The times they are a-changin'

Spring is such a tricky time for me. First I feel really good: happy, productive, full of energy and enthusiasm. Then I feel as I do now: obsessive, sad, not interested in doing much of anything. My psychiatrist's notes say "Depression, April-June." So at least I'm prepared. We'll make some adjustments (he'll call me back today) and things will improve. In the meantime I latch onto things and it's pretty gloomy. The slightest bit of negative event or comment sends me into a tailspin and I obsess over it, sure I'm worthless and a bad, nasty person. Of course we all know I'm not, and then I spend a lot of time lining up lists of people who like me, in defense of myself. A worthless, wasteful exercise.

This is always precipitated by an event, and I guess it's an event of my own doing, most likely at work. Was this year as well. I have to take responsibility for it--you think I'd learn, but this was a really stupid e-mail mistake, sent to the wrong person ohboy be really careful people there's no privacy and you don't own your emails. Anyway, I can charm myself out of almost any situation and ended up having a good laugh with the director. Not about the email, that's for sure, but at the end of the "session."

Other than that work is fine. I'm doing systematic authority work, which I really enjoy but which, let's face it, makes me drowsy after a while. It's sort of slow as far as other things go. I have to spend $4500 on professional materials--books only by 5/31. Have lists from 3 other people but those only total about half the amount. It's not so easy to find recently published stuff, and it sucks to build a collection this way because of course everything will be outdated at the same time in a few years. But we'll take what we can get when we get these grants. So the search continues. Am really running out of places to look for information for small public libraries about construction, ADA compliance, administration, budgeting, collection development--focusing on cooperative collection development, service to special populations, and oh the list goes on.

This weekend is supposed to be rainy and dismal. Must ready the boat house porch anyway in case our book group really does want to meet there. Supposed to be 57 but maybe sunny in the afternoon. We'll see.

I had a great time last Sunday, went kayaking with a friend. That was a real highlight and made me feel great. We paddled up to the head of the lake, about a mile or so from our camp. I got into and out of the kayak without incident. It was a beautiful sunny day but pretty cool with a cold wind. I loved it that there were people on top of the bluffs as we paddled by. It's always fun to be the person doing the thing you wish you were doing when you're looking down at the inviting, deeply blue lake. Anyway, what a great time we had.

Am doing some weeding this week--bookmobile has been off the road for a month and the 2 clerks are extremely restless so the driver is helping me, checking on # of circs and last time circulated. This is a great system.

On to better things, I hope.