. We ate lobsters, clams and mussels and we went shopping a little. Yesterday morning we went bulb shopping and found tons of wonderful bulbs. I'm thinking of putting up window boxes under my living room windows and putting spring bulbs in them, figuring that they'll come up and bloom long before anything else does, so I bought some crocuses, tete a tete daffodils, something else new, and then some indoor bulbs that are hard to find but smell delicious and Liza and I always used to give each other. I left yesterday at noon so I could be in Keeseville by 7 to pick up Jackson, who had been boarded at the vet's. It was a short trip to RI--I'd only been there since Sat. afternoon, but it was good to go. It's hard to be in that house, Henry is everywhere for both Liza and me, and we talked about that. We agreed that every time we look out our windows we think of him, when we look at the vistas he created with his chain saw. His living legacy.

It was cold when I got home--the house was 50, and it took about 4 hours to get it up to 64, with a fire and the heat on. Tess was thrilled to be home and to be with Jackson again. It turns out she just adores him. She started wagging her tail like mad when she saw him. She wanted to go to bed at about 9 but I didn't get in bed until 1. It was 27 last night with a heavy frost. We're done with whatever semblance of early fall we had. I'm making a commitment to fires now, burning the first load of wood I got in June. I'll have to work with last year's wood--it's like an orchestra, working with the 3 wood piles I have. First we hear from the string section, then percussion, then winds.

And now I'm back at work, getting ready to gear up for the week. The director leaves this morning for the rest of the week for the statewide library conference. There was a board meeting last night, and if she's planning to pursue her charges against me presumably she would meet with the board about it in executive session. I was wondering if she would do that, but there wasn't a quorum last night so she didn't have an opportunity to do that if she had intended to. So another month goes by without my knowing what she plans to do. I'm hoping that her feedback from the board president is that it would be too expensive to go forward, since they've already spent a fortune in legal fees and still have no paper in my file.

I just had to speak with a member of the AuSable Forks library board about automating their library. He was impressed with how much I knew and how well I expressed myself. "How long have you been here?" Twenty years. "That's all? You know so much!" well, geez, I hope I do. to the director: "Where did you find her?" Director: "I didn't have that pleasure." As if she would have hired me. Well, maybe she would have, who knows.