I saw the coolest thing yesterday on my way to work. There was a very red doe standing next to the road, and standing next to her was a totally white fawn. All white. So pretty, so magical. It wasn't an albino because its eyes were very dark and surrounded by black eyeliner, just as its mother's were, and its nose was very dark as well. How cute and special. I thought of it as a good luck omen, but then I got very depressed and cried most of the rest of the way to work, thinking about my brother and how much I miss him. So much for something good happening that will carry you through the day!
I miss my brother a lot now because there are things he would be doing at camp, and this is a weekend he would probably be coming here to do them. There are projects he could work on, and he would have liked doing them, fixing his camp, making a contribution and making the place better. I feel very sad that he died because there were many things that he wanted to do, there was so much he wanted to live for and he was looking forward to the rest of his life. And of course I miss him very much. I wanted to tell him about the white fawn. He would have thought that was pretty cool.
It's still hot and muggy but only in the 80's not 90 right now. I'm sleeping at home. The last time I slept at the boat house was Tuesday night. I couldn't get to sleep and neither could the dogs. They paced all over the bed and I tossed and turned in the dark until after 1:00. Maybe I need to ingest lest caffeine, or maybe I'm struggling with things in my mind, or maybe I'm just not a warm weather person. Last night I slept better, in my bed with my window open, listening to the occasional sound of the forest.
Roger Douglas stopped by last night, looking for his sweet cat Marius. I got to chat with Roger, who is really one of the nicest people I know. I haven't seen him in months. He said his father Leroy is having a very bad time and there's really something wrong with him (well, we all knew that a long time ago). Roger has always worked for his father in the summer but said he quit on Tuesday, couldn't take his father's behavior anymore. His brother-in-law quit yesterday. That's even more amazing. This is really big news in the neighborhood. Also very scary, Leroy on the loose. We always count on Roger to help keep Leroy under control.
No one coming to camp this weekend, unusual for the 4th. Cousin Elsa may show up, she sometimes does. I have a lot going on. Linda and Erdvilas arrive tomorrow night, as do the women from Balto. Saturday morning the shoreowners' association does a road cleanup, followed by a cookout at noon. Sunday is special noon dinner at Joe and Martha's--that will be big and fancy. Monday I'm hoping for some dock time. Steve said he should be able to work on my deck this weekend. Roger is a contractor and asked me about my deck yesterday, I could tell he thought I should have asked him to do it. At the rate Steve's going, I think he was right. I've got some other work I'd like to get done and I think I might ask Roger to do it. I'd love to have my bathtub functioning again.
We reached a tentative settlement with the board in negotiations on Tuesday night. It's a really good agreement for our unit and I'm really happy with it. I think it went really well mostly because the director (INTERIM director, that is) was out of town so it was just 2 rational board members and a rational attorney (is that an oxymoron?). They suggested we leave out the drug/alcohol use policy that we have struggled and argued over for hours (which was what we suggested doing in the first place) and they agreed to our demand that those of us who have never contributed to our health insurance coverage continue to not pay. We got a 3% increase for each of the 3 years of the contract, which isn't much but it's up from the 2% that they said was their absolute bottom line. We proved to them that the cost of living index was 2.91%. Doubtless we'll lose money in real salaries in years 2 and 3 but at least we have a contract we can present to the unit that they'll actually ratify. And this is my last round of negotiations, since I am no longer president of the unit effective tomorrow. Yes!! The way the new officers went about running for office was mean-spirited and cruel, but the end result is all right with me and I didn't run for re-election. I am feeling good about not having to deal with being president any more. It's been 5 or 6 years, I forget how many, and it's been so nasty and contentious dealing with this director that I'm happy to be rid of it. Of course, we're getting a new director who doubtless will be more rational. Some of the members think I was the problem, which is what is upsetting to Julie and me (she was the vice president), they never heard about the things the director did, or realized that we were just holding the line, not picking the fights. But that's in the past and you can't control what people conclude when they don't have the facts.
Today it's more opera videos to catalog for Lake Placid. Does anybody every watch these? I have a feeling I'm spending hours and hours cataloging these so they can sit on the shelf and never get used. But it doesn't matter, this is my job and I do it.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
It's very hot, hot, hot
It's been hot for days. 93 on Saturday. I stayed in the boat house Friday and Saturday nights, but the back bedroom downstairs in my house was very cool last night (I slept under a comforter, even) because it's up against the woods, which cools it off a whole lot. I had a very unproductive weekend. Saturday it was too hot for me to do anything. I decided that I wouldn't do anything at home so I stayed at camp. I sat on the boat house porch for most of the morning, then moved to the big rock to catch the sun in the afternoon. I discovered that someone had built a fire on the rock sometime during the winter and it's covered with leftover char. Yucca pucca. I really hate the thought of someone's hanging out at our boat house during the winter, but there's not much we can do about it. Anyway, I enjoyed myself a whole lot, as did the Brown Girls. We all swam a bunch in water that is cold but not too cold, just refreshing enough. I loved it.
Sunday I hosted Sunday dinner but Bill did all the work. My cousin Bill and my cousin Anne's husband Jim put in the boat house dock and Sonci's dock in the morning (Tess said "DOCKS! I'm standing on a DOCK!"). Bill and I had invited The Boys from the camp below my house, so I was really happy to get to spend time with them. As previously noted, I really like them a lot. They loved having wine and cheese on the b.h. porch before dinner and hanging out on camp's porch for a long time after dinner. They looked really cute, all lined up in the chairs facing the lake. It was cool and wonderful and they didn't leave until after 3. I stayed to wash the dishes, went home at 4 and took a long nap with Jackson and the chocolates.
Today it's hot still, due to be 90. I went to the doctor this morning. He is my friend. He burst into the room, announcing "I hate this weather!" Then we had a long talk about Tom Cruise and Scientology and their misguided views on psychiatry and chemical imbalances. My bad cholesterol level is down from 109 to 67. He was thrilled, I was surprised. It's due to my increased activity level, we guessed. Mowing the lawn, walking the dogs. I suppose if I lived in a warmer climate overall health would be better, assuming I were active all year. Anyway, I haven't lost weight but my pants fit better. He says I'm converting fat to muscle. I said he was exaggerating. I like a doctor who is excited and optimistic. We talked about the interview we both heard on the Today show this morning. he heard it while he was doing rounds at the nursing home (see? I said he was a wonderful doctor--who else would do such a dismal job). Matt Lauer interviewing Tom Cruise, followed by the President of the American Psychiatric Association. All the buzz.
And now I must catalog an interesting mix for Ticonderoga. Some audio books, some fiction, some really strange stuff. And have another cup of coffee before I switch to Diet Coke. Must try the new version of Diet Coke, which is rumored to taste just like regular Coke. But I really like the taste of Diet Coke...
It's been hot for days. 93 on Saturday. I stayed in the boat house Friday and Saturday nights, but the back bedroom downstairs in my house was very cool last night (I slept under a comforter, even) because it's up against the woods, which cools it off a whole lot. I had a very unproductive weekend. Saturday it was too hot for me to do anything. I decided that I wouldn't do anything at home so I stayed at camp. I sat on the boat house porch for most of the morning, then moved to the big rock to catch the sun in the afternoon. I discovered that someone had built a fire on the rock sometime during the winter and it's covered with leftover char. Yucca pucca. I really hate the thought of someone's hanging out at our boat house during the winter, but there's not much we can do about it. Anyway, I enjoyed myself a whole lot, as did the Brown Girls. We all swam a bunch in water that is cold but not too cold, just refreshing enough. I loved it.
Sunday I hosted Sunday dinner but Bill did all the work. My cousin Bill and my cousin Anne's husband Jim put in the boat house dock and Sonci's dock in the morning (Tess said "DOCKS! I'm standing on a DOCK!"). Bill and I had invited The Boys from the camp below my house, so I was really happy to get to spend time with them. As previously noted, I really like them a lot. They loved having wine and cheese on the b.h. porch before dinner and hanging out on camp's porch for a long time after dinner. They looked really cute, all lined up in the chairs facing the lake. It was cool and wonderful and they didn't leave until after 3. I stayed to wash the dishes, went home at 4 and took a long nap with Jackson and the chocolates.
Today it's hot still, due to be 90. I went to the doctor this morning. He is my friend. He burst into the room, announcing "I hate this weather!" Then we had a long talk about Tom Cruise and Scientology and their misguided views on psychiatry and chemical imbalances. My bad cholesterol level is down from 109 to 67. He was thrilled, I was surprised. It's due to my increased activity level, we guessed. Mowing the lawn, walking the dogs. I suppose if I lived in a warmer climate overall health would be better, assuming I were active all year. Anyway, I haven't lost weight but my pants fit better. He says I'm converting fat to muscle. I said he was exaggerating. I like a doctor who is excited and optimistic. We talked about the interview we both heard on the Today show this morning. he heard it while he was doing rounds at the nursing home (see? I said he was a wonderful doctor--who else would do such a dismal job). Matt Lauer interviewing Tom Cruise, followed by the President of the American Psychiatric Association. All the buzz.
And now I must catalog an interesting mix for Ticonderoga. Some audio books, some fiction, some really strange stuff. And have another cup of coffee before I switch to Diet Coke. Must try the new version of Diet Coke, which is rumored to taste just like regular Coke. But I really like the taste of Diet Coke...
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Last night I dreamed that I cried and cried because it was my anniversary. In reality I did not cry but I did recognize that it was my anniversary and my ex-husband is soon getting married. This doesn't bother me emotionally but it's one of those societal things: one member of the couple is moving on relationship-wise and the other is not. Do I think he's doing better than I am? No, in fact I think the opposite. Do I really care if people think he is? No, I don't, but there's still part of me that is Barbie-and-Ken influenced from the outside of my psyche. The pressure of our couple-defined culture. And so, based on my dream I would say this is more powerful in me than I realized. But today I could give a shit and I have moved on.
I couldn't get to sleep until 1:00 but I had a really good time watching Michael Keaton on David Letterman last night. He had been banned from the show, I'd heard because he booked Leno and Letterman for the same week and Letterman was really pissed about it. It's been years since he was on the show and I love to watch him interact with Letterman. He was at his best and I was entertained. Not sleepy, but entertained. This was after watching Michael Sidaris read a really good excerpt from his fable on Jon Stewart's show. But then all of a sudden it was 1 and I was not sleepy. That might have worked for me but the dogs, notable Tess woke at 4:30 and would not settle down. I glanced at the clock and thought it was 5:30 so decided it would be ok to get up, close enough to 6, thus nearly time to arise for work. When I took a good look at the clock, however, I squawked. Too late, both dogs were by now stirring. I got up at 5 and took all three for a walk to camp. The sun was up over the mountain but the lake was not calm. Tess had the best ever walk, running around like crazy. We woke up a deer at the top of the camp hill, in the woods. It took off like a shot into the woods, making a huge racket. I found myself almost wishing we'd run into either the Viscontis, my neighbors across the hardtop, or one of "the boys" who are in camp at the foot of my hill. This amused me, who loves to have the world to myself.
The boys are former campers who are here to open their camp but mostly to have a good time together. They gather each spring and fall to open and close their camp. They remind me of Henry and his friends when they all got along. These guys are in their 50's but act like 11 year olds when they're together. They are so cute I love to be around them. One is a judge, one runs his own business administering nursing homes, one is a wealthy retiree, one is a children's author from Marin County and I don't know what the other does but he's very cute. All but one are married to their original wives. They don't include me in their activities very often because it's basically a boys' club down there, but I run into them at Ken's or on the road sometimes. I didn't really expect to see anyone this morning, but I was sort of hoping to see Duncan, who jogs and is really the cutest, most lovable and universally adored of the bunch.
So this morning I was very groggy on the way to work and instead of listening to my book I cranked Pink up loudly and sang along to her songs (Let's get this party started!). When I got to work I could barely keep my eyes open, what a struggle it was! Now I've had at least 3 cups of coffee and am listening to Internet radio, the 80's--a switch from my usual music, which is keeping me pretty perky. I'm cataloging some very old and depressing children's books for Lake Placid. No library should have children's books published in the '20s or a set published in 1902, least of all a library here in the North Country.
Last night we had a negotiating session. The board has really been pushing their package deal, which includes an offer of a 2% raise and a contribution to our health insurance costs. The husband of one of our team members put together a huge spreadsheet which illustrates how much money we would lose if we accepted their package. The cost of living index is now at 2.91%. His figures were great, and I handed them out at the end of the session to give the board something to chew on. They met after we adjourned. The difference between their offer and our counter-offer is $40,000 over 3 years, so we're hoping they'll at least consider it. But I'm a foolish optimist. I'd just really like to settle this contract.
And now back to 1902.
I couldn't get to sleep until 1:00 but I had a really good time watching Michael Keaton on David Letterman last night. He had been banned from the show, I'd heard because he booked Leno and Letterman for the same week and Letterman was really pissed about it. It's been years since he was on the show and I love to watch him interact with Letterman. He was at his best and I was entertained. Not sleepy, but entertained. This was after watching Michael Sidaris read a really good excerpt from his fable on Jon Stewart's show. But then all of a sudden it was 1 and I was not sleepy. That might have worked for me but the dogs, notable Tess woke at 4:30 and would not settle down. I glanced at the clock and thought it was 5:30 so decided it would be ok to get up, close enough to 6, thus nearly time to arise for work. When I took a good look at the clock, however, I squawked. Too late, both dogs were by now stirring. I got up at 5 and took all three for a walk to camp. The sun was up over the mountain but the lake was not calm. Tess had the best ever walk, running around like crazy. We woke up a deer at the top of the camp hill, in the woods. It took off like a shot into the woods, making a huge racket. I found myself almost wishing we'd run into either the Viscontis, my neighbors across the hardtop, or one of "the boys" who are in camp at the foot of my hill. This amused me, who loves to have the world to myself.
The boys are former campers who are here to open their camp but mostly to have a good time together. They gather each spring and fall to open and close their camp. They remind me of Henry and his friends when they all got along. These guys are in their 50's but act like 11 year olds when they're together. They are so cute I love to be around them. One is a judge, one runs his own business administering nursing homes, one is a wealthy retiree, one is a children's author from Marin County and I don't know what the other does but he's very cute. All but one are married to their original wives. They don't include me in their activities very often because it's basically a boys' club down there, but I run into them at Ken's or on the road sometimes. I didn't really expect to see anyone this morning, but I was sort of hoping to see Duncan, who jogs and is really the cutest, most lovable and universally adored of the bunch.
So this morning I was very groggy on the way to work and instead of listening to my book I cranked Pink up loudly and sang along to her songs (Let's get this party started!). When I got to work I could barely keep my eyes open, what a struggle it was! Now I've had at least 3 cups of coffee and am listening to Internet radio, the 80's--a switch from my usual music, which is keeping me pretty perky. I'm cataloging some very old and depressing children's books for Lake Placid. No library should have children's books published in the '20s or a set published in 1902, least of all a library here in the North Country.
Last night we had a negotiating session. The board has really been pushing their package deal, which includes an offer of a 2% raise and a contribution to our health insurance costs. The husband of one of our team members put together a huge spreadsheet which illustrates how much money we would lose if we accepted their package. The cost of living index is now at 2.91%. His figures were great, and I handed them out at the end of the session to give the board something to chew on. They met after we adjourned. The difference between their offer and our counter-offer is $40,000 over 3 years, so we're hoping they'll at least consider it. But I'm a foolish optimist. I'd just really like to settle this contract.
And now back to 1902.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
June 22nd: 20th wedding anniversary
I only know this because the date leaps out at me from the calendar. Someone asked me if it means anything to me, if it's an emotional day for me. No, not in the least. I just can't believe that 20 years have gone by since I got married, and yet I can. A lot has happened in 20 years. I can't believe that it's been 10 years since he moved out, that's harder to believe. Of course, he was still very much involved in my life for 2 or so years after he left, and we've only been divorced for 2 years. My life is so much my own life now, and has been for so long, that my marriage happened to someone else, a person who was very different from the person I am now. I am a more complete person now, someone who understands much about herself and can handle the things that happen to her. I know who cares about me and how they care about me, and I know how much I need to have someone care about me. I know how to ask for help when I need it--though I am loathe to do so. I love to be alone, I love living alone but I also understand that I have a need to be with other people sometimes (thank goodness--I would worry about myself if I didn't have this need). I have friends, enough of them so that when something happens to me they call and show up to help me. This is who I have become.
And today is a beautiful day, a perfect 70-degree day. This is the weather I crave. I took Monday off (because it was going to be a beautiful day, but mostly because the director was going to be at work that day). It was 80, a little hot for me. I was relatively productive. Mowed and weed-whacked. I used Lin's self-propelled mower and was able to mow my lawn and all around my driveway in a fraction of the time it would have taken with my mower. I love her mower. I did not get my garden dug out from under the canopy of grass it is now hidden under. This is the most disagreeable chore now facing me. I did read in the sun for a long time, which is one of my favorite activities. I'm reading Running with scissors, a memoir that our book group has chosen. It's hard to believe this is someone's life, and yet it's also so strange that it's not hard to believe. Monday evening Stevie came to work on my deck. He took down the deck and stairs that lead to the mud room. It looks totally naked over there now. He's going to tie the stairs and mud room door in to the front deck.
Had a good weekend, though the weather was cool. It was 42 Sunday morning, too cool for June I think. Jenica and Drew slept in the boat house, I stayed home under many covers and with a brown girl at my feet and another at my side. Saturday I prepared most of the meal for Sunday dinner, as I hosted it at Sonci. Chicken/potato salad with dill and olives. Cole slaw. What was supposed to be a delicious peach pie in a coconut crust but didn't turn out the way I envisioned it AT ALL. The fete was a success, though, and we had 7 people on the porch enjoying each other and the view. It was very nice. I got to hear about Joe's trip to Iceland, a place I've wanted to visit for the last 30 years. He says there are no trees there. OK, so I wouldn't want to live there, just visit.
The cousins had planned to come last weekend to put in the docks, but due to the weather they have rescheduled for this weekend. This weekend's weather doesn't look much better. We'll see what happens. At least the water's in so we can use the kitchen and flush the toilet. I can't believe how close we are to July. Much work will be done on camp for Jamie's rehearsal party the night before his wedding, I'm sure. That will be nice for us, we can all enjoy a new improved camp. It can use a good cleaning. I'll be at Erdvilas' birthday party that night.
This morning I went to the dump (after first stopping at camp to pick up the garbage there), then to the blood place to have my blood tested, and still got to work only 5 minutes late. I would have been on time if I'd gone to the other blood place, where I always go, but I tried the different place. Turns out all the old people go to this place and there are a lot of them and they move slowly. Won't go there again and don't want to get like that.
Have a negotiating session tonight. Two scheduled before I am no longer president of the bargaining unit. What happens after that I don't know. We have an elaborate chart that shows how much money we lose if we accept their salary offer, which is less than the cost of inflation. And how much more we lose if we contribute 5% to the cost of our health care, as they want us to. They'll be surprised that we're so well prepared. I'm not looking forward to this, have enjoyed the hiatus we've had, but don't know why we haven't been meeting for the past several weeks.
Tonight is dinner with Ken. Hamburgers and frozen fries. He's very busy these days, mowing and cutting up a big maple that came down. A happy man who's got too much to do.
I only know this because the date leaps out at me from the calendar. Someone asked me if it means anything to me, if it's an emotional day for me. No, not in the least. I just can't believe that 20 years have gone by since I got married, and yet I can. A lot has happened in 20 years. I can't believe that it's been 10 years since he moved out, that's harder to believe. Of course, he was still very much involved in my life for 2 or so years after he left, and we've only been divorced for 2 years. My life is so much my own life now, and has been for so long, that my marriage happened to someone else, a person who was very different from the person I am now. I am a more complete person now, someone who understands much about herself and can handle the things that happen to her. I know who cares about me and how they care about me, and I know how much I need to have someone care about me. I know how to ask for help when I need it--though I am loathe to do so. I love to be alone, I love living alone but I also understand that I have a need to be with other people sometimes (thank goodness--I would worry about myself if I didn't have this need). I have friends, enough of them so that when something happens to me they call and show up to help me. This is who I have become.
And today is a beautiful day, a perfect 70-degree day. This is the weather I crave. I took Monday off (because it was going to be a beautiful day, but mostly because the director was going to be at work that day). It was 80, a little hot for me. I was relatively productive. Mowed and weed-whacked. I used Lin's self-propelled mower and was able to mow my lawn and all around my driveway in a fraction of the time it would have taken with my mower. I love her mower. I did not get my garden dug out from under the canopy of grass it is now hidden under. This is the most disagreeable chore now facing me. I did read in the sun for a long time, which is one of my favorite activities. I'm reading Running with scissors, a memoir that our book group has chosen. It's hard to believe this is someone's life, and yet it's also so strange that it's not hard to believe. Monday evening Stevie came to work on my deck. He took down the deck and stairs that lead to the mud room. It looks totally naked over there now. He's going to tie the stairs and mud room door in to the front deck.
Had a good weekend, though the weather was cool. It was 42 Sunday morning, too cool for June I think. Jenica and Drew slept in the boat house, I stayed home under many covers and with a brown girl at my feet and another at my side. Saturday I prepared most of the meal for Sunday dinner, as I hosted it at Sonci. Chicken/potato salad with dill and olives. Cole slaw. What was supposed to be a delicious peach pie in a coconut crust but didn't turn out the way I envisioned it AT ALL. The fete was a success, though, and we had 7 people on the porch enjoying each other and the view. It was very nice. I got to hear about Joe's trip to Iceland, a place I've wanted to visit for the last 30 years. He says there are no trees there. OK, so I wouldn't want to live there, just visit.
The cousins had planned to come last weekend to put in the docks, but due to the weather they have rescheduled for this weekend. This weekend's weather doesn't look much better. We'll see what happens. At least the water's in so we can use the kitchen and flush the toilet. I can't believe how close we are to July. Much work will be done on camp for Jamie's rehearsal party the night before his wedding, I'm sure. That will be nice for us, we can all enjoy a new improved camp. It can use a good cleaning. I'll be at Erdvilas' birthday party that night.
This morning I went to the dump (after first stopping at camp to pick up the garbage there), then to the blood place to have my blood tested, and still got to work only 5 minutes late. I would have been on time if I'd gone to the other blood place, where I always go, but I tried the different place. Turns out all the old people go to this place and there are a lot of them and they move slowly. Won't go there again and don't want to get like that.
Have a negotiating session tonight. Two scheduled before I am no longer president of the bargaining unit. What happens after that I don't know. We have an elaborate chart that shows how much money we lose if we accept their salary offer, which is less than the cost of inflation. And how much more we lose if we contribute 5% to the cost of our health care, as they want us to. They'll be surprised that we're so well prepared. I'm not looking forward to this, have enjoyed the hiatus we've had, but don't know why we haven't been meeting for the past several weeks.
Tonight is dinner with Ken. Hamburgers and frozen fries. He's very busy these days, mowing and cutting up a big maple that came down. A happy man who's got too much to do.
Friday, June 17, 2005
I tagged Ken for the memory game and here's his memory:
"My first trip to AuSable Forks. It was summer and I was 5 years old [so this would have been 1919]. Dad and I left in the early morning, headed there with a pair of work horses. There was a dirt road to town and you had to drive the horses to steer them around the rocks in the road. We had a lunch packed by Ma--lamb sandwiches.
There were soda crackers and cheese out at the supply store for the customers to eat and we helped ourselves. If you didn't have a lunch that would be your lunch. There was a loading dock all around the outside of the store. When we got there we gave our order to the clerk and he put our things in a certain spot. Our order included things for my grandfather's store [his grandfather's store was where his house now stands] like coffee, tea, lard, sugar, and things for the campers. There were only about a half-dozen campers then, nothing like there are now.
We left home at 5 in the morning, got to town at 9. On the way home the horses were slowly plogging along under the heavy load. There was a wood block about 10 inches long and 6 inches in diameter, with a hole in the middle. It was my job to put a stick in the hole and put the block behind the rear wheel when my Dad would holler "Whoa!" and the horses would stop to rest. This kept the wagon still. Going up the Black Brook hill took about an hour with a full load and the horses had to rest every hundred feet or so.
When we got home it was 8 or 9 at night and the sun was just going down. You were living on top of the world when you went to the Forks."
"My first trip to AuSable Forks. It was summer and I was 5 years old [so this would have been 1919]. Dad and I left in the early morning, headed there with a pair of work horses. There was a dirt road to town and you had to drive the horses to steer them around the rocks in the road. We had a lunch packed by Ma--lamb sandwiches.
There were soda crackers and cheese out at the supply store for the customers to eat and we helped ourselves. If you didn't have a lunch that would be your lunch. There was a loading dock all around the outside of the store. When we got there we gave our order to the clerk and he put our things in a certain spot. Our order included things for my grandfather's store [his grandfather's store was where his house now stands] like coffee, tea, lard, sugar, and things for the campers. There were only about a half-dozen campers then, nothing like there are now.
We left home at 5 in the morning, got to town at 9. On the way home the horses were slowly plogging along under the heavy load. There was a wood block about 10 inches long and 6 inches in diameter, with a hole in the middle. It was my job to put a stick in the hole and put the block behind the rear wheel when my Dad would holler "Whoa!" and the horses would stop to rest. This kept the wagon still. Going up the Black Brook hill took about an hour with a full load and the horses had to rest every hundred feet or so.
When we got home it was 8 or 9 at night and the sun was just going down. You were living on top of the world when you went to the Forks."
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Memories:
1. Biloxi, Mississippi. With my brother and sister. It's hot, even though we're used to hot because we live in southern Illinois. We're chasing pieces of paper around the lawn next to the motel where we're staying. It's very exciting--very exciting. We later discover these are just blank receipts, the type a waitress in a diner/restaurant carries. To me they are special, almost forbidden forms, blowing around the ground. Other memories of the trip, which was special because it was a place we went that wasn't the Adirondacks: ocean water that was the strangest color, blue-green. Bad, bad sunburns. Jelly beans hidden around the motel room for Easter, including in the dial of the telephone. New Orleans, where we went to a cemetery and I slipped on a rotten stump that was hollow in the middle. The hole there seemed to go to the middle of the earth. When my mouth hit the stump my loose tooth came out, fell into the hole and disappeared, a very dramatic moment.
2. Lying in a hospital bed. Incredible pain fills my abdomen. Burning, aching, seething pain. Beyond the stupid scale they use when they ask you how bad your pain is. Waiting for the nurse to come with my morphine. The surgeon has just spent 5 hours cutting away my uterus, what was left of the only ovary and fallopian tube I had left, and scraping away as much of my endometriosis as he could. He had to cut around my bladder and colon and vast amounts of scar tissue from two previous surgeries. The whole thing is hell and I am now incapable of having children. I am 37 years old and alone.
3. Playing in the space next to the house at Rome Avenue with my brother and sister in what we called The Little Bill Village. We built elaborate driveways for our model cars and had little tiny people who sat in the drivers' seats. We used doll house furniture to furnish their "houses." We played among the lilies of the valley plants for what seemed like hours, the three of us. vroom vroom, squatting down, kneeling down. To this day when I drive by houses nestled in the woods with a certain type of driveway I say to myself "Little Bill Village."
4. It's the middle of the night, again at Rome Avenue. Early '60's. I wake up, terrified. I hear loud BOOMs, over and over again. It's totally dark and there are no sounds coming from the house. I run from my bedroom to my parents' bedroom, wake them up. "The Russians are bombing Rockford!" We've been told in school that when the Russians attack the United States, Rockford will be one of the first places they will hit because of its importance as a machine-tool producing center (later I learn that people in Rhode Island were told the same thing, their reason was the naval bases and access to New England. People in Plattsburgh were told IT would be hit because of the Air Force Base.). My father, never sympathetic to the fears of his children says "If the Russians were bombing Rockford you'd be doing more than just hearing them. It's a thunderstorm." I ask if I can get in bed with them. My mother very begrudgingly allows me about 6" of space between herself and the edge of the bed. I can't get back to sleep easily but eventually doze off until the storm subsides, then I go back to my own bed, relieved but not convinced we're safe. At night in Rockford from our front steps I can hear the hum of the factories and see the glow of the city. It is not comforting to me.
5. I am sitting in the cure chair, also called the Saranac chair, on the porch of our new boathouse. It is June and few, if any of the camps on the lake are occupied. Our camp has not yet been opened. It's dusk and the lake is inky dark and still. There are no bugs, there is no sound. It is slightly cool--the perfect temperature. I am wearing a large t-shirt, with bare legs. One of my dogs is lying quietly between my knees sleeping and the other is sleeping against the screen on the floor. I am reading by candlelight: there is no electricity on the porch. I have about 6 candles lit, one on each arm of the chair and the rest on the table next to me. I am the only person in the world. I am completely at peace and totally happy.
1. Biloxi, Mississippi. With my brother and sister. It's hot, even though we're used to hot because we live in southern Illinois. We're chasing pieces of paper around the lawn next to the motel where we're staying. It's very exciting--very exciting. We later discover these are just blank receipts, the type a waitress in a diner/restaurant carries. To me they are special, almost forbidden forms, blowing around the ground. Other memories of the trip, which was special because it was a place we went that wasn't the Adirondacks: ocean water that was the strangest color, blue-green. Bad, bad sunburns. Jelly beans hidden around the motel room for Easter, including in the dial of the telephone. New Orleans, where we went to a cemetery and I slipped on a rotten stump that was hollow in the middle. The hole there seemed to go to the middle of the earth. When my mouth hit the stump my loose tooth came out, fell into the hole and disappeared, a very dramatic moment.
2. Lying in a hospital bed. Incredible pain fills my abdomen. Burning, aching, seething pain. Beyond the stupid scale they use when they ask you how bad your pain is. Waiting for the nurse to come with my morphine. The surgeon has just spent 5 hours cutting away my uterus, what was left of the only ovary and fallopian tube I had left, and scraping away as much of my endometriosis as he could. He had to cut around my bladder and colon and vast amounts of scar tissue from two previous surgeries. The whole thing is hell and I am now incapable of having children. I am 37 years old and alone.
3. Playing in the space next to the house at Rome Avenue with my brother and sister in what we called The Little Bill Village. We built elaborate driveways for our model cars and had little tiny people who sat in the drivers' seats. We used doll house furniture to furnish their "houses." We played among the lilies of the valley plants for what seemed like hours, the three of us. vroom vroom, squatting down, kneeling down. To this day when I drive by houses nestled in the woods with a certain type of driveway I say to myself "Little Bill Village."
4. It's the middle of the night, again at Rome Avenue. Early '60's. I wake up, terrified. I hear loud BOOMs, over and over again. It's totally dark and there are no sounds coming from the house. I run from my bedroom to my parents' bedroom, wake them up. "The Russians are bombing Rockford!" We've been told in school that when the Russians attack the United States, Rockford will be one of the first places they will hit because of its importance as a machine-tool producing center (later I learn that people in Rhode Island were told the same thing, their reason was the naval bases and access to New England. People in Plattsburgh were told IT would be hit because of the Air Force Base.). My father, never sympathetic to the fears of his children says "If the Russians were bombing Rockford you'd be doing more than just hearing them. It's a thunderstorm." I ask if I can get in bed with them. My mother very begrudgingly allows me about 6" of space between herself and the edge of the bed. I can't get back to sleep easily but eventually doze off until the storm subsides, then I go back to my own bed, relieved but not convinced we're safe. At night in Rockford from our front steps I can hear the hum of the factories and see the glow of the city. It is not comforting to me.
5. I am sitting in the cure chair, also called the Saranac chair, on the porch of our new boathouse. It is June and few, if any of the camps on the lake are occupied. Our camp has not yet been opened. It's dusk and the lake is inky dark and still. There are no bugs, there is no sound. It is slightly cool--the perfect temperature. I am wearing a large t-shirt, with bare legs. One of my dogs is lying quietly between my knees sleeping and the other is sleeping against the screen on the floor. I am reading by candlelight: there is no electricity on the porch. I have about 6 candles lit, one on each arm of the chair and the rest on the table next to me. I am the only person in the world. I am completely at peace and totally happy.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
Porcupine quills and thunderstorms
I suppose it was just a matter of time before Tess introduced herself to a porcupine. The other day I saw the unmistakable trail of a porcupine across the dirt road and hoped it was dragging its tail away from my house. It may have been, but last night after I heard Tess make a queer noise, sort of a bark/yelp down at the end of the driveway. I went to find her and saw her from about 25 feet with white things sticking out of her nose and chin. Could be nothing else. She was unperturbed but I didn't have the same reaction. It was Thursday night, the vet's were closed. No choice but to remove them myself. Surprisingly, she allowed me to do it. First you have to cut the ends off of the quills, which are filled with air. They won't come out unless you do that. They have small barbs at the ends so you have to yank them quickly out. Sometimes you have to use pliers to get them out. Everything fell into place so nicely (including the quills, pun intended)--I could find the needlenose pliers, Tess let me lock her head between my knees not only to cut the ends off of the quills but also to yank them out. There weren't many, maybe a dozen or so, thankfully. I only drew blood once, the one that was in her shiny chocolate nose, and she yelped when I yanked on that one. The others were in her velvety muzzle, lower lip and chin. Chances was fascinated but kept her distance from the whole operation. Jackson snored. Tess and I were very proud of ourselves. Did she learn a lesson about porcupines? Doubtful. Will the others go through the same thing? Probable. I don't think either of the other dogs will let me do what she did.
I woke in the early morning to the sound of thunder and rain, a favorite sound in the woods. We Rogers tend to be very romantic about rain storms at Silver Lake. I got stranded in my car at Ken's yesterday in a downpour. It was pouring when I pulled into his driveway, and there he was, stuck in his woodshed, waving to me. We stayed in our respective shelters until the rain let up a bit, then went into the house for our visit.
I've been doing the work of my two clerks for the past 3 days. It's work I used to do myself, for 10 years. I got tired of doing it when it was my job and I don't much like doing it now. Besides, doing the work of 3 people is very tiring and not much fun. I'd rather just do my job, which I enjoy and which keeps me too busy. They'll both be back on Monday and will be critical of how I did their work, will gleefully point out my errors, will sigh at my stupidity.
Ken and I had a nice dinner with Ann Hord Coste, a neighbor of the Rogers camp. The Hords and the Rogers have been friends for probably 70 years. Ann is the oldest of the three children in that family--she's about 62 now. Their camp is the prototype for what a camp on Silver Lake should look like. They have a caretaker, and he rakes the woods around the buildings. I've always thought that was ridiculous, but my friends Bill, Fred and Ken do the same thing. Anyway, we had dinner with Ann and it was nice. She, being a caterer is a good cook. She also drinks a lot. Alcohol abuse runs rampant on the north shore of that lake. We had lots of rum for cocktails (Ken said "Hmmm, that's different." He drinks Southern Comfort and whiskey exclusively) with wine at dinner. You really have to put your drinking boots on to socialize in my circle of friends. We're going back there for dinner on Saturday night, so we can watch the Belmont Stakes with her. She's here alone and likes to have company. Ken said she stopped by his house at least 3 times yesterday.
Our power was out for about 4 hours yesterday. It was out when I got to Ken's, which meant he had to have his SoCo with just ice, which didn't really appeal to him but he faced it well. He usually has it with hot water. yuck. When I got home I did a crossword puzzle in total silence. The pump for the fish bowl was off and I'd forgotten how silent my house is without that noise. Very peaceful.
Biggest event of the week happened on Wednesday, when I took the day off so I could mow my lawn. I borrowed Lin's self-propelled, 6 horsepower mower. I love that machine. It took me 2 1/2 hours with that machine to mow the entire lawn, which means it would have taken twice as long with mine. The grass was nearly to my knees in spots. It was awful but now looks wonderful. When I finished Jackson went right to the middle and rolled and rolled and rolled. What a sweet boy, showing his appreciation. Now I have to make my garden look like a garden. After mowing along the stone wall I discovered the lilies I planted in Henry's memory last year are thriving. My 20-year old tea rose is not thriving, however. The central bush is pretty much dead and only the runners are surviving. They're doing well but are growing out into the lawn and I don't think you can transplant them until they're a few years older. So it looks like hell right now and the rose I love to smell is gone. Time marches on. I brought it with me from Rhode Island in 1984, it grew next to my house there.
And now I have the day to do my own work. There's a bit of interlibrary loan clerical work left to do but that won't take long and then I can get back to cataloging the opera DVD's and CD's that await me. In German and Italian, but fortunately the liner notes are in English. Hooray for English.
I suppose it was just a matter of time before Tess introduced herself to a porcupine. The other day I saw the unmistakable trail of a porcupine across the dirt road and hoped it was dragging its tail away from my house. It may have been, but last night after I heard Tess make a queer noise, sort of a bark/yelp down at the end of the driveway. I went to find her and saw her from about 25 feet with white things sticking out of her nose and chin. Could be nothing else. She was unperturbed but I didn't have the same reaction. It was Thursday night, the vet's were closed. No choice but to remove them myself. Surprisingly, she allowed me to do it. First you have to cut the ends off of the quills, which are filled with air. They won't come out unless you do that. They have small barbs at the ends so you have to yank them quickly out. Sometimes you have to use pliers to get them out. Everything fell into place so nicely (including the quills, pun intended)--I could find the needlenose pliers, Tess let me lock her head between my knees not only to cut the ends off of the quills but also to yank them out. There weren't many, maybe a dozen or so, thankfully. I only drew blood once, the one that was in her shiny chocolate nose, and she yelped when I yanked on that one. The others were in her velvety muzzle, lower lip and chin. Chances was fascinated but kept her distance from the whole operation. Jackson snored. Tess and I were very proud of ourselves. Did she learn a lesson about porcupines? Doubtful. Will the others go through the same thing? Probable. I don't think either of the other dogs will let me do what she did.
I woke in the early morning to the sound of thunder and rain, a favorite sound in the woods. We Rogers tend to be very romantic about rain storms at Silver Lake. I got stranded in my car at Ken's yesterday in a downpour. It was pouring when I pulled into his driveway, and there he was, stuck in his woodshed, waving to me. We stayed in our respective shelters until the rain let up a bit, then went into the house for our visit.
I've been doing the work of my two clerks for the past 3 days. It's work I used to do myself, for 10 years. I got tired of doing it when it was my job and I don't much like doing it now. Besides, doing the work of 3 people is very tiring and not much fun. I'd rather just do my job, which I enjoy and which keeps me too busy. They'll both be back on Monday and will be critical of how I did their work, will gleefully point out my errors, will sigh at my stupidity.
Ken and I had a nice dinner with Ann Hord Coste, a neighbor of the Rogers camp. The Hords and the Rogers have been friends for probably 70 years. Ann is the oldest of the three children in that family--she's about 62 now. Their camp is the prototype for what a camp on Silver Lake should look like. They have a caretaker, and he rakes the woods around the buildings. I've always thought that was ridiculous, but my friends Bill, Fred and Ken do the same thing. Anyway, we had dinner with Ann and it was nice. She, being a caterer is a good cook. She also drinks a lot. Alcohol abuse runs rampant on the north shore of that lake. We had lots of rum for cocktails (Ken said "Hmmm, that's different." He drinks Southern Comfort and whiskey exclusively) with wine at dinner. You really have to put your drinking boots on to socialize in my circle of friends. We're going back there for dinner on Saturday night, so we can watch the Belmont Stakes with her. She's here alone and likes to have company. Ken said she stopped by his house at least 3 times yesterday.
Our power was out for about 4 hours yesterday. It was out when I got to Ken's, which meant he had to have his SoCo with just ice, which didn't really appeal to him but he faced it well. He usually has it with hot water. yuck. When I got home I did a crossword puzzle in total silence. The pump for the fish bowl was off and I'd forgotten how silent my house is without that noise. Very peaceful.
Biggest event of the week happened on Wednesday, when I took the day off so I could mow my lawn. I borrowed Lin's self-propelled, 6 horsepower mower. I love that machine. It took me 2 1/2 hours with that machine to mow the entire lawn, which means it would have taken twice as long with mine. The grass was nearly to my knees in spots. It was awful but now looks wonderful. When I finished Jackson went right to the middle and rolled and rolled and rolled. What a sweet boy, showing his appreciation. Now I have to make my garden look like a garden. After mowing along the stone wall I discovered the lilies I planted in Henry's memory last year are thriving. My 20-year old tea rose is not thriving, however. The central bush is pretty much dead and only the runners are surviving. They're doing well but are growing out into the lawn and I don't think you can transplant them until they're a few years older. So it looks like hell right now and the rose I love to smell is gone. Time marches on. I brought it with me from Rhode Island in 1984, it grew next to my house there.
And now I have the day to do my own work. There's a bit of interlibrary loan clerical work left to do but that won't take long and then I can get back to cataloging the opera DVD's and CD's that await me. In German and Italian, but fortunately the liner notes are in English. Hooray for English.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
WHEW!
If last week was any indication of what the summer is going to be like, it'll be a complicated and busy one. Linda and Erdvilas were here, and Bill was at camp a lot. I saw L & E pretty much every night, was at Ken's every evening to treat his eye, and had a complicated weekend. It went from spring to summer in 3 days. There are now leaves on all the trees, the bunchberry is in bloom, which signals the end of the spring season and the beginning of summer. Trillium is going buy and it's time to search for ladies slippers. I have spent the first night of the season in the boat house and the loons were making a HUGE amount of noise at the head of the lake. There were at least two of them and I think there may have been three.
Big news in my neighborhood is that there was a sighting of a moose and her calf just down the road from Fred's camp, about a quarter of a mile from our camp. They left hoof prints to prove their existence to those who did not see them. This is really cool and makes me look all over the place whenever I go out. Moose have a range of at least 50 miles, according to the wildlife biologist I called when I saw moose tracks in the bog a few years ago. I want to see one, really want to see one. I've only seen one at a distance, with Jenica and Jamie once on the way to Burlington.
So the weekend went like this:
Friday night out to dinner with Linda, Erdvilas and Bill at our new favorite restaurant. Although it was a whole lot of fun, I was feeling quiet and subdued. Everyone said it was because I was tired but I don't really know what it was. Maybe the union elections, maybe I was just worn out by the constant social activities of the week. We'd had a big Wednesday night dinner at Linda's. Anyway, dinner was delicious and we had a grand time and spent $200. Plenty of wine, appetizers and of course dessert. After dinner I went back to L & E's, got a jar of Manhattans and went to Ken's with them to treat his eye and visit. Then, finally, home.
Saturday morning I got up at 7:30, picked Lin up at 9 after a quick visit with her dogs and Ralph, plus a tour of her gardens. We went plant shopping at the last greenhouse on our list, one of the ones we really like. I bought some plants for me and some plants to take to the people whose gardens my dogs gravitate to when they escape. They had been there earlier in the week and I had received my second frantic, rather angry phone call of this year telling me my dogs were there, wrecking their garden. I wasn't home to receive the call, I was driving around looking for the dogs. After dropping Lin off I took the plants to said neighbors' house. They live behind a locked gate, so I walked in, carrying the plants. Jim said, "Is this a woman bearing a peace offering?" You bet, I said. They have no electricity, rely on a generator and solar power--by choice. We had a long visit, talking a lot about the dog they just adopted (two years after their beloved old dog died), who was abused, is 7 months old and beautiful but nips. They are working very hard and spending a lot of money trying to turn her into a sweet, sociable dog. She is sweet and may come around eventually. I really like the dog but sure wouldn't want to take her on as a project. Since these people are retired and relatively young they can do this. They told me a lot about their political beliefs, that the problem with the world is overpopulation, the planet is taxed beyond its capability. Everyone with one child should have an abortion when they get pregnant (OK, not quite that bad, but close). She kept saying she used to be a religionist. So that gives you some idea of what talking to her is like. I think she's pretty lonely for company, living the lifestyle he's chosen for them--he calls if "off the grid." But they're very nice and almost forgave me for my dogs bad behavior. He wants me to build a pen for my dogs. They gave me a tour of their gardens, which are totally suburban in design. Tulips in a perfect circle, flowers in neat rows. Just what we in the North Country hate to see. I give them credit, though, they are trying to cover up the scars that building in the woods makes. They planted 25 rosa rugosa bushes (which didn't look as if they took the winters too well) lining their driveway. I was really envious of those. The smell must be really wonderful, like the smell walking to the beach at Liza's.
Saturday night I STAYED HOME.
Sunday Linda, Erd., Bill, Ken and I went to a brunch in Plattsburgh. It was really good but a lot, lot, lot of food. After brunch I came to the library to get the car for my trip on Monday. Then I drove to Wilmington to meet up with book group people (only Martha showed up), then to Lin's camp for our meeting. We read Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons, a bit of a disappointment. The three of us had a grand time together, but ate way too much. After that I went to Ken's to treat his eye, then I went home at last, home at last, thank god almighty home at last.
Yesterday I drove to Canton to a network meeting about the interlibrary loan software we use in the region. I really like the people at the meeting so we had fun. Went to a great Chinese restaurant with a wonderful buffet afterwards, then came home. Started to mow my lawn at last, having borrowed Lin's wonderful, powerful, huge, self-propelled mower (as mine is still not functioning, will not function until after the 9th, when the new part is due). Of course it started to rain. HUGE disappointment.
Went to Ken's for a drink (man am I getting tired of drinking) and to treat his eye (getting tired of doing that, too). Went home, sweet home.
It's been very hot, 80's, and 60 at night. Nearly slept in the boat house last night, but for some reason there's no power at camp so it's all by candlelight in the boat house. Not really a problem but a complication. Since I had to come to work today I opted for staying home. Of course, new episodes of Six Feet Under and Entourage were the main enticements.
And today I'm at my desk, trying to figure out how I can take tomorrow off. Both clerks will be out, on their way to Geneva for a conference. Although it will be really nice to be here without them, it's supposed to be 70 and sunny, a perfect day, and I can mow my lawn. Tomorrow night I'm having dinner with Ken and Ann Hord Coste. She's now a caterer and is cooking for us. She seems to be rather proprietary about Ken, which is fine with me. She brought him a bunch of food yesterday and told him exactly how to cook it (including frozen French fries). He was really pleased and loved the food. I love it when people pay attention to him so welcome any such activity.
And now I must gas up the library car and fill some bookmobile requests, while at home one guppy is languishing and seems to be trying to die. Each time I try to scoop her up with the net she goes into denial and swims furiously to the top of the bowl, circling madly. Die, Darbert, die.
If last week was any indication of what the summer is going to be like, it'll be a complicated and busy one. Linda and Erdvilas were here, and Bill was at camp a lot. I saw L & E pretty much every night, was at Ken's every evening to treat his eye, and had a complicated weekend. It went from spring to summer in 3 days. There are now leaves on all the trees, the bunchberry is in bloom, which signals the end of the spring season and the beginning of summer. Trillium is going buy and it's time to search for ladies slippers. I have spent the first night of the season in the boat house and the loons were making a HUGE amount of noise at the head of the lake. There were at least two of them and I think there may have been three.
Big news in my neighborhood is that there was a sighting of a moose and her calf just down the road from Fred's camp, about a quarter of a mile from our camp. They left hoof prints to prove their existence to those who did not see them. This is really cool and makes me look all over the place whenever I go out. Moose have a range of at least 50 miles, according to the wildlife biologist I called when I saw moose tracks in the bog a few years ago. I want to see one, really want to see one. I've only seen one at a distance, with Jenica and Jamie once on the way to Burlington.
So the weekend went like this:
Friday night out to dinner with Linda, Erdvilas and Bill at our new favorite restaurant. Although it was a whole lot of fun, I was feeling quiet and subdued. Everyone said it was because I was tired but I don't really know what it was. Maybe the union elections, maybe I was just worn out by the constant social activities of the week. We'd had a big Wednesday night dinner at Linda's. Anyway, dinner was delicious and we had a grand time and spent $200. Plenty of wine, appetizers and of course dessert. After dinner I went back to L & E's, got a jar of Manhattans and went to Ken's with them to treat his eye and visit. Then, finally, home.
Saturday morning I got up at 7:30, picked Lin up at 9 after a quick visit with her dogs and Ralph, plus a tour of her gardens. We went plant shopping at the last greenhouse on our list, one of the ones we really like. I bought some plants for me and some plants to take to the people whose gardens my dogs gravitate to when they escape. They had been there earlier in the week and I had received my second frantic, rather angry phone call of this year telling me my dogs were there, wrecking their garden. I wasn't home to receive the call, I was driving around looking for the dogs. After dropping Lin off I took the plants to said neighbors' house. They live behind a locked gate, so I walked in, carrying the plants. Jim said, "Is this a woman bearing a peace offering?" You bet, I said. They have no electricity, rely on a generator and solar power--by choice. We had a long visit, talking a lot about the dog they just adopted (two years after their beloved old dog died), who was abused, is 7 months old and beautiful but nips. They are working very hard and spending a lot of money trying to turn her into a sweet, sociable dog. She is sweet and may come around eventually. I really like the dog but sure wouldn't want to take her on as a project. Since these people are retired and relatively young they can do this. They told me a lot about their political beliefs, that the problem with the world is overpopulation, the planet is taxed beyond its capability. Everyone with one child should have an abortion when they get pregnant (OK, not quite that bad, but close). She kept saying she used to be a religionist. So that gives you some idea of what talking to her is like. I think she's pretty lonely for company, living the lifestyle he's chosen for them--he calls if "off the grid." But they're very nice and almost forgave me for my dogs bad behavior. He wants me to build a pen for my dogs. They gave me a tour of their gardens, which are totally suburban in design. Tulips in a perfect circle, flowers in neat rows. Just what we in the North Country hate to see. I give them credit, though, they are trying to cover up the scars that building in the woods makes. They planted 25 rosa rugosa bushes (which didn't look as if they took the winters too well) lining their driveway. I was really envious of those. The smell must be really wonderful, like the smell walking to the beach at Liza's.
Saturday night I STAYED HOME.
Sunday Linda, Erd., Bill, Ken and I went to a brunch in Plattsburgh. It was really good but a lot, lot, lot of food. After brunch I came to the library to get the car for my trip on Monday. Then I drove to Wilmington to meet up with book group people (only Martha showed up), then to Lin's camp for our meeting. We read Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons, a bit of a disappointment. The three of us had a grand time together, but ate way too much. After that I went to Ken's to treat his eye, then I went home at last, home at last, thank god almighty home at last.
Yesterday I drove to Canton to a network meeting about the interlibrary loan software we use in the region. I really like the people at the meeting so we had fun. Went to a great Chinese restaurant with a wonderful buffet afterwards, then came home. Started to mow my lawn at last, having borrowed Lin's wonderful, powerful, huge, self-propelled mower (as mine is still not functioning, will not function until after the 9th, when the new part is due). Of course it started to rain. HUGE disappointment.
Went to Ken's for a drink (man am I getting tired of drinking) and to treat his eye (getting tired of doing that, too). Went home, sweet home.
It's been very hot, 80's, and 60 at night. Nearly slept in the boat house last night, but for some reason there's no power at camp so it's all by candlelight in the boat house. Not really a problem but a complication. Since I had to come to work today I opted for staying home. Of course, new episodes of Six Feet Under and Entourage were the main enticements.
And today I'm at my desk, trying to figure out how I can take tomorrow off. Both clerks will be out, on their way to Geneva for a conference. Although it will be really nice to be here without them, it's supposed to be 70 and sunny, a perfect day, and I can mow my lawn. Tomorrow night I'm having dinner with Ken and Ann Hord Coste. She's now a caterer and is cooking for us. She seems to be rather proprietary about Ken, which is fine with me. She brought him a bunch of food yesterday and told him exactly how to cook it (including frozen French fries). He was really pleased and loved the food. I love it when people pay attention to him so welcome any such activity.
And now I must gas up the library car and fill some bookmobile requests, while at home one guppy is languishing and seems to be trying to die. Each time I try to scoop her up with the net she goes into denial and swims furiously to the top of the bowl, circling madly. Die, Darbert, die.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Beatles White Album
Is what I listened to for 40 minutes all the way to work this morning. What a great bunch of music that is. Hearing their voices is so comforting, gives me such a good feeling of my past and who I am. No bad memories, no bad feelings. Doesn't matter where or who I was when I was listening to that music, it's just the Beatles and they were wonderful. So I like that album.
I needed something nice in the car after yesterday's experience at my annual gynecological exam. I went to someone new. I've seen about 5 different people in the past 10 years--they keep leaving for different jobs. This woman is very nice and I like her, but she asked if a medical student could participate in the exam too. Sure, you have to let these people learn on someone. He was ok but it took forever--a long involved interview with long emotional discussion about endometriosis. I don't like talking about it, it turns out. He wanted to know about the pain I had with it. I had blocked that out, and dredging up that part of my life, those 10 years, made me cry. Great. Then began the exam. Each part that he did she had to repeat to make sure his conclusions were correct. OK, I can handle that. Until we got to the pap and the speculuum. He tried all three sizes and couldn't get it right, each time it was really painful and miserable, so she finally took over and bingo bango boingo it was over. I think I convinced him that gynecology is not for him. Or maybe he just needs more practice. She was really apologetic and felt terrible. But I felt worse. Anyway, the whole thing took an hour, but I did talk about my fears that my endometriosis is back (not likely, since I post-menopausal, having stopped taking hormones three years ago). Firm instructions to have a colonoscopy to identify the discomfort/pain I have that I thought was endometriosis. Yes, I need to reschedule it. Was supposed to have it just before Henry died, cancelled it last year & never set it up again, too many things have interfered.
So my ride home from Vermont was endless, even though the ferry ride was beautiful, a glide on a glassy lake. I needed to get home and put all of those memories behind me, to plant myself in my present and not my past. I had to stop at the pet store and get dog food and water conditioner (for the gups). I looked at the huge array of things for fish but bought nothing. Pondered the notion of getting another fish, now that I'm down to 3. Decided 3 is a good number and maybe that's how many I was meant to have. Don't mess with a good thing. Felt bad for the betta fish they have, each sulking alone in tiny bowls. Humans are unkind to animals, as a rule. Even though fish aren't really animals.
Last night was very festive, salmon dinner at Linda's for the Balto women, Bill, Ken and me. We had a really nice time. It was warm enough to spend lots of time on her porch, which is about 3 feet from the lake. We sat there long after dinner, listening to the peepers. We could identify at least 3 different frogs. Nice.
Couldn't sleep last night, for the 3rd night. Woke at 5 AGAIN, after only about 4 hours of sleep. Was planning to meet people in Elizabethtown to barcode their collection, so didn't leave for work on time, but discovered the barcoding trip had been cancelled so was an hour late for work. As long as I was going to be late I took the dogs for a very nice walk. That Tess is sooooo cute! She loves going for a walk in a group. Jackson sort of struggles to keep up but he loves going for walks. Chances determines the pace and is pretty much in charge (well, of course I'm the Alpha, but I don't go running off into the woods, I stay on the road). But Tess goes back and forth between Chances and me, tail held high and wagging. Very sweet.
It's hot and sunny now, due to get hotter as days progress. I think on Saturday I should go to camp and set up the boat house so I can spend the night there. Sunday is a brunch in Plattsburgh with Ken and Bill at a real restaurant, a nice break from our usual routine. Friday night Linda, Erdvilas, Bill and I are going out to dinner. Tonight Ken and I are each having a load of wood delivered (4 cords). I have to figure out exactly where I want it dumped. Life is full and good.
Is what I listened to for 40 minutes all the way to work this morning. What a great bunch of music that is. Hearing their voices is so comforting, gives me such a good feeling of my past and who I am. No bad memories, no bad feelings. Doesn't matter where or who I was when I was listening to that music, it's just the Beatles and they were wonderful. So I like that album.
I needed something nice in the car after yesterday's experience at my annual gynecological exam. I went to someone new. I've seen about 5 different people in the past 10 years--they keep leaving for different jobs. This woman is very nice and I like her, but she asked if a medical student could participate in the exam too. Sure, you have to let these people learn on someone. He was ok but it took forever--a long involved interview with long emotional discussion about endometriosis. I don't like talking about it, it turns out. He wanted to know about the pain I had with it. I had blocked that out, and dredging up that part of my life, those 10 years, made me cry. Great. Then began the exam. Each part that he did she had to repeat to make sure his conclusions were correct. OK, I can handle that. Until we got to the pap and the speculuum. He tried all three sizes and couldn't get it right, each time it was really painful and miserable, so she finally took over and bingo bango boingo it was over. I think I convinced him that gynecology is not for him. Or maybe he just needs more practice. She was really apologetic and felt terrible. But I felt worse. Anyway, the whole thing took an hour, but I did talk about my fears that my endometriosis is back (not likely, since I post-menopausal, having stopped taking hormones three years ago). Firm instructions to have a colonoscopy to identify the discomfort/pain I have that I thought was endometriosis. Yes, I need to reschedule it. Was supposed to have it just before Henry died, cancelled it last year & never set it up again, too many things have interfered.
So my ride home from Vermont was endless, even though the ferry ride was beautiful, a glide on a glassy lake. I needed to get home and put all of those memories behind me, to plant myself in my present and not my past. I had to stop at the pet store and get dog food and water conditioner (for the gups). I looked at the huge array of things for fish but bought nothing. Pondered the notion of getting another fish, now that I'm down to 3. Decided 3 is a good number and maybe that's how many I was meant to have. Don't mess with a good thing. Felt bad for the betta fish they have, each sulking alone in tiny bowls. Humans are unkind to animals, as a rule. Even though fish aren't really animals.
Last night was very festive, salmon dinner at Linda's for the Balto women, Bill, Ken and me. We had a really nice time. It was warm enough to spend lots of time on her porch, which is about 3 feet from the lake. We sat there long after dinner, listening to the peepers. We could identify at least 3 different frogs. Nice.
Couldn't sleep last night, for the 3rd night. Woke at 5 AGAIN, after only about 4 hours of sleep. Was planning to meet people in Elizabethtown to barcode their collection, so didn't leave for work on time, but discovered the barcoding trip had been cancelled so was an hour late for work. As long as I was going to be late I took the dogs for a very nice walk. That Tess is sooooo cute! She loves going for a walk in a group. Jackson sort of struggles to keep up but he loves going for walks. Chances determines the pace and is pretty much in charge (well, of course I'm the Alpha, but I don't go running off into the woods, I stay on the road). But Tess goes back and forth between Chances and me, tail held high and wagging. Very sweet.
It's hot and sunny now, due to get hotter as days progress. I think on Saturday I should go to camp and set up the boat house so I can spend the night there. Sunday is a brunch in Plattsburgh with Ken and Bill at a real restaurant, a nice break from our usual routine. Friday night Linda, Erdvilas, Bill and I are going out to dinner. Tonight Ken and I are each having a load of wood delivered (4 cords). I have to figure out exactly where I want it dumped. Life is full and good.
I just ran spellcheck on this. The only match you get for Erdvilas is hardboiled. Somehow that seems strangely appropriate.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Beautiful sunny day. After many days of indecisive weather, we are now facing a string of warm and sunny days. Too warm by the weekend, temps in the 80's. I don't care for that, I prefer 70 and clear. Am not good in heat.
My 5 day break was not as productive as I'd hoped but I had a good time. Finally got myself to address the back of the house, the library, where all the stuff of the past year has accumulated. Yesterday I took 4 bags of trash to the dump. I didn't finish the job and in some ways it looks worse than it did when I started, but I feel better about it. Progress was made, things were identified, things were thrown out. I cleaned the shower, a job I hate. I planted a lot of flowers, a job I love. I still have a lot of flowers left to plant, but they are the ones that go in the garden and I have to do a lot of weeding before the ground is ready to receive them. My containers look wonderful, though. I think I planted 5 big pots full of nice assortments. There's one I'm not particularly pleased with, but it will look ok when things grow a bit more.
I'm only working until 11:30 today, then it's off to Burlington for my annual gynecological exam. I'm seeing someone new this year. I haven't had a regular person for some time, every time I see someone she seems to move on. When I first moved here I had the most wonderful doctor, a reproductive endocrinologist who performed my two surgeries. He eventually became president of the hospital, however, and is now an administrator. I need him back, I need to have someone who knows a lot about endometriosis examine me. I'll have this woman do a thorough exam to see if/where I have endometriosis. I don't see how it could be possible to still have any active sites, but it's such an insidious disease that you just never know. Anyway, a sunny ride on the ferry is on my agenda, and getting home earlier than usual.
Tonight my friend Linda is cooking dinner for Ken, the women from Balto and me. A nice break for me, although I cooked Ken's dinner last night because he seemed a bit lost when I was there to put drops in his eye. I stayed with him for 2 hours, then went to Linda's for a long visit. I didn't get to bed until nearly 1:00, then awoke at 5 and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm a bit hazy today and hope to sleep for an hour when I get home. I can sleep on the ferry, for the 20 minutes it takes to cross the lake.
I finally finished the recording of Tom Wolfe's latest book this morning. I think it was 25 CD's. It was good, but not THAT good. Then I listened to Pink. That took me back to the schoolhouse last June and the activities of The Tribe. Starting the days off with a game of Twister. Sitting around the table, sitting on the deck. In spite of it all we had a nice time together.
Tomorrow we go to Elizabethtown to barcode their collection. It's a really nice library and I think we'll finish up barcoding there. Friday I'll spend the day in a workshop learning Power Point. Monday I go to Canton to a meeting on the interlibrary loan software we use in the region, analyzing its use and planning its future. Someday I'll return to my regular job.
My 5 day break was not as productive as I'd hoped but I had a good time. Finally got myself to address the back of the house, the library, where all the stuff of the past year has accumulated. Yesterday I took 4 bags of trash to the dump. I didn't finish the job and in some ways it looks worse than it did when I started, but I feel better about it. Progress was made, things were identified, things were thrown out. I cleaned the shower, a job I hate. I planted a lot of flowers, a job I love. I still have a lot of flowers left to plant, but they are the ones that go in the garden and I have to do a lot of weeding before the ground is ready to receive them. My containers look wonderful, though. I think I planted 5 big pots full of nice assortments. There's one I'm not particularly pleased with, but it will look ok when things grow a bit more.
I'm only working until 11:30 today, then it's off to Burlington for my annual gynecological exam. I'm seeing someone new this year. I haven't had a regular person for some time, every time I see someone she seems to move on. When I first moved here I had the most wonderful doctor, a reproductive endocrinologist who performed my two surgeries. He eventually became president of the hospital, however, and is now an administrator. I need him back, I need to have someone who knows a lot about endometriosis examine me. I'll have this woman do a thorough exam to see if/where I have endometriosis. I don't see how it could be possible to still have any active sites, but it's such an insidious disease that you just never know. Anyway, a sunny ride on the ferry is on my agenda, and getting home earlier than usual.
Tonight my friend Linda is cooking dinner for Ken, the women from Balto and me. A nice break for me, although I cooked Ken's dinner last night because he seemed a bit lost when I was there to put drops in his eye. I stayed with him for 2 hours, then went to Linda's for a long visit. I didn't get to bed until nearly 1:00, then awoke at 5 and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm a bit hazy today and hope to sleep for an hour when I get home. I can sleep on the ferry, for the 20 minutes it takes to cross the lake.
I finally finished the recording of Tom Wolfe's latest book this morning. I think it was 25 CD's. It was good, but not THAT good. Then I listened to Pink. That took me back to the schoolhouse last June and the activities of The Tribe. Starting the days off with a game of Twister. Sitting around the table, sitting on the deck. In spite of it all we had a nice time together.
Tomorrow we go to Elizabethtown to barcode their collection. It's a really nice library and I think we'll finish up barcoding there. Friday I'll spend the day in a workshop learning Power Point. Monday I go to Canton to a meeting on the interlibrary loan software we use in the region, analyzing its use and planning its future. Someday I'll return to my regular job.
| You Were Actually Born Under: |
| You Should Have Been Born Under: |
You are most compatible with a Dragon or Monkey. |
Apparently 1952 was the year of nothing. Nice to know I'm clever--it hasn't always suited me well. Good to be loyal, and that I treat my friends well.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
The sun is shining and it's a gorgeous morning. I'm supposed to be spending this time cleaning and organizing my home but so far I've been doing very little of that. Yesterday I relaxed. The Little Brown Dog figured out how to unroll toilet paper next to the toilet so the house looked worse at the end of the day than it did at the beginning of the day. Today I'm slightly more motivated to clean so perhaps I will actually do something. I did some work by email yesterday so I should give myself credit for that. It was cloudy, cold and gray, which I thought make it a good day to clean but I was wrong.
The cast of characters in Hawkeye so far includes:
My friends Linda and Erdvilas. I had dinner and a lot to drink with them last night. They brought delicious ginger wine. Sounds yucky but boy was it good.
My cousin Elsa. She left a phone message for me. Have not seen her yet.
My friends Rush and Annie. They left a phone message for me. Have not seen them yet.
The crazy lesbians from Baltimore. They were supposed to get here yesterday afternoon but called Ken to say they were leaving B'more at 2:40 p.m. Goofy women.
I will have dinner invitations aplenty and Linda is cooking Sunday dinner tomorrow (YES! a pork roast!). It will be great to see Rush and Annie. Elsa, well, she's my cousin. The women from Maryland are very nice but a bit of a strain. They'll be here all week, as will Linda, so I'll have time to see them. They stay in a cabin Ken owns, with no running water. They are just very strange.
Tess climbed the bluffs with some strangers yesterday. She was gone for 2 hours and came back breathless but very pleased. I thought she just did that sort of thing if Chances was with her, but I was wrong. Now I can't let her out unsupervised at all. These dogs are not behaving well.
I've starting collecting National Lampoons. So far I've "won" about 6 on eBay. I got the one I really wanted, the travel issue. I haven't totaled up how much it's cost me yet, I'm just having fun collecting something at last. Bill says he has a bunch of them because he collected things that represented popular culture. He said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world--of course he would have that! I had a full run of them too, an avid subscriber was I in the 70's when the magazine was really funny.
So off I must go, time to be productive. First I'll eat yogurt. Yes, the return of yogurt to my life. I got so sick of it I haven't eaten any in years but now it appeals to me again. Go figure.
The list of tasks I hope to get done is really, really long. So far I have shampooed the couch. Yea me! I can at least vacuum the living room floor. I must attack the library today, it is really my main objective for these 5 days. Wish me luck.
The cast of characters in Hawkeye so far includes:
My friends Linda and Erdvilas. I had dinner and a lot to drink with them last night. They brought delicious ginger wine. Sounds yucky but boy was it good.
My cousin Elsa. She left a phone message for me. Have not seen her yet.
My friends Rush and Annie. They left a phone message for me. Have not seen them yet.
The crazy lesbians from Baltimore. They were supposed to get here yesterday afternoon but called Ken to say they were leaving B'more at 2:40 p.m. Goofy women.
I will have dinner invitations aplenty and Linda is cooking Sunday dinner tomorrow (YES! a pork roast!). It will be great to see Rush and Annie. Elsa, well, she's my cousin. The women from Maryland are very nice but a bit of a strain. They'll be here all week, as will Linda, so I'll have time to see them. They stay in a cabin Ken owns, with no running water. They are just very strange.
Tess climbed the bluffs with some strangers yesterday. She was gone for 2 hours and came back breathless but very pleased. I thought she just did that sort of thing if Chances was with her, but I was wrong. Now I can't let her out unsupervised at all. These dogs are not behaving well.
I've starting collecting National Lampoons. So far I've "won" about 6 on eBay. I got the one I really wanted, the travel issue. I haven't totaled up how much it's cost me yet, I'm just having fun collecting something at last. Bill says he has a bunch of them because he collected things that represented popular culture. He said it as if it were the most natural thing in the world--of course he would have that! I had a full run of them too, an avid subscriber was I in the 70's when the magazine was really funny.
So off I must go, time to be productive. First I'll eat yogurt. Yes, the return of yogurt to my life. I got so sick of it I haven't eaten any in years but now it appeals to me again. Go figure.
The list of tasks I hope to get done is really, really long. So far I have shampooed the couch. Yea me! I can at least vacuum the living room floor. I must attack the library today, it is really my main objective for these 5 days. Wish me luck.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Tired tonight, spent the day traveling and ended up back where I started from. Went to A meeting in Alex Bay, on the St. Lawrence, leaving home at 5:45 and returning almost 12 hours later. It was a good meeting, speaker I'd heard many years before on more or less the same topic--Trends in Library Technology. He was pretty good at calling the shots in the past, so let's see how he compares now. Interesting notions which I'm too tired to dredge up right now. I've been listening to this man since I worked in RI. But it was a pretty day, with a nice view of Boldt Castle during lunch and I got to sit with people I really like and have been appointed to the Automation Committee, which is sort of an honor.
We stopped at Jenica's and my favorite spot on the way home, the farm stand in Nicholville (or wherever it is). I found great annuals and bought $32 worth of stuff that I can't find anywhere near Plattsburgh. Nemesia, diaschia, evening phlox, nierembergia and the most beautiful violas ever, they look like a painting of pale orange and magenta.
I got home to relax for a few minutes, then Ken called to say they were finished cutting down trees and my drink was waiting for me so I went to his house. Bill was there and so was Stevie, the man who's going to build my deck and has now become the neighborhood's Number One man. So the 4 of us hung out for a while, drinking our whiskies, shooting the shit, having a really nice time. What a nice group. Bill was really pleased to have participated in bringing down two huge birch trees. I was just happy to be with normal, intelligent and caring people.
I have been trying to set up a meeting with Jamie, the ex-husband. I thought it was time to make it easier to be in the same room so suggested that we meet face-to-face. I had ground rules, mostly about alcohol. He didn't like what I said and now refuses to meet with me. So I emailed him that my answer for the inevitable question of "How do you and he get along?" will have to be "I get along fine with him but he can't stand me. He refuses to see me." My email wasn't quite like that but I did ask him why he didn't want to see me. What's the matter, big boy, afraid of what you might find out? Well, that's it for now. I can ignore him at his wedding just as easily as he ignored me at my brother's funeral. Heck I could even bring a date to ignore him too.
So this is the beginning of my big break from work. Weather due to be sort of crummy for the whole 5 days, which is just as well because I'll be more productive indoors if I'm not tempted to sit outside in the sun. I have my long, optimistic list of duties. I'll try to get an early start tomorrow. Linda will be here so I'll have to take lots of breaks to visit with her. That will involve alcohol but I'll try to rise above it.
And now I have a fire in the fireplace because it's 46 outside. Tomorrow I hope to get some containers planted. I think I have nearly enough flowers to plant but I have to get more coleus because it was ALL killed by frost and I need to get cukes, tomatoes and seed potatoes for Ken anyway. Wish me luck
We stopped at Jenica's and my favorite spot on the way home, the farm stand in Nicholville (or wherever it is). I found great annuals and bought $32 worth of stuff that I can't find anywhere near Plattsburgh. Nemesia, diaschia, evening phlox, nierembergia and the most beautiful violas ever, they look like a painting of pale orange and magenta.
I got home to relax for a few minutes, then Ken called to say they were finished cutting down trees and my drink was waiting for me so I went to his house. Bill was there and so was Stevie, the man who's going to build my deck and has now become the neighborhood's Number One man. So the 4 of us hung out for a while, drinking our whiskies, shooting the shit, having a really nice time. What a nice group. Bill was really pleased to have participated in bringing down two huge birch trees. I was just happy to be with normal, intelligent and caring people.
I have been trying to set up a meeting with Jamie, the ex-husband. I thought it was time to make it easier to be in the same room so suggested that we meet face-to-face. I had ground rules, mostly about alcohol. He didn't like what I said and now refuses to meet with me. So I emailed him that my answer for the inevitable question of "How do you and he get along?" will have to be "I get along fine with him but he can't stand me. He refuses to see me." My email wasn't quite like that but I did ask him why he didn't want to see me. What's the matter, big boy, afraid of what you might find out? Well, that's it for now. I can ignore him at his wedding just as easily as he ignored me at my brother's funeral. Heck I could even bring a date to ignore him too.
So this is the beginning of my big break from work. Weather due to be sort of crummy for the whole 5 days, which is just as well because I'll be more productive indoors if I'm not tempted to sit outside in the sun. I have my long, optimistic list of duties. I'll try to get an early start tomorrow. Linda will be here so I'll have to take lots of breaks to visit with her. That will involve alcohol but I'll try to rise above it.
And now I have a fire in the fireplace because it's 46 outside. Tomorrow I hope to get some containers planted. I think I have nearly enough flowers to plant but I have to get more coleus because it was ALL killed by frost and I need to get cukes, tomatoes and seed potatoes for Ken anyway. Wish me luck
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
photo show
Here's my latest photo display. The one with the flash reflected on it is one taken by Jamie's brother when I was 22.
Today's song: Groovy kind of love by Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders. I had the 45 rpm record, it had a pale blue label that I watched go round and round on the record player. I think I was in 7th grade at Lincoln Junior high school when I listened to this.
When I'm feeling blue,
all I have to do
Is take a look at you,
then I'm not so blue
When you're close to me,
I can feel your heart beat
I can hear you breathing near my ear
Wouldn't you agree,
baby you and me
got a groovy kind of love
Anytime you want to
you can turn me on to
Anything you want to,
anytime at all
When I kiss your lips,
ooh I start to shiver
Can't control the quivering inside
Wouldn't you agree,
baby you and me
got a groovy kind of love
When I'm feeling blue,
all I have to do
Is take a look at you,
then I'm not so blue
When I'm in your arms,
nothing seems to matter
My whole world could shatter,
I don't care
Wouldn't you agree,
baby you and me
got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
So THIS is what I was raised on as the ideal of love, this is what it was supposed to be like when you found someone to love, someone to share your life with. You know, Barbie and Ken. You and me against the world. Not you and the world against me! Thus I struggled through many relationships, searching for the perfect combination of passion and the feeling of the person who was my soulmate. I found the passion, but matching it up with the best match for me was always the hitch. I would find what I thought would be a good match, but he'd turn out to be an alcoholic or something like that.
Oh well, now I have me and I seem to be a great match for myself as a soulmate and partner to get through life with.
When I'm feeling blue,
all I have to do
Is take a look at you,
then I'm not so blue
When you're close to me,
I can feel your heart beat
I can hear you breathing near my ear
Wouldn't you agree,
baby you and me
got a groovy kind of love
Anytime you want to
you can turn me on to
Anything you want to,
anytime at all
When I kiss your lips,
ooh I start to shiver
Can't control the quivering inside
Wouldn't you agree,
baby you and me
got a groovy kind of love
When I'm feeling blue,
all I have to do
Is take a look at you,
then I'm not so blue
When I'm in your arms,
nothing seems to matter
My whole world could shatter,
I don't care
Wouldn't you agree,
baby you and me
got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
So THIS is what I was raised on as the ideal of love, this is what it was supposed to be like when you found someone to love, someone to share your life with. You know, Barbie and Ken. You and me against the world. Not you and the world against me! Thus I struggled through many relationships, searching for the perfect combination of passion and the feeling of the person who was my soulmate. I found the passion, but matching it up with the best match for me was always the hitch. I would find what I thought would be a good match, but he'd turn out to be an alcoholic or something like that.
Oh well, now I have me and I seem to be a great match for myself as a soulmate and partner to get through life with.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
So this morning I heard a song by Johnny Rivers, a forgetable singer from the past. It wouldn't be surprising if no one remembered him. My sister and I saw him at the first concert we ever went to. It was during the days when a number of singers & rock groups would tour together. This one was in a small venue, the gym of the catholic high school. We went because we were dying to hear Chad & Jeremy, a British duo who were very cute and had sweet voices with nice harmonies. Touring with them were Johnny Rivers, Roy Orbison and a forgettable band that had a hit called "My Mighty GTO." My mother, in later years said that when she dropped us off she said to herself "What have I done? I'll never see them again." Concerts were different then, though. I think we wore dresses and everyone sat in folding chairs in the gym, very well behaved, never standing up, clapping politely after each song. No smoking of anything. This must have been around 1966 or 1967. We were thrilled and LOVED Chad & Jeremy. We got to sit really, really close to the stage. At least that's how I remember it. Maybe my sister can embellish this.
Monday, May 23, 2005
So I'm listening to Light my fire, Jim Morrison's voice right in the middle of my brain because of the way my earphones work, and I'm riding down Route 6 in Wellfleet, Mass. in my father's silver Buick with my brother at the wheel, windows open, hot air flying into the car. It's night and we're just driving to get out of the house for a while. My grandmother and grandfather are in the house, my father is there, so nasty politics is thick in the air: neither side can avoid the nasty sniping. It's the Vietnam era and my brother is afraid. I won't learn until later how much I mean to him--when I spend the summer away from home he writes me, telling me how much he misses me and I'm surprised to read it. We love our trips to the Cape, they are a time of hot sun, sand, seafood, the ocean and the wonderful fresh water ponds we rinse off in on our way back from the beach. We like going there because our father is happy there, cheerful in a way that we don't always get to see. We all love being near the ocean. So that's where I go when I hear Jim Morrison.
Friday, May 20, 2005
| What Your Dreams Mean... |
 Your dreams seem to show that you're a very well adjusted and happy person. Overall, you are very content in your life. You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind. |
What Do Your Dreams Mean?
Who wouldn't want to hear this? I love my dreams. I dream in color, with smells and tastes. I almost always remember my dreams and they're almost always good ones. Lucky me!
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
Well I just stopped working completely because Don McLean's American Pie came on and I had to listen to it completely, unfettered by cataloging Bruce Catton. I realized how much that song means to me. What it represents. We listened to that song so intently when it came out. Every Thursday night for a semester, driving to our horseback riding class in college, me and my roommate. It was a happy time for us (little did we know what lay ahead for us--unhappy times, complicated times, conflict between us, separation and misunderstanding, and ultimately her death at age 23), we were sailing and loved every minute of those times. We loved the horses, the smell of the stables. We saddled and bridled the horses ourselves, we rode well, we had our favorite mounts, we were happy, really happy. Of course, when we got our grades I got an A and she got a B. It was her only B that semester and she was PISSED. Missed a 4.0 by HORSEBACK RIDING. What did it was the written test on parts of the horse. From my early years with my sister, memorizing everything about horses, I knew all about horses.
So that's Don McLean. There's an entire website devoted to American Pie. Some people take things very seriously. I've taken music seriously in my life, it has defined moments, years, moods for me. It can take me to a place in a matter of notes (I can name that song in 3 notes...). I love the Beatles, there's no richer music. My sister and her boyfriend singing Rocky Raccoon to me when I had the flu in high school, trying to cheer me up. Blind Faith, the Super Group, playing loudly on my raunchy stereo, Ginger Baker banging on his drums, Eric Clapton's velvet voice singing (who knew just how many drugs they were doing). Such great music! CSN&Y and Santana serenading Howard and me, endlessly. I'll skip the coffeehouse music we listened to at Heather on the Moor in Rockford, that really didn't do me much good at the time, just depressed me more than I already was, though some of it was truly wonderful music. Who remembers Leonard Cohen or the Chad Mitchell Trio?
So that's my stroll down Musical Memory Lane. There's more, much more, all those college years of the Allman Brothers and Jackson Brown (of course, those were the years after his wife killed herself and he was REALLY depressing to listen to). And the Kingston Trio years of our youth. Boy, 40 years of music takes you to a lot of places, doesn't it.
Can music save your mortal soul,
Well I just stopped working completely because Don McLean's American Pie came on and I had to listen to it completely, unfettered by cataloging Bruce Catton. I realized how much that song means to me. What it represents. We listened to that song so intently when it came out. Every Thursday night for a semester, driving to our horseback riding class in college, me and my roommate. It was a happy time for us (little did we know what lay ahead for us--unhappy times, complicated times, conflict between us, separation and misunderstanding, and ultimately her death at age 23), we were sailing and loved every minute of those times. We loved the horses, the smell of the stables. We saddled and bridled the horses ourselves, we rode well, we had our favorite mounts, we were happy, really happy. Of course, when we got our grades I got an A and she got a B. It was her only B that semester and she was PISSED. Missed a 4.0 by HORSEBACK RIDING. What did it was the written test on parts of the horse. From my early years with my sister, memorizing everything about horses, I knew all about horses.
So that's Don McLean. There's an entire website devoted to American Pie. Some people take things very seriously. I've taken music seriously in my life, it has defined moments, years, moods for me. It can take me to a place in a matter of notes (I can name that song in 3 notes...). I love the Beatles, there's no richer music. My sister and her boyfriend singing Rocky Raccoon to me when I had the flu in high school, trying to cheer me up. Blind Faith, the Super Group, playing loudly on my raunchy stereo, Ginger Baker banging on his drums, Eric Clapton's velvet voice singing (who knew just how many drugs they were doing). Such great music! CSN&Y and Santana serenading Howard and me, endlessly. I'll skip the coffeehouse music we listened to at Heather on the Moor in Rockford, that really didn't do me much good at the time, just depressed me more than I already was, though some of it was truly wonderful music. Who remembers Leonard Cohen or the Chad Mitchell Trio?
So that's my stroll down Musical Memory Lane. There's more, much more, all those college years of the Allman Brothers and Jackson Brown (of course, those were the years after his wife killed herself and he was REALLY depressing to listen to). And the Kingston Trio years of our youth. Boy, 40 years of music takes you to a lot of places, doesn't it.
Well that's pretty interesting, since I always figured I'd die of disease or accident. Disappearing, huh? I don't think much of that, unless I fall off a cliff and die quickly. Guess I'd better be careful if I go up the bluffs by myself (which I NEVER do--I'm very afraid of disappearing, so maybe this is an sign that I should be extra careful). I do go for walks with my dogs, otherwise alone. What am I supposed to do? I live alone. I think I'm safer doing that where I live than just about anywhere else, though.
So my big news is that I got an invitation to my ex-husband's upcoming wedding. It came in the mail. I thought it was a get-well card, until I saw the return address. Then I shrieked "He invited me to his wedding!" and threw it down. My first thought was that I couldn't possibly stand to go, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I should probably go, for the sake of family unity. I don't mind going, I don't care that he's getting married or not getting married. The reception is a cocktail party in a really nice restaurant. It's a church wedding (what he wanted our wedding to be), which I really don't like going to. I figure that, if he invited me he must be inviting all the cousins so it would look as if I harbor ill will if I don't go. Of course, I could schedule a trip for that weekend ("I'm sorry--I'll be out of town that weekend; just as soon as I figure out a place to go to"). No, I don't care enough to escape. So anyway, that's my piece of news.
Yesterday I took the day off to take Ken to the doctor in Saranac Lake. His appointment was at 11:30. We left at 10:30 and got home around 12:30. We took the "Upper" Franklin Falls Road home (last time we took the Lower road. The lower road follows the lakes, the upper road follows the mountains. What a sterling day it was. Clear blue sky, tons and tons of shad trees in bloom. It was wonderful. I drove slowly so we could both savor the experience. The mountains were blue and beautiful. He told me the names of the hills and the locations of farms that existed when he was young. Told me he used to walk 4 miles to catechism class on Saturdays when he was a kid. Give me a break. Catholics really are nuts. He said that, in 1885 when his family first arrived in Hawkeye his father was a child. He walked to Alder Brook to catechism, decided he didn't want to be there and ran out of the church. The Irish priest chased him, caught him and told him in heavy Irish brogue that he had to be there. How to make a child resent religion.
I spent the afternoon puttering around. Messing a little with my plants, fussing with paperwork. Puttering, messing and fussing. Took the dogs for a long walk to check on the camps I usually check on. Went down to the water's edge. The far shore is barely showing green. This is a slow, late spring. Colder than normal. Means that we don't have many black flies yet, but neither do we have leaves on trees. OK with me but I wish I could be doing yard work. Haven't really totally healed from my surgery just yet. Almost but not quite. Anyway, my walk was great. The trillium is in bloom, the woods were still and lovely and the dogs had a great time. Tess and Chances swam. You could see the shad in bloom across the lake. There was no one else in the world.
At 6:30 I went to Ken's (I still have to put drops in his eye every night, until the bottles are empty: thank goodness the bottles are small). Bill was there, and so was his cousin Steve, who has become the neighborhood handyman. I asked Steve to give me an estimate on replacing the decking at the front of my house. Ken and I had planned to do it ourselves, but I would so much rather pay someone else to do it, if I can afford it. Steve had his own business doing engine repair, but his garage burned down, then he used the insurance money to build a bigger (much bigger) garage, then the Adirondack Park Agency made him tear it down because he didn't get a permit to build one that was bigger than his original garage, so he lost a whole lot of money and had no business. So he's been without a job for 2 years, supported by his wife. Yesterday he had an interview with Sears to be a service technician for their outdoor equipment, and he got the job. We all had a celebratory drink together. He was really excited, and he is a very, very nice man. Has three kids, one going to college in the fall (at SUNY Oswego) so this is a very important event for him. I like him a lot, even if he did charge me $650 to fix my rotten old Jeep many years ago when all I wanted was to get it running so I could use it to plow with.
And today is a beautiful, sunny day. Tomorrow and Sunday are supposed to be cloudy but I won't mind. If it doesn't rain I will take my mower to Ken's to have him show me how to change the oil so I can mow my lawn. He bought a case of the right kind of oil and is insisting that I change the oil even though I had it changed last year and only mowed about 3 times. Apparently if an engine sits for several months you MUST change the oil before running it again. I knew that already, I just don't want it to be true about my lawn mower.
I only have to work 4 days next week, then I'm off for 5 days. I have a very long list of things I hope to accomplish during my time off. Maybe I can make myself do some of them this weekend. Memorial Day is the time I usually divide my house into zones and clean a zone a day. I'm trying a slightly different approach this year, since there aren't really zones in need of attention. The library, pantry and mud room are in desperate need, however, so those will be zones. yuck. I can do the pantry and mud room in a day, but it must be a day that the dump is open. I wish I had a truck.
So my big news is that I got an invitation to my ex-husband's upcoming wedding. It came in the mail. I thought it was a get-well card, until I saw the return address. Then I shrieked "He invited me to his wedding!" and threw it down. My first thought was that I couldn't possibly stand to go, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I should probably go, for the sake of family unity. I don't mind going, I don't care that he's getting married or not getting married. The reception is a cocktail party in a really nice restaurant. It's a church wedding (what he wanted our wedding to be), which I really don't like going to. I figure that, if he invited me he must be inviting all the cousins so it would look as if I harbor ill will if I don't go. Of course, I could schedule a trip for that weekend ("I'm sorry--I'll be out of town that weekend; just as soon as I figure out a place to go to"). No, I don't care enough to escape. So anyway, that's my piece of news.
Yesterday I took the day off to take Ken to the doctor in Saranac Lake. His appointment was at 11:30. We left at 10:30 and got home around 12:30. We took the "Upper" Franklin Falls Road home (last time we took the Lower road. The lower road follows the lakes, the upper road follows the mountains. What a sterling day it was. Clear blue sky, tons and tons of shad trees in bloom. It was wonderful. I drove slowly so we could both savor the experience. The mountains were blue and beautiful. He told me the names of the hills and the locations of farms that existed when he was young. Told me he used to walk 4 miles to catechism class on Saturdays when he was a kid. Give me a break. Catholics really are nuts. He said that, in 1885 when his family first arrived in Hawkeye his father was a child. He walked to Alder Brook to catechism, decided he didn't want to be there and ran out of the church. The Irish priest chased him, caught him and told him in heavy Irish brogue that he had to be there. How to make a child resent religion.
I spent the afternoon puttering around. Messing a little with my plants, fussing with paperwork. Puttering, messing and fussing. Took the dogs for a long walk to check on the camps I usually check on. Went down to the water's edge. The far shore is barely showing green. This is a slow, late spring. Colder than normal. Means that we don't have many black flies yet, but neither do we have leaves on trees. OK with me but I wish I could be doing yard work. Haven't really totally healed from my surgery just yet. Almost but not quite. Anyway, my walk was great. The trillium is in bloom, the woods were still and lovely and the dogs had a great time. Tess and Chances swam. You could see the shad in bloom across the lake. There was no one else in the world.
At 6:30 I went to Ken's (I still have to put drops in his eye every night, until the bottles are empty: thank goodness the bottles are small). Bill was there, and so was his cousin Steve, who has become the neighborhood handyman. I asked Steve to give me an estimate on replacing the decking at the front of my house. Ken and I had planned to do it ourselves, but I would so much rather pay someone else to do it, if I can afford it. Steve had his own business doing engine repair, but his garage burned down, then he used the insurance money to build a bigger (much bigger) garage, then the Adirondack Park Agency made him tear it down because he didn't get a permit to build one that was bigger than his original garage, so he lost a whole lot of money and had no business. So he's been without a job for 2 years, supported by his wife. Yesterday he had an interview with Sears to be a service technician for their outdoor equipment, and he got the job. We all had a celebratory drink together. He was really excited, and he is a very, very nice man. Has three kids, one going to college in the fall (at SUNY Oswego) so this is a very important event for him. I like him a lot, even if he did charge me $650 to fix my rotten old Jeep many years ago when all I wanted was to get it running so I could use it to plow with.
And today is a beautiful, sunny day. Tomorrow and Sunday are supposed to be cloudy but I won't mind. If it doesn't rain I will take my mower to Ken's to have him show me how to change the oil so I can mow my lawn. He bought a case of the right kind of oil and is insisting that I change the oil even though I had it changed last year and only mowed about 3 times. Apparently if an engine sits for several months you MUST change the oil before running it again. I knew that already, I just don't want it to be true about my lawn mower.
I only have to work 4 days next week, then I'm off for 5 days. I have a very long list of things I hope to accomplish during my time off. Maybe I can make myself do some of them this weekend. Memorial Day is the time I usually divide my house into zones and clean a zone a day. I'm trying a slightly different approach this year, since there aren't really zones in need of attention. The library, pantry and mud room are in desperate need, however, so those will be zones. yuck. I can do the pantry and mud room in a day, but it must be a day that the dump is open. I wish I had a truck.
You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from.
How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com |
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
I hit Walmart hard last night. One of the things I bought was a set of earphones to try out at work. Now I can listen to Rock.com while the woman who works near me is at work, instead of waiting for the few moments when she is not in. So far this morning I have been cataloging like a mad fool to music no one else can hear. Best to type to so far: She was (Talking Heads). Worst to type to: Night swimming (REM) Most interesting to type to: Jimi Hendrix. I let out a little yelp when Jimi sang PURPLE HAZE! in my right ear as the guitar twanged in my left. Anyway, it's great distraction from the sound of my fingers on the keyboard, which, I've determined, just make me focus on how fast I am or am not typing, and how many mistakes I make, and how many times I tab to get to the right MARC field.
What else I bought at Walmart: 2 pairs of "lounging" pants with elastic waists, 2 camisoles (since the dog has chewed the straps on ALL the camisoles I own, apparently--she loves narrow strappy-type things), 1 pair of shorts, a bottle of carpet cleaner special for dog smell and stains, 2 huge bags of potting soil (Ken says "You BUY dirt? you pay money for dirt? you've got acres and acres of dirt!" Yes, but this is special dirt), weed killer for my blackberry bushes and wild oregano (bad, bad girl, toxic and non-organic), a new terra cotta pot for only $5 for my coleus garden-in-a-pot which will be striking and wonderfully colorful and a few other things. The problem with me is that, when I have a few extra dollars, as I do now, I spend it without counting it. I've spent about $200 in the past few days, on things I need (I use the term "need" loosely--liquor is among my purchases), not luxuries. I mean, I NEED dirt to put in my pots, right?
I seem to be missing a guppy. There were only 3 this morning. Where's Mr. Dark Blue? I looked and looked in the tank and cannot find him. Honestly, there is just no place for him to swim off to. Tonight I will conduct a more comprehensive search and will change their water. It's getting a little dirty, slightly brown. Did they eat him? They couldn't have eaten his fins and tail and bones. WHERE DID HE GO? Jump out of the tank? Not.
Back to Willsboro's collection of old and irrelevant New York stuff. Then I have to speak to the collected correctional facility librarians about how poorly they do their jobs. I may as well be speaking to a pile of dirt. Free dirt, not boughten dirt.
What else I bought at Walmart: 2 pairs of "lounging" pants with elastic waists, 2 camisoles (since the dog has chewed the straps on ALL the camisoles I own, apparently--she loves narrow strappy-type things), 1 pair of shorts, a bottle of carpet cleaner special for dog smell and stains, 2 huge bags of potting soil (Ken says "You BUY dirt? you pay money for dirt? you've got acres and acres of dirt!" Yes, but this is special dirt), weed killer for my blackberry bushes and wild oregano (bad, bad girl, toxic and non-organic), a new terra cotta pot for only $5 for my coleus garden-in-a-pot which will be striking and wonderfully colorful and a few other things. The problem with me is that, when I have a few extra dollars, as I do now, I spend it without counting it. I've spent about $200 in the past few days, on things I need (I use the term "need" loosely--liquor is among my purchases), not luxuries. I mean, I NEED dirt to put in my pots, right?
I seem to be missing a guppy. There were only 3 this morning. Where's Mr. Dark Blue? I looked and looked in the tank and cannot find him. Honestly, there is just no place for him to swim off to. Tonight I will conduct a more comprehensive search and will change their water. It's getting a little dirty, slightly brown. Did they eat him? They couldn't have eaten his fins and tail and bones. WHERE DID HE GO? Jump out of the tank? Not.
Back to Willsboro's collection of old and irrelevant New York stuff. Then I have to speak to the collected correctional facility librarians about how poorly they do their jobs. I may as well be speaking to a pile of dirt. Free dirt, not boughten dirt.
Monday, May 16, 2005
I got my staples out! Do you call it "removed" when you're having them taken out of your body? Anyway, my body is now free of the piercings that come with surgery, and I will no longer wince when I bump into things, or when the dogs step on me in the 4 places that were pierced. I'm not interested in body piercings beyond the 4 holes I have in my ears.
Spring is here. The greens are obscene. I love them. My favorite is Poplar Green. The leaves are a color that cannot be duplicated. It is a wonderful, bright, optimistic green that is full of charm, hope, and good cheer. I sleep with my window open. I woke at 3 this morning and heard noises I couldn't identify,and was finally reassured by the fact that my window was open so they were Noises of the Forest (as opposed to Noises of the House) so it didn't matter what sounds they were. The Little Dog kept going under the covers, too hot, then out from under them, too cool, then back under, then on top, ad nauseum. I dreamed a total plot of Law and Order, which I was watching in my dream. Too bad I didn't write it down and turn it into a screenplay. Restless night but I got up in time to take a shower and get to work 10 minutes early. College graduation was Sat. so there is now much less traffic (though I hesitate to call what I deal with en route to Plattsburgh "traffic"). I do enjoy, savor and look forward to this time of year.
My next writing project is an article for the shoreowners' association's newsletter, based on an interview with Ken, about the father of the man who now does Ken's taxes. A Lebanese immigrant, Mike George started his retail business selling pencils from a baby carriage which he wheeled around AuSable Forks. Eventually he had a thriving business selling all sorts of goods from a horse-drawn wagon, with a route that stretched from AuSable Forks to Loon Lake, a route that took him 3 days to cover. Everyone (including Ken's mother) would wait for Mike to bring the goods they needed--things like fabric and sewing supplies, clothes, office supplies, the list is incredible. When his wagon was empty he would return to the Forks to fill it again. The way Ken tells it he was only home 1 or 2 days a week, but he had at least 5 children so I'm not sure that's really true. Anyway, I love these details and will record Ken going over the details this week so I can write it up. People could request specific items and Mike would bring them the next time he came. I love the fact that Ken remembers this and that this happened on the road I drive on every time I leave my dirt road. There are so many things like this that Ken tells me about, but we talk less about the old days and mostly about current events, events of the day, etc. Our relationship is not based on the past but rather on the present and the future.
My weekend was good. Yesterday was not good, but Saturday made up for that. I took Ken to the doctor for his follow-up visit (Friday I took him to Plattsburgh for cataract surgery) in Plattsburgh. The results of his surgery have been really good, much to my relief. I know too many people who did not have good results of cataract surgery, and given his age I was fearful. He's very pleased with how well he can see now, though. After the doctor's appointment we went to AuSable so he could get his mail and some groceries. I did the shopping while he visited with his crones in the store. What a funny man. I saw 2 people I knew, including Jackson's former owner. Then I went home, collected my garbage and recyclables and went to the dump: another very satisfying experience.
I picked Lin up and we went plant shopping, the first major pilgrimage of the season. We went to our usual haunt, but they've raised their prices this year. I still bought a ton of stuff and spent lots of money. Mostly annuals for my containers, but nothing dramatic, just the filler stuff. Petunias, alyssum, portulaca, asters, and my favorite geranium, Vancouver Centennial. I have a 4-year old plant of this, which is very leggy and not attractive. My new plant is squat and plush. I will put the new one next to the old one for inspiration. We went to a second place, where the prices were lower and the plants were great. This place is not always good so were were really pleased. I got great snapdragons, the really tall kind I like to have a bunch of, some cosmos (including white ones) and some really beautiful Martha Washington geraniums. Really beautiful. Lucky Martha, she got to have the most exotic and truly gorgeous geraniums named after her. I've also bought 3 kinds of pinks (dianthus), which are perennials. I used to have a huge patch of these and they smelled like cinnamon. I neglected them, however, and they got too crowded and died. The new ones will be treated with respect and hopefully will flourish.
My daffodils look wonderful this year. We had 2 days that were warm enough to lure nearly all of my plants into blooming last week. I have different varieties of daffodils, those that bloom in early, middle and late spring. They are nearly all blooming now. From dark yellow to nearly white, some fragrant. Tiny ones only 6" high to big ones. I like them and will plant more in the few spaces along my walls where there are none. Or so I think right now. Fall is when you plant them. This week I will go to the cemetery to admire Jenica's planting on Henry's grave.
And now I will be productive in the ways which I am paid for. Cataloging things for Schroon Lake. Worthless videos and horrible books.
Spring is here. The greens are obscene. I love them. My favorite is Poplar Green. The leaves are a color that cannot be duplicated. It is a wonderful, bright, optimistic green that is full of charm, hope, and good cheer. I sleep with my window open. I woke at 3 this morning and heard noises I couldn't identify,and was finally reassured by the fact that my window was open so they were Noises of the Forest (as opposed to Noises of the House) so it didn't matter what sounds they were. The Little Dog kept going under the covers, too hot, then out from under them, too cool, then back under, then on top, ad nauseum. I dreamed a total plot of Law and Order, which I was watching in my dream. Too bad I didn't write it down and turn it into a screenplay. Restless night but I got up in time to take a shower and get to work 10 minutes early. College graduation was Sat. so there is now much less traffic (though I hesitate to call what I deal with en route to Plattsburgh "traffic"). I do enjoy, savor and look forward to this time of year.
My next writing project is an article for the shoreowners' association's newsletter, based on an interview with Ken, about the father of the man who now does Ken's taxes. A Lebanese immigrant, Mike George started his retail business selling pencils from a baby carriage which he wheeled around AuSable Forks. Eventually he had a thriving business selling all sorts of goods from a horse-drawn wagon, with a route that stretched from AuSable Forks to Loon Lake, a route that took him 3 days to cover. Everyone (including Ken's mother) would wait for Mike to bring the goods they needed--things like fabric and sewing supplies, clothes, office supplies, the list is incredible. When his wagon was empty he would return to the Forks to fill it again. The way Ken tells it he was only home 1 or 2 days a week, but he had at least 5 children so I'm not sure that's really true. Anyway, I love these details and will record Ken going over the details this week so I can write it up. People could request specific items and Mike would bring them the next time he came. I love the fact that Ken remembers this and that this happened on the road I drive on every time I leave my dirt road. There are so many things like this that Ken tells me about, but we talk less about the old days and mostly about current events, events of the day, etc. Our relationship is not based on the past but rather on the present and the future.
My weekend was good. Yesterday was not good, but Saturday made up for that. I took Ken to the doctor for his follow-up visit (Friday I took him to Plattsburgh for cataract surgery) in Plattsburgh. The results of his surgery have been really good, much to my relief. I know too many people who did not have good results of cataract surgery, and given his age I was fearful. He's very pleased with how well he can see now, though. After the doctor's appointment we went to AuSable so he could get his mail and some groceries. I did the shopping while he visited with his crones in the store. What a funny man. I saw 2 people I knew, including Jackson's former owner. Then I went home, collected my garbage and recyclables and went to the dump: another very satisfying experience.
I picked Lin up and we went plant shopping, the first major pilgrimage of the season. We went to our usual haunt, but they've raised their prices this year. I still bought a ton of stuff and spent lots of money. Mostly annuals for my containers, but nothing dramatic, just the filler stuff. Petunias, alyssum, portulaca, asters, and my favorite geranium, Vancouver Centennial. I have a 4-year old plant of this, which is very leggy and not attractive. My new plant is squat and plush. I will put the new one next to the old one for inspiration. We went to a second place, where the prices were lower and the plants were great. This place is not always good so were were really pleased. I got great snapdragons, the really tall kind I like to have a bunch of, some cosmos (including white ones) and some really beautiful Martha Washington geraniums. Really beautiful. Lucky Martha, she got to have the most exotic and truly gorgeous geraniums named after her. I've also bought 3 kinds of pinks (dianthus), which are perennials. I used to have a huge patch of these and they smelled like cinnamon. I neglected them, however, and they got too crowded and died. The new ones will be treated with respect and hopefully will flourish.
My daffodils look wonderful this year. We had 2 days that were warm enough to lure nearly all of my plants into blooming last week. I have different varieties of daffodils, those that bloom in early, middle and late spring. They are nearly all blooming now. From dark yellow to nearly white, some fragrant. Tiny ones only 6" high to big ones. I like them and will plant more in the few spaces along my walls where there are none. Or so I think right now. Fall is when you plant them. This week I will go to the cemetery to admire Jenica's planting on Henry's grave.
And now I will be productive in the ways which I am paid for. Cataloging things for Schroon Lake. Worthless videos and horrible books.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
BACK TO WORK
Although I haven't done anything resembling work in the 3 hours I've been here this morning. Sorting through the 123 emails I received in my absence (can't read my email from home because the laptop I have doesn't have Java loaded on it yet). Lots of crap, some relevant messages. Spent almost 2 hours, 2 separate calls, on the phone with my college friend Doug. He called to tell me that he had lunch with the man who was the college boyfriend of my friend Beth. When Doug told Bob that Beth was a friend of mine, Bob said, "Oh, I remember Elizabeth, she was the little blonde." Doug said he was kind and didn't point out that I am no longer very little or very blonde. So during the first phone call we spent a lot of time talking about a lot of people from college, since he had new news of people we don't ordinarily talk about. That was nice, new names to talk about. We graduated from college 31 years ago. How can that be?
Second phone call was devoted to news of our lives. His three children are finally all in good places in their lives. Two of them (one named Elizabeth) have had bad patches in their lives, especially Beth, whose "patch" extended through several years and included an unwanted pregnancy and subsequent abortion, drug use, clinical depression, self-mutilation, and the list goes on. Poor Doug struggled through all of this and was the target of a lot of her venom. I listened to him endlessly through these years and counseled him as best I could. His marriage is not a happy one, hasn't been for many, many years. He said he knew the night before his wedding that he didn't want to get married. WHY DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED ANYWAY? At least I'm not married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me, say what you will about the mayor of Lake Placid.
So now I'm sitting at my desk. The morning started out poorly. The dog knocked a bunch of stuff of of the night stand by the bed, retrieving the 3" piece of leash with clasp attached that passes for her current favorite toy these days. I was convinced my glasses had been there, so searched for 10 minutes, including looking with a flashlight under the bureau, the bed, etc., moving the bed, trying to pick up the bed to put the leg back underneath it (boy that sure hurt my abdomen! don't do that!). I finally found my glasses--NOT on the television, where I promise myself I will always put them, but on the plant table, where I never put them. But they were safe, unscratched and found. I left home early, plenty of time to stop at Ken's to put drops in his eyes in prep. of his cataract surgery tomorrow. Got to work BEFORE 8:00. They were shocked to see me, solicitous, eager to hear how I was, how my surgery was (or at least feigned interest). I arrived with a big smush of dog poop on the sole of my shoe, had to go to the garage to wash it off. I'm beyond being embarrassed about that sort of thing and they all know me too well to do anything but chuckle at me.
So how do I feel? I have some discomfort, but that's probably from trying to pick up the bed, not from coming to work. Driving was fine. Sitting at my desk is fine. I have to move a few boxes of books for the Court System's legal resource project, to make sure that all that was ordered by them for our member libraries was delivered. That seemed to go ok and I won't unpack them right now, just open and examine the contents of the boxes. What I'll do for the rest of the day is uncertain. Catalog, I suppose.
It's very green here in Plattsburgh, very different from Hawkeye. Leaves on trees, ornamental trees in bloom. Shad is in bloom at home, that happened quickly. My daffodils are blooming, just about peak. Cherry trees not yet in bloom. Tiny, tiny leaves on poplars there, tiny leaves on maples here in the city. It's about 10 days ahead of us here in the Champlain Valley. Nice to drive in to see it.
Dinner with Ken last night. Bill was there for a while, we had cocktails together. He had come to put the water in at his camp, which only took 20 minutes--not a single leak or complication. Boy that sure never happens at our camp! Ken and I had a nice visit over dinner, then sat companionably and read the newspaper afterwards. It rained hard for a bit, then I went out on his deck and listened to the spring peepers. Yum, a wonderful sound.
Although I haven't done anything resembling work in the 3 hours I've been here this morning. Sorting through the 123 emails I received in my absence (can't read my email from home because the laptop I have doesn't have Java loaded on it yet). Lots of crap, some relevant messages. Spent almost 2 hours, 2 separate calls, on the phone with my college friend Doug. He called to tell me that he had lunch with the man who was the college boyfriend of my friend Beth. When Doug told Bob that Beth was a friend of mine, Bob said, "Oh, I remember Elizabeth, she was the little blonde." Doug said he was kind and didn't point out that I am no longer very little or very blonde. So during the first phone call we spent a lot of time talking about a lot of people from college, since he had new news of people we don't ordinarily talk about. That was nice, new names to talk about. We graduated from college 31 years ago. How can that be?
Second phone call was devoted to news of our lives. His three children are finally all in good places in their lives. Two of them (one named Elizabeth) have had bad patches in their lives, especially Beth, whose "patch" extended through several years and included an unwanted pregnancy and subsequent abortion, drug use, clinical depression, self-mutilation, and the list goes on. Poor Doug struggled through all of this and was the target of a lot of her venom. I listened to him endlessly through these years and counseled him as best I could. His marriage is not a happy one, hasn't been for many, many years. He said he knew the night before his wedding that he didn't want to get married. WHY DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED ANYWAY? At least I'm not married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me, say what you will about the mayor of Lake Placid.
So now I'm sitting at my desk. The morning started out poorly. The dog knocked a bunch of stuff of of the night stand by the bed, retrieving the 3" piece of leash with clasp attached that passes for her current favorite toy these days. I was convinced my glasses had been there, so searched for 10 minutes, including looking with a flashlight under the bureau, the bed, etc., moving the bed, trying to pick up the bed to put the leg back underneath it (boy that sure hurt my abdomen! don't do that!). I finally found my glasses--NOT on the television, where I promise myself I will always put them, but on the plant table, where I never put them. But they were safe, unscratched and found. I left home early, plenty of time to stop at Ken's to put drops in his eyes in prep. of his cataract surgery tomorrow. Got to work BEFORE 8:00. They were shocked to see me, solicitous, eager to hear how I was, how my surgery was (or at least feigned interest). I arrived with a big smush of dog poop on the sole of my shoe, had to go to the garage to wash it off. I'm beyond being embarrassed about that sort of thing and they all know me too well to do anything but chuckle at me.
So how do I feel? I have some discomfort, but that's probably from trying to pick up the bed, not from coming to work. Driving was fine. Sitting at my desk is fine. I have to move a few boxes of books for the Court System's legal resource project, to make sure that all that was ordered by them for our member libraries was delivered. That seemed to go ok and I won't unpack them right now, just open and examine the contents of the boxes. What I'll do for the rest of the day is uncertain. Catalog, I suppose.
It's very green here in Plattsburgh, very different from Hawkeye. Leaves on trees, ornamental trees in bloom. Shad is in bloom at home, that happened quickly. My daffodils are blooming, just about peak. Cherry trees not yet in bloom. Tiny, tiny leaves on poplars there, tiny leaves on maples here in the city. It's about 10 days ahead of us here in the Champlain Valley. Nice to drive in to see it.
Dinner with Ken last night. Bill was there for a while, we had cocktails together. He had come to put the water in at his camp, which only took 20 minutes--not a single leak or complication. Boy that sure never happens at our camp! Ken and I had a nice visit over dinner, then sat companionably and read the newspaper afterwards. It rained hard for a bit, then I went out on his deck and listened to the spring peepers. Yum, a wonderful sound.
The other night I watched the film House of Sand and Fog. I'd read the book so I knew about the ending. Ben Kingsley played the lead role. He's truly a master. It was a really wonderful film, true to the book. I reallly enjoyed it. I also watched I Heart Huckabees, which I did not enjoy very much at all. All-star cast, including Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman. What were they thinking when they agreed to be in that? They played existential therapists. That's a movie to skip. Sand and Fog, that's one to see.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
So this is my 4th day at home after surgery. I love being at home, I could so much get used to this. What I don't like is not being able to do anything. There are so many things that need to be done outside--picking up stuff, digging up stuff. The yard and my gardens are a mess but I'm resisting temptation and am not doing anything to them. I can't bend over, I can only squat. So far all I've done is pick some daffodils for display in my living room and plant some pansies in a big pot on my deck railing. I had to plant them, it's a May ritual for me. They're beautiful, this year I picked the nearly-black purple ones to go in the white (albeit plastic) bowl-shaped pot I have each year. Great satisfaction in having that done. I also planted two pansy plants in a special mug that I broke the rim of, made by a prominent potter friend of mine. It looks a little silly but I can't bear to throw the mug away, it has a raised heron on it. Too pretty to part with, she doesn't make them any more.
So what do I do every day? Does it hurt any more? I do pretty much nothing every day and yes, it hurts a little bit. Today was better, not as much pain. The pain gets duller every day. This pain is NOTHING compared to pain I've had from other surgeries. I'm not impressed. One thing that hurts are the staples themselves. The dogs bump them, I bump them. One staple is too tight, has pulled too much skin and is irritating. So I watch DVDs, television, do crossword puzzles, take naps, pet my dogs, take pain meds (though fewer these days). Today I had to get firewood for my fire, it was 61 in my living room when I got up. I'm reading, too. Right now I'm watching the free U2 concert in NYC. Bono sure is a special person. The band rode around Manhattan on the back of a flat bed truck for a day, playing and letting different people come up to sing and play with them, then they played a free concert under the Brooklyn Bridge.
It was sunny and warm a couple of days but I didn't feel like being outdoors, which is how I knew there really was something wrong with me. What I really crave under normal circumstances is to sit in the sun and read a book, but those 2 days I had no desire to be outside, stayed inside on my couch.
My friend Julie came to see me yesterday, to bring me food and to keep me company. About 2 miles from my house she ran off the road, hit a tree and totaled her car. Wasn't hurt, and the sheriff just happened to come by just after her accident to help her take care of everything, get the car towed, give her a ride to my house, etc. I lent her my car to get home, and they'll get a rental car tomorrow. I knew how she felt, having rolled my car last fall through my own stupidity. One thing I thought was "Man am I glad I don't have to deal with anyone else when I have those things happen to me," since she felt really bad at having wrecked thier only car. Of course, the flip side is now needing the help of friends when I'm incapacitated. Fred picked me up and took me to Ken's for Sunday dinner, said he would do anything I needed for help. I have many friends who have offered.
I am fine. This pain is nothing compared to what I have been through. It's like puppy pain and totally manageable.
So what do I do every day? Does it hurt any more? I do pretty much nothing every day and yes, it hurts a little bit. Today was better, not as much pain. The pain gets duller every day. This pain is NOTHING compared to pain I've had from other surgeries. I'm not impressed. One thing that hurts are the staples themselves. The dogs bump them, I bump them. One staple is too tight, has pulled too much skin and is irritating. So I watch DVDs, television, do crossword puzzles, take naps, pet my dogs, take pain meds (though fewer these days). Today I had to get firewood for my fire, it was 61 in my living room when I got up. I'm reading, too. Right now I'm watching the free U2 concert in NYC. Bono sure is a special person. The band rode around Manhattan on the back of a flat bed truck for a day, playing and letting different people come up to sing and play with them, then they played a free concert under the Brooklyn Bridge.
It was sunny and warm a couple of days but I didn't feel like being outdoors, which is how I knew there really was something wrong with me. What I really crave under normal circumstances is to sit in the sun and read a book, but those 2 days I had no desire to be outside, stayed inside on my couch.
My friend Julie came to see me yesterday, to bring me food and to keep me company. About 2 miles from my house she ran off the road, hit a tree and totaled her car. Wasn't hurt, and the sheriff just happened to come by just after her accident to help her take care of everything, get the car towed, give her a ride to my house, etc. I lent her my car to get home, and they'll get a rental car tomorrow. I knew how she felt, having rolled my car last fall through my own stupidity. One thing I thought was "Man am I glad I don't have to deal with anyone else when I have those things happen to me," since she felt really bad at having wrecked thier only car. Of course, the flip side is now needing the help of friends when I'm incapacitated. Fred picked me up and took me to Ken's for Sunday dinner, said he would do anything I needed for help. I have many friends who have offered.
I am fine. This pain is nothing compared to what I have been through. It's like puppy pain and totally manageable.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Too Low For Zero
Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Six o'clock alarm
I get the wake up call
Let that sucker jingle-jangle
Ring right off the wall
I'm too low for zero
I'm too tired to work
Tied one on with a friend last night
And wound up losing my shirt
I'm too low for zero
I'm on a losing streak
I got myself in a bad patch lately
I can't seem to get much sleep
I'm too low for zero
I wind up counting sheep
Nothing seems to make much sense
It's all just Greek to me
You know I'm too low, too low, too low for zero
You know I'm too low, too low, too low for zero
Cutting out cups of coffee
Switching off the late night news
Putting the cat out two hours early
It isn't any use
I'm too low for zero
Insomnia attacks
Watching flies with my eyes till sunrise
It's daylight when I hit the sack
I like this song because it reminds me of a place I've been and go to from time to time, when I feel really low, but I can look at it from here and recognize it from the other side. I'm not there right now, and I know that when I'm there I won't stay there. I like the part about putting the cat out early. I do that with the dogs. I also really like the concept of being too low for zero.
But now it's spring, the other size for me, and things are looking pretty good. I'm about to go "under the knife" as everyone seems to enjoy telling me. I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. The last two nights I drank the bottle of wine I had for my book group (which, it turned out, was a good thing they didn't want to drink: it wasn't very good wine). I never, ever drink wine alone at home, but decided I want to have some. So I drank it and it relaxed me. And I fell asleep. Mission accomplished. And I had strange dreams. And I slept through the alarm. And today I'm not feeling a great deal of pressure about work things, but I have about 5 errands to run to get ready to spend a week at home without driving anywhere. I'll never be able to pull it off, I'll have to drive somewhere.
Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Six o'clock alarm
I get the wake up call
Let that sucker jingle-jangle
Ring right off the wall
I'm too low for zero
I'm too tired to work
Tied one on with a friend last night
And wound up losing my shirt
I'm too low for zero
I'm on a losing streak
I got myself in a bad patch lately
I can't seem to get much sleep
I'm too low for zero
I wind up counting sheep
Nothing seems to make much sense
It's all just Greek to me
You know I'm too low, too low, too low for zero
You know I'm too low, too low, too low for zero
Cutting out cups of coffee
Switching off the late night news
Putting the cat out two hours early
It isn't any use
I'm too low for zero
Insomnia attacks
Watching flies with my eyes till sunrise
It's daylight when I hit the sack
I like this song because it reminds me of a place I've been and go to from time to time, when I feel really low, but I can look at it from here and recognize it from the other side. I'm not there right now, and I know that when I'm there I won't stay there. I like the part about putting the cat out early. I do that with the dogs. I also really like the concept of being too low for zero.
But now it's spring, the other size for me, and things are looking pretty good. I'm about to go "under the knife" as everyone seems to enjoy telling me. I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. The last two nights I drank the bottle of wine I had for my book group (which, it turned out, was a good thing they didn't want to drink: it wasn't very good wine). I never, ever drink wine alone at home, but decided I want to have some. So I drank it and it relaxed me. And I fell asleep. Mission accomplished. And I had strange dreams. And I slept through the alarm. And today I'm not feeling a great deal of pressure about work things, but I have about 5 errands to run to get ready to spend a week at home without driving anywhere. I'll never be able to pull it off, I'll have to drive somewhere.
Slept right through the alarm this morning, woke up at the exact time I should have been driving off to work. I was 20 minutes late to work, a few minutes later than I should have been because I stopped to get coffee in Cadyville. What the hell, I was already late.
I ordered 2 CD's last week, in a moment of nostaglia-stricken weakness. The Beatles White Album, which I've wanted for a long time. The Beatles were masterful, and that album zings me back into a time in my life when I was going through a process of self-awareness and discovery that ended up in an interesting place that was a springboard to where I am now. A baby step in that direction, for sure, but it was a step nevertheless, and I love the music partly for that exact reason. The other CD was Elton John's Too Low for Zero, which also takes me to a specific time and place in my life. 1983-84, when I was dating a tennis pro named Ace and having some fun in life but also some misery. I needed to get my shit together and make a decision about things. My housing situation really needed addressing: I'd been living in the same house for 9 years, renting it and I needed to move on, buy a house of my own. I was in therapy that wasn't really going anywhere (I see now why). Although I enjoyed being with Ace he didn't treat me very well, you can't really base a relationship soley on sex unless you understand yourself that that's what you're doing. I liked him too much for that. Also, he didn't want to be monogamous because he was looking for the perfect woman. When I left him for Jamie he said pitifully "But what was wrong with me?" Anyway, the Elton John album is one of my favorites. We used to play "I Wanna Kiss the Bride" and he would sing "I wanna hit the ball." And that was about as funny as he got. But he was pretty cute.
I ordered 2 CD's last week, in a moment of nostaglia-stricken weakness. The Beatles White Album, which I've wanted for a long time. The Beatles were masterful, and that album zings me back into a time in my life when I was going through a process of self-awareness and discovery that ended up in an interesting place that was a springboard to where I am now. A baby step in that direction, for sure, but it was a step nevertheless, and I love the music partly for that exact reason. The other CD was Elton John's Too Low for Zero, which also takes me to a specific time and place in my life. 1983-84, when I was dating a tennis pro named Ace and having some fun in life but also some misery. I needed to get my shit together and make a decision about things. My housing situation really needed addressing: I'd been living in the same house for 9 years, renting it and I needed to move on, buy a house of my own. I was in therapy that wasn't really going anywhere (I see now why). Although I enjoyed being with Ace he didn't treat me very well, you can't really base a relationship soley on sex unless you understand yourself that that's what you're doing. I liked him too much for that. Also, he didn't want to be monogamous because he was looking for the perfect woman. When I left him for Jamie he said pitifully "But what was wrong with me?" Anyway, the Elton John album is one of my favorites. We used to play "I Wanna Kiss the Bride" and he would sing "I wanna hit the ball." And that was about as funny as he got. But he was pretty cute.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Your #1 Match: INTP |
| The Thinker You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it. You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor. |
Your #2 Match: ISTP |
| The Mechanic You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.To outsiders yous eem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people. You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete. |
Your Linguistic Profile: |
| 45% Yankee |
| 30% General American English |
| 20% Upper Midwestern |
| 5% Dixie |
| 0% Midwestern |
What Kind of American English Do You Speak?
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